


Sister in Arms

by SETI_fan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Family, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy, Some mild surgery and bullet damage descriptions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:38:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 49,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4687541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SETI_fan/pseuds/SETI_fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Barton's point of view on getting to know Natasha Romanoff over the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 - First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Whatever else can be said about some of the creative choices in Age of Ultron, one thing that really intrigued me was the idea of Natasha being a loved part of Clint's whole family and how that reshapes a lot of how I pictured Natasha's past in S.H.I.E.L.D.. So, I started playing out some background context for what may have been happening between major moments throughout the film series and came up with a bunch of vignettes. Because the idea that Natasha wasn't alone or isolated from everyone but Clint makes for so many new stories. (And gives me a chance to try to headcanon all the inconsistencies from AoU into some kind of coherent whole.)

The first time Laura heard about Natasha Romanoff, she was terrified.

Having been married to Clint Barton for several years, she was used to him making…inadvisable choices (not the least of which involved his insistence on using a bow and arrows around people who preferred guns and bullets, but that was part of his charm). But even then, hearing that he had not only chosen to spare the notorious assassin he was sent to kill, but to bring her back to the US with him? Laura was convinced then that the woman had manipulated him somehow and was planning to kill him and his coworkers once she was on the inside.

As months passed and Natasha showed no signs of betrayal, Laura began to fear her for another reason.

Clint was the only person Natasha trusted in those early days with S.H.I.E.L.D., so it wasn't really a surprise when Fury put him in charge of her training and orientation in the field. What did surprise Laura was how much the pair hit it off. Clint would phone or come home from missions and instead of venting or joking about what a disaster it was, he almost immediately was full of praise for the new agent. Once she started hearing affection in his voice, the surprise festered into a resentment she couldn't bring herself to voice. It wasn't that she didn't trust Clint; she had no reason to doubt his love and commitment to her. But he had said in the past that seduction had been one of Natasha's main weapons of choice, and she knew how dangerous the heat of the moment could be while in the field under the best of circumstances.

When she got the call that a mission had gone a bit south and their house was a closer place for them to get patched up than going all the way back to S.H.I.E.L.D., she nearly told Clint no. The children were home for the weekend and she had no way to get a neighbor to babysit them in time. No matter how much Clint would vouch for Natasha, Laura still wasn't thrilled about inviting the woman into her home.

The kids had been put to bed a few hours before the quinjet landed near the edge of the property. Laura stood in the doorway, watching nervously as Clint limped out of the plane, the red-haired woman supporting herself on his shoulder. She knew from the call that neither had life-threatening injuries, but enough they would need rest and time to recover before another mission.

Clint greeted her warmly, likely unaware of her reticence at their company. She could tell from the way Natasha's eyes subtly swept over her that despite their flat mask and slight haze of pain, no detail was lost on her.

Natasha continued to size up the house as they entered, eyes flicking to every corner and doorway. Clint hadn't been exaggerating when he described her constant readiness for trouble that hadn't calmed since defecting. Laura, in return, was very aware of the weapons visible at the other woman's belt and wrists. She didn't know the exact numbers of the death counts connected with this woman, but she knew they were high enough to feel like a tiger on a fine, fragile leash had been brought into her living room.

Clint had helped Natasha to a chair and urged her to stay while he went with Laura to get clean washcloths, soap, warm water, and bandages from the bathroom. They had a brief, hushed conversation where Laura gave him a quick checking over, before reassuring herself his injuries were minor and he could handle most of the cleaning and dressing on his own.

"I promise, I've got this," he soothed. "Besides, I haven't had an indoor bathroom since we left a week ago, so I could use the privacy. Would you get the rest of those to Natasha? Give her a hand?"

Being alone, up close and personal with the Black Widow was not something Laura was eager to do, but she knew how much Clint cared about his partner, so she would be welcoming to the other woman too.

As she walked down the hallway toward the living room, she saw Natasha still in the chair, still sitting slightly rigidly, eyes drifting about the room, no doubt logging every detail for future use. Laura was about to announce herself so she didn't take the edgy assassin by surprise when a movement caught both of their attention.

Laura's heart froze just slightly as she saw Natasha's eyes focus on their three-year-old son creeping sleepily down the stairs. She knew Clint would never bring a threat around his children, but her maternal side still bristled slightly that a near-stranger was between her and her child and became even more aware of her infant daughter still sleeping upstairs.

Cooper froze on the stairs too, seeing the strange woman sitting in his living room.

To Laura's surprise, Natasha held up a calming hand before he ran or cried out. "It's okay," she said, her voice, still faintly accented back then, was softer than Laura would have expected possible. "I'm your father's partner."

Cooper's eyebrows furrowed. "Agent Roma…Roman…"

"Romanoff, yes. Everything's all right."

"Where's Daddy?" he asked.

Natasha glanced back toward the hallway and Laura found herself ducking further into the shadows. "I think your mother's helping him somewhere." She looked back at Cooper. "Can I help you?"

Cooper played with the bannister awkwardly. "Wanted a drink of water."

"Ah." Natasha nodded, standing up. "Well, I have retrieved classified data from violent despots in four different countries. I think I can figure out a sink and cabinets."

Laura watched silently as Natasha walked stiffly into the kitchen. She was surprisingly quiet, only producing an occasional hinge creak and slight clink of glass, then the sound of the sink running.

"Ice?"

"Uh-huh," Cooper answered, still looking a bit unsure.

The sound of the fridge, and then Natasha came back out with a glass of water a bit too big for a three-year-old, but Cooper took it carefully. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Anything else?"

"Is Daddy going to come say good night?"

"I'm sure he will. He missed you very much and was excited to see you again."

Cooper grinned then. "Okay. Thanks, Ms. Roma…"

"Natasha is fine."

He nodded. "G'night, Natasha."

"Good night."

As Cooper carefully carried the glass back upstairs, only spilling a little bit on the way, Natasha watched him go. Maybe it was an effect of the low lighting or maybe Laura was misreading her features, but Laura could swear, just for a moment, there was a glint of something like sadness or regret in the other woman's eyes, just behind the mask.

She decided now was as safe a time as any to announce herself. Stepping back slightly, she started walking forward, pretending she hadn't been standing privy to the whole interaction. "Natasha? I've got some bandages and First Aid supplies for you."

The mask was firmly back in place as Natasha turned to her. "Thank you. Your, uh, son came in. I gave him a drink of water."

"Thank you," Laura said brightly, feigning ignorance as she set the cleaning supplies and bandages on the coffee table. "You didn't have to do that. I could have come taken care of it."

Natasha waved dismissively. "It's the least I could do after intruding on your home."

"Please," Laura looked up and gave Natasha a warm smile. "Any friend of Clint's is welcome here."

Natasha arched an eyebrow. "You may want to reconsider that policy."

For a second, Laura thought it might be a threat, but she was starting to recognize the dry tone as being Natasha's sense of humor. "Knowing Clint, maybe you're right. Come on, there's a guest bathroom upstairs you can use."

She noticed Natasha's eyes focus on the chair she had been sitting in and followed them to see a red stain across the upper right side of the back cushion.

"I'm sorry, I should have put my jacket over it first," Natasha said, sounding genuinely remorseful.

"Don't worry about it." Laura turned back with a reassuring smile and tried to ease the awkward atmosphere. "Besides, what woman hasn't left bloodstains on the furniture now and then?"

A really strange look went through Natasha's eyes and for a minute Laura thought she had gone too far with that joke. She knew the conservative older women in town would have found it highly inappropriate, but Natasha seemed at least as young as Laura was. Maybe that was just a very taboo topic in Russia.

Either way, the emotion faded from Natasha's eyes before Laura could get a good sense of what it was and a slightly artificial smile replaced it. "Right. Still. I'll clean it up."

"Let's worry about where the blood came from first, huh?" Laura said.

Natasha shrugged nonchalantly, looking down at her right arm. "I got slashed with a knife during the fight. Let myself get distracted and was too slow."

"Let me see," Laura said, cautiously reaching out to take Natasha's arm. To her surprise, Natasha let her, turning so Laura could gently examine the torn fabric and skin beneath. She winced as soon as she saw how deep the gash was and realized the dark material of her sleeve hid the fact that it was soaked in blood. "Jeez, you've just been sitting here bleeding?!"

"It looks worse than it is."

"Uh-huh. Come on, we're going up to the guest room and stitching that up."

"It's all right, I can take care of it myself," Natasha said, extracting herself from Laura's grip.

"You're right-handed, right?" Laura asked, scooping up the medical supplies. "No way I'm leaving a guest in my home to stitch up her own arm. Besides, I'm married to Clint Barton and raising his son. You really think you'd be the first person I've patched up?"

Laura managed to half-shoo, half-pull Natasha upstairs into the guest room with its adjoining bathroom. As Natasha got out of her uniform and cleaned up in the bathroom, Laura went back to the master bedroom to pull out a tank top and pair of pajama pants for Natasha to sleep in. She doubted either hers or Clint's packed clothes were in great condition after a week in the field.

She returned to the guest room in time to hear the shower turn off and was setting up on the bed when Natasha stepped out, wrapped in a towel. She looked smaller out of her uniform, but her muscle tone left no illusions that her size made her any less dangerous.

The woman paused, apparently not expecting Laura to be there already, but Laura just casually patted the bed. "Let's get that arm taken care of."

Natasha didn't seem troubled by her state of undress, so Laura ignored it as well. The wound didn't look quite as bad with the seeping blood washed away, but it was still in need of attention. Laura dabbed the area with alcohol, unsurprised that Natasha hardly even flinched even when she swabbed the inner edges of the gash.

"I don't have anything to numb it," Laura apologized as she prepared the needle and surgical thread.

"It's fine," Natasha said calmly, shifting so her hands gripped the edge of the mattress. She stared straight ahead and seemed to become even less expressive. Laura assumed she was focusing on some kind of pain tolerance technique and decided to just get this done as quickly as possible.

As she worked, Laura saw the faint lines of old scars across Natasha's arms and shoulders. The marks continued on her legs where they stuck out from the bottom of the towel, including some swelling on her knee that suggested a recent sprain. Laura could make out the shapes she had learned so well from Clint's own body: cuts, stabs, burns, bullet grazes, as well as a few she couldn't readily identify; all faded, but all telling of a brutal past.

Laura had glanced up at Natasha's face when she thought she could do so without being creepy. Up close, she was certain the other woman was younger than she was, her features still holding the slight softness of young adulthood. Her eyes, though, seemed decades older than the rest of her face, the flat emotionlessness no doubt concealing years of horrors and pain. Clint didn't talk in specifics about her past, but she knew the Black Widow had not chosen her life willingly and her training had started young enough that Natasha had known nothing else before she joined S.H.I.E.L.D.

Laura found herself thinking of tiny Lila, asleep in her crib down the hall surrounded by plush toys and bright colors, and was grateful anew for the life she and her children had been blessed with.

When the stitching was done and bandaged, Laura made up the bed as Natasha got changed and set out a glass of water, a plastic baggie of ice, and a couple ibuprofen.

"I can set your uniform up to soak out that bloodstain if you want," Laura offered when the bathroom door opened again.

"I have already set it up in the sink, but thank you. I'll take care of the chair if you show me where your peroxide is."

"I can handle that. You rest. If you need anything else, just ask me or Clint," she told Natasha as they stood a short distance apart in the room. "I'm sure he'll stop in after he says hi to Cooper."

"You've already been kinder than necessary," Natasha said, looking a bit uncertain and puzzled. "What can I do to repay you?"

Laura just shook her head. "Nothing to repay. You have Clint's back when you're out on missions. Every time he comes home safe, that's all I could ask for."

To her surprise, Natasha nodded with a serious expression. "I'll do my best."

Laura pointed at the glass on the bedside table. "Rehydrate. Sleep. Ice that knee. Let yourself heal. Breakfast is at seven a.m."

"Spokoinoi nochi," she heard Natasha say quietly as she left.

After she checked on Barney, Laura saw Clint smiling at her from the stairs. "What do you think?"

Laura glanced at the door of the guest room. "I think I get why you defied orders."

"Hey, I don't meet people as messed up as I am that often. Gotta look after my own."

"Bite your tongue," Laura scolded as she walked down to meet him. "Nobody's as messed up as you are."

He laughed as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Thank you. For being nice to her."

"She's not used to that, is she?"

"Nope. But she's a quick learner. And she's willing to put up with me, so I'm trying my best not to scare her off too soon."

"Good, because you know you've only found one other woman who's willing to stick with you, so don't mess this up," Laura teased, leaning in to kiss him. "Now go see your son so he can get back to sleep."

"Yes, ma'am."

Laura watched her husband go up to see his children and gave another quiet thanks for having her family safe and under one roof for another night, then headed downstairs with more peace of mind than she expected.

The next morning, Natasha joined them for breakfast, still seeming quiet and hesitant over where she fit in there. Clint put her to work helping set the table while Laura dished up the meal. Over the course of the meal, Laura noticed that Natasha warmed up slightly, joking with Clint as he fed Lila her bottle, answering Cooper's questions about her work in as child-friendly a way as possible, and helping clean up afterward so Laura could sit and eat her own meal.

But the peace was too short-lived and soon Laura was bidding Clint and his partner goodbye as they headed back out to their quinjet, travelling on to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters at last. When she went up to tidy up the guest room, however, Laura was surprised to find the bed already stripped, the sheets and borrowed pajamas neatly folded and stacked at the foot, the bathroom wiped down and pristine, glass rinsed out and drying beside the sink, so that there was almost no trace that the strange woman had ever been there at all.

None, that is, except for the note resting on top of the folded pile of sheets listing suggestions on how to fortify the house and defend it should anyone ever find them and try to attack. Including Natasha's secure S.H.I.E.L.D. phone number.

OOO

After that, Clint brought Natasha with him frequently. She became a regular fixture at weekend dinners and family events. Clint got her to help him with work maintaining the house and farm, while Laura included her in cooking alongside Cooper. Surprisingly, after initially seeming terrified to hold baby Lila, Natasha took to helping with the children relatively easily.

Cooper, with his father's sense of humor and Laura's extroversion, included Natasha in his games right away and it soon became a normal sight for him to run up, assign her some role in his latest fantasy world, and then drag her off to help him fight an imaginary dragon or space monster with his suction-cup bow and arrow set. He especially took a shine to her when she started teaching him techniques for how he would really win if faced with a larger opponent or a horde of ninjas and Laura had to remind him only to "play" like that at home.

Honestly, the kids seemed to be the most instrumental part in getting Natasha to relax while visiting the house. When Cooper greeted them by hugging her as well as Clint, she couldn't help but return the gesture. She began to step up and help take care of Lila without Laura even asking, and as far as she could tell, actually seemed to enjoy it. She even caught Natasha teaching the kids bits of Russian, to the point that once Lila began speaking, Clint wasn't sure if she was calling him "Da" or saying "yes".

Over the years, between Clint's teasing, but supportive friendship and the kids' energy, Laura swore she saw Natasha come to life. The wariness and tension seemed to be taken off like a jacket when Natasha walked in the door and she talked with a sparkle in her eyes that never would have fit with the woman who first sat bleeding in the living room years before.

The first time Laura saw her smile brightly and without reservation was when they were playing with Lila and the little girl pointed to her and said "Na!" loudly.

Laura would never forget the look on Natasha's face when she said back, "That's right, Lila! That's your Auntie Nat."

As Natasha had no one else outside S.H.I.E.L.D., and even Agent Coulson didn't know about Clint's family, Laura welcomed her to share holidays at the farm. While Clint usually couldn't get off work for smaller times like the Fourth of July or even Halloween, even Fury didn't stand in the way of Clint being home with his family for Christmas unless a major crisis was in the works. Which led to Laura being party to what was likely the first Christmas Natasha had ever had with anyone, or at least that she could remember.

To Laura's amusement, Natasha took her newly christened role as aunt extremely seriously and asked repeatedly what gifts were best to give the kids. They even managed a last-minute shopping trip in the madness of the holiday rush, which remarkably did not end in violence, until Laura had made sure Natasha was suitably prepared with presents for Christmas morning so the kids were happy.

It was a huge surprise, though, when Natasha presented her and Clint with a simple white envelope containing a handwritten note that read "Good for one vacation for just the two of you, all missions and babysitting covered. –Natasha"

OOO

Laura wasn't sure at what point Natasha became the sister-in-law that she had never had, but the connection was strong. Clint began to have regrets about introducing the two of them when he realized he basically had a work wife and home wife, as both were quick to let each other know when he did something stupid and needed a talking to. But Laura could rest a little easier while he was away knowing the agent who had his back loved him and his family fiercely too. Given Clint's ability to get into trouble going out to pick up the mail, this was a considerable load off her mind.

The kids grew up unable to remember a time when Natasha wasn't part of their lives. They looked forward to visits from their doting aunt who had an uncanny ability to sneak them snacks when they weren't supposed to have them and brought souvenirs of questionable safety for youngsters. As Clint taught them archery, Natasha taught them little computer tricks and spying techniques to the point that Laura had to tell her to stop before she lost complete control of what her kids were doing to avoid getting in trouble. Instead, Natasha taught Laura enough countermeasures that she could stay three steps ahead of the kids and Laura called it fair.

During one visit, Clint came up to hug Laura from behind and whispered "Thank you" in her ear.

"For what?"

He nodded toward the living room. "Letting her have this."

On the couch, Natasha had dozed off, Lila leaning against her from one side, Cooper on the other, both just as sound asleep, with a storybook still laid out in her lap. And for once, Laura didn't see any hair-trigger wariness disrupting the calm on her face.


	2. Chapter 2 - Odessa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has liked and commented on this fic! I’m so glad others are liking Laura and the family dynamic I’m playing with here. I have several more chapters yet to come covering major moments between the movies to bring us up to life post-Age of Ultron. I hope you’ll all continue to enjoy the story!
> 
> This chapter includes a bit of material that mentions surgery, bullet wounds, scarring, etc. so just a heads-up if that is triggering to you. Nothing is particularly graphic.

From then on, Laura’s fear tended to be for Natasha rather than about her.

Clint and Natasha’s skills were unparalleled and since Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. weren’t ones for letting resources go to waste, that meant putting Strike Team Delta on the most difficult and dangerous missions. The type where even an extraction plan wasn’t feasible and the pair had to use their own talents to get home safe. Clint did his best to check in routinely and let Laura know everything was all right, but the nature of their work required long stretches of radio silence where she just had to hope for the best and stay focused on the kids to keep her mind off worrying.

So when her private line rang when she knew Clint was at S.H.I.E.L.D., terror slid through her blood like ice water.

Clint himself spoke, his first words assuring her that he was fine, but what he said next brought back the nauseous dread.

Natasha had been shot, badly. She had been on mission escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran when something attacked her car and drove it off a small cliff. From what they could tell, she had put herself between the engineer and whoever threatened them and the bastard had shot the man through her.

Natasha had managed to call in for an emergency extraction, but by the time Clint and Coulson found her, propped unconscious in the shadow of the ruined car with her gun still in her lap, she had already been bleeding out for hours. Laura could hear the rare shakiness in his voice as he described the scene and how he had thought they were already too late.

But Natasha was strong and abdominal wounds are slow killers. She was in critical condition, but still breathing when they got her out of the desert and en route to the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. facility under the frantic care of combined S.H.I.E.L.D. and Army medics.

Laura stayed on the phone with him for over an hour as he waited outside the surgical bay for word. Half the time they didn’t even say anything, but if she couldn’t be with him in person, she would do the best she could by phone. At last, someone came out to update them. Clint lowered the phone but left it on so Laura heard most of what the medic was saying.

They had gotten Natasha stabilized, which immediately removed a significant amount of the tension that had knotted Laura’s stomach. It was very close and they were still replacing some of the blood she lost, but they had closed the wound and stopped the bleeding. The bullet had gone all the way through her abdomen beside her navel, missing any bones and her spinal cord. Unfortunately, it had torn straight through her intestines. While they had reducted the damaged section and the organ should work fine again soon, the hours before they had gotten to her were hours for the intestinal bacteria to seep out and spread into her bloodstream. So while the initial risk was past, the battle with massive infection was just beginning.

Clint stayed at her side in the S.H.I.E.L.D. medical center for the next week as she was wracked with fevers and pumped full of antibiotics. The doctors admitted they would have expected anyone else to succumb to septic shock within the first day or two, but with every day Natasha’s immune system gained ground, inch by painful inch. And Clint dutifully kept Laura up-to-date.

Once her fever finally broke enough that Natasha could be conscious for periods of time with minimal delusions, she could keep down a liquid diet without throwing it back up again, and the doctors were satisfied that her wounds were healing well enough that they likely wouldn’t reopen under careful movement, Clint started negotiating to have her finish her recovery off-site. The doctors initially rejected the idea, since she had no official home on file other than her quarters at the Triskelion, but Fury gave his approval, knowing just what Clint had in mind.

And so, Laura made up the guest room, stocked up the house with extra food and supplies, and tried to brief the kids about the company coming to stay with them for a while.

“So this isn’t going to be the same as the other times she’s come to visit. Auntie Nat’s sick, so she’s just going to be sleeping most of the time, and I want you guys to let her rest, okay? She’s not going to feel well enough to play for a while.”

“Like when I get a sick day from school?” Cooper asked.

“Pretty much, yeah. So we’ll need to be quiet up here so she can sleep. Any noisy playing you want to do will have to be outside until she feels better.”

Laura figured she would have to remind them of that throughout Natasha’s stay, but for now the kids seemed to understand. All in all, Laura thought she had everything prepared to handle things throughout the recovery. When they arrived, however, she realized she wasn’t emotionally prepared for the sight of Clint carrying his barely conscious partner out of the Quinjet.

All things considered, she supposed Natasha was looking pretty good, but she had never seen the woman require any help beyond a shoulder to brace against, even when bleeding from a knife wound. Seeing her limp, pale, and apparently unembarrassed by having Clint carry her made Laura’s stomach tighten again.

But she tried not to let that show on her face. She could already see Clint trying to keep his expression light and pretend nothing about the situation was outside the norm. He grinned when he saw Laura as he walked up the front steps.

“Hey, babe. Hope you don’t mind me carrying another woman across the threshold. It’s not what it looks like.”

Laura just shook her head. “The room’s ready upstairs. Can you make it that far?”

“These biceps aren’t just for shooting arrows and showing off. I’m good.”

Natasha had stirred at Laura’s voice, lifting her head off Clint’s shoulder with fever-bleary eyes. “Hey, Laura,” she rasped. “Sorry to intrude—”

“You stop that,” Laura interrupted before Nat could get into a guilt-ridden mindset. She rested her hand on Natasha’s shoulder, feeling the heat radiating even through the sleeve of her t-shirt. “Where else would you come when you’re sick but home?”

Even through the haze in her eyes, Laura could see that look of surprised and awkward emotion Natasha always got when shown sincere acts of caring. Laura just smiled tightly and started up the staircase. “Come on, let’s get you to bed before Clint passes out instead.”

“Hey, don’t call Nat heavy. That’s not nice,” Clint teased back, following her up.

Natasha muttered something back in Russian that Laura didn’t catch, but it made Clint smile genuinely, so she was happy to hear it.

They settled her into the bed upstairs, a glass of water and her medications in reach on the bedside table. Before letting her go back to sleep, Clint asked to check her incisions again. Laura stepped back out of respect when Natasha pulled the hem of her shirt up, but found herself glancing over with morbid curiosity as Clint peeled the adhesive bandage back. The wound was still red and puckered where the bullet had torn through her, but surprisingly small to have caused so much damage. Clint seemed to approve, putting the bandage back in place.

“And the back,” he continued. Natasha shifted to the side with a grimace and Clint braced one hand against her hip to support her as he repeated the process on her back. Laura knew she should be feeling some kind of pang of jealousy seeing her husband touching another woman that way, but there was absolutely nothing sensual about the contact. His mind was only on her well-being and taking care of her. Any ghosts of concern over his closeness with Natasha that may have flitted through the back of Laura’s mind over the years evaporated completely as he finished his check and helped her relax back into bed with the same care he used with Lila.

“Well, first transportation out of the hospital and nothing reopened. Those medics who doubted me are going to owe me twenty bucks,” he said proudly. “But for now, rest up for a bit, drink plenty of water when you’re awake enough, and we’ll check in in case you need anything, okay? My phone’s on all the time too.”

“Okay. Clint?” she asked, catching his wrist before he walked away. Her eyes met his, more lucid than Laura had seen them so far. “At S.H.I.E.L.D., when I was…hallucinating, did I say anything…”

“Nothing I didn’t already know,” Clint assured her. “And the medics didn’t speak Russian. Your reputation and secrets are secure.”

“Thanks,” she nodded, letting go of his arm and relaxing at last.

Clint patted her leg as he left and Laura propped the door most of the way closed behind them.

In the hallway, they found a pair of nervous young faces peeking out of their respective bedrooms. Clint beamed, kneeling down to greet his kids as they came to him for hugs.

Lila seemed unusually subdued, though.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Clint asked.

She looked up at him with an expression that tore at Laura’s heart. “Is Auntie Nat dying?”

Laura saw the flinch in Clint’s jaw, knew the question was a stab in a still raw part of his own heart, but his smile never faltered. “No, sweetie. She had a close call, but she’s going to be okay now. Remember when you had chicken pox last year?”

Lila’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “Yeah.”

“That’s kind of how she feels right now, just without the itching. But you got better and she’s going to do the same. All right?”

Lila nodded. “Can I make her a ‘Get Well’ card?”

“Me too!” Cooper joined in.

Clint hugged them to him again, hiding the tears just showing at the edge of his eyes. “I think she’d love that. It might be a few days till she’s awake enough to read them, but I think that’s a great idea.”

Exuberant with their new plan, the kids scrambled back to their rooms to find art supplies, already debating who would say what on each.

Clint pushed himself up, turning to the stairs. “I’ll go get our bags out of the ‘jet.”

“Hang on,” Laura said and had her arms around him before she even finished the thought.

She needed to feel him, needed his warmth against her, the familiar firmness of his body as she squeezed him tight, even if she could tell he’d lost almost as much weight as Natasha over the last few weeks. As selfish as it was, she needed to feel him whole and strong too, to reassure herself that it wasn’t him who had been shot. She had seen him with every manner of break, gash, contusion, and concussion, but this…this had been too close.

And when Clint held her firmly against him too, his grip almost uncomfortably strong, she knew he was feeling the same thing. His breathing was just slightly irregular, like he was holding onto control with only his father’s awareness that the kids were two rooms away, and she swore later in the day, when they could get some time alone, she would make sure he was finally able to let go. He had had to keep the optimistic face on too long since the shooting, and he needed to let himself break down now that it was over.

Well, not over. There was a long recovery ahead, but for now, for just a few moments, they allowed themselves a bubble of voiceless comfort and reassurance before reality called them back to action again.

OOO

Laura supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised that Natasha’s return to health progressed as quickly as it did. Clint had mentioned that whatever conditioning the Russians had done back when she was being trained seemed to have given her increased pain tolerance and accelerated healing. So what the medics had projected as the milestones for her recovery became a bit moot as Natasha bypassed the schedule by days.

Not that this was fast enough for Natasha, though. The biggest difficulty Laura found in caring for her was convincing her not to rush to be back at one hundred percent and to allow her body time to recover fully instead of testing her limits constantly.

Fortunately, Clint had been right to bring her home. While the medics at S.H.I.E.L.D. might have been intimidated, tricked, or outranked by the Black Widow, Laura found that Natasha seemed to have a much harder time disobeying the loving, guilt trip-laden instructions Laura used. However much she grumbled, the veteran spy still gave in just about every time Clint or Laura pushed a treatment. And if that didn’t work, bringing in one of the kids usually pushed her over the edge.

Still, the stir-craziness, residual pain, and frustration finally got to Natasha enough that she was snappy toward Laura and just overall done with the entire “down time” concept.

“I’ve run missions on a broken leg. I think I can handle walking around the house on my own,” she vented one afternoon.

“You’ve barely been on your feet more than to use the bathroom in weeks. Your muscles need time to build back up again,” Laura reasoned as she put fresh sheets on the bed.

“And how are they supposed to do that if I can’t even go for a walk?” Natasha growled from the chair nearby.

“That’s fine as long as Clint or I are around in case anything happens. You don’t want one of the kids to find you passed out or something, do you?”

As usual, the threat of the kids won the argument. “Has Fury been in touch?” Natasha asked instead.

“Not that I’ve heard, but Clint’s the one to ask about that. Don’t tell me you’re itching to get back to work already? This is your sick leave.”

“In the old days, I would’ve been back in the field weeks ago,” she grumbled.

Laura knew enough to realize the woman was referring to her pre-S.H.I.E.L.D. life, something she rarely meant fondly. She must really be getting irritated to feel any kind of longing for that time. “I thought one of the benefits of being with S.H.I.E.L.D. was that they don’t force you to do stuff like that.”

That seemed to silence her for a moment. Laura continued smoothing the sheet on the bed, letting her barb sink in.

“I’m tired of being useless.”

Laura stopped, still leaned over the bed. The tone of voice was softer, no trace of anger, just…a sincere weariness. She looked over to see Natasha glaring out the window with a slightly defeated expression. She was slumped back in the chair and Laura couldn’t help but note again how skinny and tiny she looked from the combination of fever and a bland, mostly liquid diet. 

“When I stay at the Triskelion’s medical wing, at least I hear what’s going on. Out here…I’m out of touch. I don’t know if they’ve caught the assassin who targeted my engineer. I’m the only witness. I should be out there, not sitting around watching television.”

And that was it, Laura realized. Natasha’s body might heal above normal human expectations, but unless her mind had something to do too, she wasn’t going to get back to normal. She was an agent without agency.

Laura sighed. “I’ll talk to Clint about getting you a secure connection with S.H.I.E.L.D. I make no promises, but there’s probably something they can have you do on the computer or something until you’re cleared to come back.”

The spark of life rekindled in Natasha with an almost tragic immediacy. Her entire posture changed, purpose stirring her into a healthier appearance than Laura had seen in weeks. “Thanks.”

“Like I said, no promises,” Laura said, lest she get her hopes put down again. “Until then, I can always use an extra set of hands around the house. Can you pass me that blanket?”

“Sure.” Natasha got up, still shaky on her legs, and helped her finish making the bed.

Laura subtly watched her the rest of the afternoon as she included Natasha in the chores and preparation for dinner, then watching the kids in the evening. Whenever Nat seemed like she was pushing it too fast, Laura gave her something easier to do. She still wound up needing to be helped back to bed not long after Cooper and Lila, but Clint said when he left she had fallen asleep with a satisfied look on her face.

OOO

There were no immediate changes after Laura passed Natasha’s request on to Clint. He was in touch with work routinely and said he had tried to get updates out of Director Fury, but hadn’t heard much back yet.

In the meantime, Natasha continued pitching in around the farm, even getting into a bit of a routine, albeit one that worked around the occasional naps she still needed throughout the day. Her strength and energy were returning significantly, though, now that her digestive system had recovered enough to allow a solid, heartier diet, and having responsibilities kept her stir-craziness to a minimum. Laura knew Natasha would rather be on the trail of her shooter, but she found herself hoping Fury wouldn’t give in to their request.

To be honest, that week was one of the most enjoyable Laura could remember. Having Clint home and carefree for any length of time was remarkable, but for several weeks with a promise that he wouldn’t be called away for work? Unheard of. And for all that Natasha was a frequent visitor, she previously had only stayed for a few days at a time, never long enough to get past the feeling of being a guest. Now, they had the luxury of falling into a rhythm as a family and it made Laura all the more bittersweet about how much time she normally spent as the single parent in the house. To the people in town and at Cooper’s school, Laura was a military wife whose husband was frequently deployed with some type of special services branch, which wasn’t really that far from the truth. She didn’t begrudge Clint his work or have any pretenses about what she had married into, but it made her cherish these brief interludes as long as she could.

Having an extra set of hands around gave Laura something she almost didn’t recognize any more: free time. With the chores under control and the kids occupied, Laura got out supplies she hadn’t gotten to play with in years and began painting something that wasn’t a wall of the house again. She even got Natasha to try it with her, setting up a still life of fruit, a vase, and one of Clint’s arrows for a laugh on the kitchen table. Natasha’s painting was very basic and had the extremely precise style of someone trying really hard to do it “right”, but Laura was proud of her and showed it off to Clint and the kids excitedly. Natasha shrugged it off as not for her, but when Laura hung it up in the guest room, they occasionally saw her settling into bed smiling at the painting and the array of the kids’ ‘get well’ cards arranged beneath it.

The extra help also meant the rare privilege of being able to run errands without having to bring the kids along. Laura adored her children and wouldn’t give them up for anything, but every mother needed a break from time to time and she had learned even a trip to the grocery store could be incredibly relaxing when it didn’t involve wrangling two energetic children with short attention spans.

“Okay, I think I’ve got everything that was on the list on the fridge,” she said, gathering her purse. Clint and Cooper were checking and cleaning his bows at the kitchen table while Natasha played with Lila in the living room. “Nat, I’ll get some more of that cranberry juice you like, but I’m going to have to skip your other request since you’re not cleared for vodka yet, sorry.”

“Booo,” Natasha commented drily.

“Have Clint take it up with your doctors. Oh, do you need any more pads or tampons? I think there were some in your bathroom, but you’ve been here a while, so…”

Natasha froze a bit awkwardly. “No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

Laura frowned slightly. “You sure? ‘Cause I don’t mind and you hate to run out and—”

“Hey,” Clint called, “while you girls are talking about that, I’m just going to turn my hearing aid down, okay?”

Laura gave him a fake sympathetic pout. “Aw, are we talking about the big scary periods?”

“Can’t hear you. Deaf,” he shook his head. “Cooper too.”

Now Laura grinned mischievously, moving in front of him so he couldn’t avoid her. “Tampons, tampons, tampons!” she chanted, signing along with it.

“Tampons!” Lila shouted back from Natasha’s lap.

All three adults stared at her as Cooper just looked back and forth, confused.

“What are tampons?” he asked.

“Scary tampons!” Lila grinned.

“Oh,” Laura groaned, knowing that was going to come back to bite her. She gave Natasha a rueful, pleading look. “While I’m gone, can you fix this?”

“If by ‘fix’ you mean ‘encourage’, sure,” she replied, smirking innocently.

“Maybe I shouldn’t leave you guys in charge.” 

A knock at the front door made them all freeze. None of their neighbors had said they were coming by and they would have heard a car pull in if they had.

Clint picked up the bow and his quiver, signaling Cooper to go to the back room. Natasha slipped off the sofa, passing Lila to Laura and getting to her knees with a gun from a stash that Laura didn’t know existed. Laura retreated to join Cooper in the back, remembering the escape plans they had worked out over the years.

As Clint neared the front door, a familiar voice from the other side called, “I know y’all have reason to be paranoid, but it’s too damn hot to leave a man standing out here in a leather coat.”

“Nick?” Clint frowned, lowering the bow and opening the door.

“Agent Barton,” the one-eyed man greeted him. “May I come in?”

“Yeah. Sure.” He stepped out of the way, still a bit taken aback. “Laura, it’s all right.”

“I tried to call first,” Director Fury said, looking particularly out-of-place as he stood in their pastoral house in his all-black outfit, “but your reception out here is shit.”

“Shit!” Lila piped up before Laura could stop her.

Fury raised an eyebrow. “Smart kid.” He frowned. “What are you doing up, Romanoff? Our medics aren’t gonna be too happy if you’re undoing all their hard work already.”

“I’m fine,” she said, tucking the gun into her belt at her back. “I can be ready to go whenever you need me.”

“Relax, I’m not here for that. Though I did bring you a bit of homework to catch up on while you’re out here. Both of you.”

Laura touched Clint’s arm. “I’m going to take the kids upstairs, let you guys get to work.”

“Okay. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

And it was. Not ideal, not how she would have things in a perfect world, but she understood. Some women’s husbands got called away for military service or as police officers or firemen; hers was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Their work saved lives and made sure there would still be a world for their kids to grow up in.

Still, when she came back downstairs, the entire mood in the house had changed. Gone was the playfulness and everyday family life. Agent Barton and Agent Romanoff sat around the dining room table with Director Fury, going over holographic files. The blue and green light clashed strangely with the woodgrains and porcelain kitchen wares around them.

“We’re not making a lot of headway on finding your mystery assassin,” Fury was saying as Laura came back into the room. “There’s nobody matching his description in any of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s files nor in those of any of the agencies who were willing to share with us.” He looked cautiously over at Natasha. “There are those who are questioning whether the description we have is reliable or not.”

“I know what I saw,” she said firmly, voice back to the flat, professional tone Laura rarely heard during their visits. “I got a decent look before he shot me and watched him walk away afterward. I wasn’t hallucinating then.”

“No, but there are some concerns your fever dreams might have influenced your memory.”

Natasha’s jaw tightened, but she just looked back at Fury expressionlessly. “Do you think my report’s flawed?”

“I think I’d be happier once I stop getting files that include the word ‘ghost’ in them. So, that’s why I’m turning research on the assassin over to you.”

He handed her a handheld device similar to the holoprojector he had been using.

“They trust me to chase down my hallucination?” she asked, eyebrow arched.

“I trust you to use every resource at your disposal to get to the bottom of this. I don’t like ghosts shooting my people and disappearing. Sets a bad precedent. In addition to that, here’s the ballistics on the bullet they took out of your engineer.”

Natasha took the folder of papers he passed her and Clint leaned over to read it too.

“High caliber, which fits with it having the power to pass through two people,” Fury recited. “Unrifled, which is gonna make it hard to match to a particular gun. But it was the origin that caught our eye.”

“Soviet,” Clint read, glancing at Natasha before looking back at Fury.

Natasha’s eyes had narrowed now, her expression somehow even colder. “Any other reason to believe the KGB are behind this?”

“Not currently. And honestly, if it was them, I don’t think they’d have left you behind, alive or dead. So probably just the result of an arms deal, which leaves us back with nothing.”

“I’ll put out feelers to my network,” Natasha said, leaning back slightly. “See who might talk to me who wouldn’t talk to S.H.I.E.L.D. At least our assassin was distinctive enough that those who’ve seen him are bound to remember him. If they’re still alive.”

“I mean, how many mercenaries with robot arms are really running around out there?” Clint commented.

“You’d be surprised,” Fury drawled.

“Not like this.” Natasha shook her head. “The way it moved, it looked like a natural arm. I’ve never seen prosthetics on that level before. I don’t think even Stark Industries is making things like that.”

“Funny you should mention that.” Fury scratched his beard casually. “We’ve been having some concerns about Tony Stark lately.”

“Is this about that whole Iron Man thing?” Laura asked before she could help herself. She knew she probably had more knowledge of S.H.I.E.L.D. operations than a civilian should, but if Fury insisted on holding meetings in her house or calling Clint when he was home, he had to accept his wife would be in the know.

Fury just arched his eyebrow in her direction as if he had forgotten she was there, which she knew he hadn’t. “Oh, I think we’re just beginning to deal with the fallout of ‘that whole Iron Man thing’.”

“You thinking about him for the Initiative?” Clint asked. Now that Laura had never heard of before.

“He’s certainly someone we’re keeping an eye on and would rather have working within the organization than as a loose cannon. Both generations of Starks have shown as much potential for trouble as they have technical genius. Fortunately, they’ve both shown the same weaknesses too.”

Laura realized he had turned his focus to Natasha and a slightly slimy feeling went through her.

Natasha seemed unfazed, though. “You want me to research our assassin and go undercover?”

“There’s no rush on the latter. We’ll need time to build your alias and I imagine it’ll still be a bit until you’re in field shape again. Until then, you two can go ghost hunting. The Stark assignment’s likely to be a long con anyway, something to ease you back into the job. Agent Coulson’s laid some good groundwork getting to know Stark’s personal assistant, a Ms. Potts, but that’s about the limit of his range. Stark’s territorial, especially with other men. You, however, we think could have more luck slipping into his inner circle.”

The implications in that proposal left a bad taste in Laura’s mouth, but she said nothing. They were spies. They knew what they were doing.

“I’m assuming we’re talking handling rather than data recovery here,” Clint said, with just a hint in his voice that suggested he had the same reservations Laura did.

“Consider it resource management,” Fury said smoothly. “I’m most interested in an assessment, not just of character but of his potential for working within S.H.I.E.L.D. Our scientists also would like to know exactly how the hell a person with a chunk of palladium lodged in his chest is still living and breathing, so we have multiple factors for consideration.”

He looked back at Natasha. “I’m putting my best on this for a reason, Natasha, and it’s not just Stark’s potential to blow up the world. I have a vested interest in him, partly for who his father was, and partly for who I know he can be.”

“You really think Tony Stark has the potential to be an Avenger?” Clint asked skeptically.

Fury looked back and forth between them. “I don’t know. But I’ve had some good luck with diamonds in the rough before.”

Laura smiled slightly at the silence that followed. Neither Clint nor Natasha were naturals at taking compliments, but she could see in the slight shift in their stances that his words got to them. She had long suspected Clint saw in Fury the father he wished he’d had, and now she believed Natasha did too.

“Well,” Natasha said, drawing back into her professionalism, “I’ll get right on this and try to find an identity for the shooter.”

“And I’ll get you more information on your cover for Stark’s surveillance,” Fury nodded.

“Anything you want me doing?” Clint asked.

“Just work with Romanoff on the Ghostbuster case. Coulson’s working with Agent May right now anyway—case out of Bahrain—so they’ll be busy for a bit. We’ll take whatever next steps we need to based on what you two dig up.

“So,” he concluded, pointing to Natasha, then Clint, “you see what you can catch in your web. You back her up. And you,” he turned to point at Laura, “let me know if these two start driving you crazy out here and you need me to get them out of your hair.”

Laura chuckled. “I’m just enjoying the change of pace having them home.”

Fury grunted his acknowledgment. “I’ll leave you to it, then. You know how to reach me. All three of you. Good to see you feeling better, Natasha.”

She looked up from the screen already consuming her, surprised. “Thanks. I’ll make up for lost time on this case.”

“Hey,” he said, slightly sternly to catch her attention. “I wasn’t talking about the job.”

Natasha didn’t seem to know what else to say to respond to that, but Fury was already nodding his farewell and heading back toward the front door. “Mrs. Barton, if I could ask one more favor of you?”

“Yes,” she frowned, nervous.

“Could you recommend somewhere in the nearby town a black man with one eye can get a decent piece of cobbler without anybody making a scene?”

She saw him out with directions to the best place she could think of and a deep-seated sense of relief, then returned to the house to reassure the kids the grown-ups were done talking. As she passed by the kitchen, she saw Clint and Natasha side-by-side, heads low in discussion over the screens Fury had left behind, and she knew their idyllic vacation time was at an end.

OOO

Natasha stayed with them for almost another month, but from that day forward her mind was already far away from the farmhouse. She was still engaged with the kids, still alert and helpful and pleasant to talk to, but every spare moment she was researching or contacting people across the world or training.

The physical training seemed to be her biggest concern. After several months of recovery and easy living, she seemed doubly motivated to regain her speed and muscle tone. It became a common thing for Laura to wake up before dawn and find coffee already going and Natasha’s jacket and shoes missing from the mudroom. After her morning run and research over breakfast, Nat and Clint would split their time between the sparring gear he stashed in the barn and the shooting range he had set up far from the homestead itself. They would come back sweaty and with a glint in Natasha’s eyes that sent a prickle up Laura’s spine, but as soon as the kids ran out to greet them, the predatory edge disappeared and she was just Auntie Nat again.

Until the next quiet moment when Laura caught her with a distant, internal expression again.

Ultimately, Clint was called back to work first. The preparations for Natasha’s cover in Stark Industries would take time to set up and Clint’s talents were needed, especially after something very bad apparently went down in Bahrain. Natasha intended to go back with him, but Fury preferred she stay at the farm until she was ready to take the physical tests to be cleared for duty, knowing she would just drive their medics crazy if she was on base without Clint and not allowed to work.

Within the week, Fury contacted her again with instructions for the documents they had to create for her cover. Given Tony Stark’s known…interests, one aspect they had agreed would secure his attention was a history in modeling. So, of all things, the first assignment that called the Black Widow back to duty was a photoshoot.

The night before she left, long after the kids had gone to bed, Laura found Natasha in her underwear looking at herself in the full-length mirror of her room, clearly assessing what would work best for her project. If anything, her lost muscle mass and weight due to the lengthy recovery would actually work in her favor. The bullet wound had closed and healed well for as severe as it was, but it had left a raised, keloided scar and the vivid pink stood out sharply against her otherwise pale skin. She ran her fingers around the mark slowly with a slightly regretful look on her face.

The expression fled as soon as she saw Laura approaching in the reflection. “Guess the airbrushers will have their work cut out for them tomorrow,” she commented with a wry smile.

“If they’re S.H.I.E.L.D. specialists, I’m sure it’s nothing new to them,” Laura said.

Natasha nodded, looking back at herself ruefully. “Still, I guess no missions that show skin in person anymore.”

Laura snorted. “Please, most women would still kill to look like you.”

“Well, as long as these pictures work for Stark, I’ll be in.”

Laura shifted uncomfortably as Natasha began pulling on pajamas. “Natasha, I’ve read the tabloids. Stark may be a genius, but…I don’t think he’s a nice man. I know you know how to handle that, but I want you to promise me something.”

Natasha paused in removing the bra from under her nightshirt, puzzled. “Yeah?”

“I know this is your job, but…you can say no. If you don’t feel comfortable, come home. If the photographers ask you to do anything you don’t want to, if Stark tries to make you do anything for him that’s unprofessional, I don’t care what Fury tells you—”

“Laura.” Natasha was watching her with a smirk of amusement, but touched amusement. “One of the benefits of being with S.H.I.E.L.D. is that they don’t force me to do stuff like that.”

The words, turned back on her from weeks before, should have comforted Laura, but the lingering implications about life before S.H.I.E.L.D. haunted her. She tried not to think about what Natasha had been made to do before Clint brought her to the US, or how young she had been when they first met.

Saying goodbye was harder than ever now that Natasha had been a daily part of their lives for several months. Natasha seemed genuinely startled and alarmed at the kids’ despair over her leaving, especially when Lila hugged onto her leg and refused to let go. Only repeated promises that she would visit again as soon as the mission was over and offers of souvenirs got them to relent and resign themselves to just pouting.

Laura hugged Natasha warmly, half-tempted to follow her daughter’s lead, but managed to stay the adult in the situation and wave farewell with only a slight hint of the worry in her heart. Not only had the last few months bonded her to Natasha more, but it drove home exactly how dangerous life was as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. And she hoped the next time she saw her husband and best friend, it wouldn’t be for medical leave again.

Seeing her loved ones off and getting the kids back into their routine of normal life was nothing new after all these years. Still, as Laura closed the door, the house seemed more quiet and empty than it ever had before.


	3. Chapter 3 - Avengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the delay on this chapter, but I hope it'll be worth the wait and that the fact that it's almost three times as long as the last two will be some consolation. I started this chapter thinking it would be kind of a quick, fill-in-the-gaps section leading up to the next big two, but as I got into it I realized it may not have much action, but it's an important time for both Clint and Natasha, and one I really wanted to try to do justice to well. Here's hoping I pulled it off.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and your very kind comments and favorites! The next two chapters are already mostly written as first drafts, so they should be finished much quicker.

The next time Clint's phone rang at an unexpected time was no easier than the first. Hearing Natasha's voice at the other end instead of Clint's nearly made her knees give out.

"He's not dead," were the first words out of her mouth, but they did little to ease Laura's fear.

Some kind of being who called himself the god Loki was loose on Earth and had members of S.H.I.E.L.D. under mind control. And Clint's simple "observe and report" assignment had put him first in line for being captured and possessed.

"I will bring him home," Natasha promised, her voice more stressed than Laura had ever heard it. "I swear to you, whatever it takes, I'll bring him home. They're calling in the biggest guns out there to deal with this."

Laura didn't doubt her passion or determination for a minute, but it only made the agony of waiting worse. If Natasha was that worried and S.H.I.E.L.D. was breaking out their strongest weapons and a god-like being was involved, what did that mean for one very human archer thrown in the middle of it all?

Natasha had promised to keep her updated when there was news. Laura decided not to tell the kids until there was news, so she tried to keep her fear hidden and continue life as usual. Cooper picked up on it a bit, though, so she admitted Daddy was on a stressful mission, as she had told them before. Still, he had to know there was something worse about this one than usual.

It was worse, she decided. Even worse than when she had sat on the phone with Clint after Natasha was shot. At least then they knew where she was and that she was getting the best care possible. There was no way of knowing where Clint was or what was being done to him. There was no guarantee Natasha wouldn't be captured or killed trying to save him. And there was nothing she could do until the damn phone rang and someone told her if she was a widow or not.

As the silence stretched for over a day, Laura was about ready to drive up to Washington and burst into Fury's office herself. She carried the phone with her everywhere, scared she wouldn't hear it over the shower or television, hating the little sleep her body forced her to get and waking throughout the night to check for voicemails. Each light snippet of sleep she managed seemed both short enough she wasn't sure she had actually slept and frustratingly long at the same time.

When the call finally did come in, Laura nearly jumped out of her skin. Her fingers shook trying to answer it.

"We've got him." Natasha's voice, calm and confident, was like a blessedly cool salve across her nerves.

"Him?" Laura asked urgently, needing to hear that she understood correctly and they hadn't just captured Loki, who awaited interrogation.

"We have Clint, all in one piece. He's in the room with me."

Laura let herself collapse then, sinking into a chair. "Oh, thank god. Can I talk to him?"

There was a brief hesitation that twisted her stomach again.

"I don't think that's a good idea yet. He's still fighting off the effects of the mind control. And a blow to the head."

Laura heard strained grunting in the background. Oh, Clint…

"The S.H.I.E.L.D. medics say he should make a full recovery," Natasha added in a reassuring tone. "I got us a private recovery room and I'm staying with him to help guide him back to himself."

It wasn't her husband safe in her arms, but it was about the best she could ask for right now. "Thank you, Natasha."

"Well, he did it for me."

Through everything else on her mind, Laura remembered those early days when she had nearly torn into Clint for volunteering to help deprogram a Soviet master assassin. Now she thanked every power listening that he had someone with him who could understand what he was going through.

"So, are you coming home after they clear him?"

"I'm not sure that's the best plan," Natasha answered hesitantly. "At least not yet. If there's still a mad god targeting us, I don't want to lead him to your door."

Laura's heart sank, but she understood. "Right. Well, go kick his ass then and give him an extra hit for me, would you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

OOO

Like most of the country, Laura and the kids wound up watching the Battle of New York on TV. Lila and Cooper were in awe of the incredible heroics and terrifying aliens, the events distant enough that they could see it as just a monster movie.

Laura was all too aware how real it was. The fleeing crowds, the flying creatures smashing pieces off buildings, the gunfire and billowing smoke all reminded her that a barely-recovered Clint was somewhere among the carnage.

"Look! It's Daddy!" Lila cried.

"And there's Aunt Nat!" Cooper pointed.

Sure enough, the smoke had cleared long enough to catch view of the entire party fighting for New York. Between the giant green beast, the thunder god, the historical war hero, and Iron Man himself, Clint stood in his purple armor, bow in hand and Natasha at his back. The camera wasn't close enough to show his face, which was probably a blessing for his identity's sake, but he looked strong and serious, very much his work-self that Laura had only seen on occasion in person. Whatever this Loki had done to him, Clint clearly intended to make him answer for it, and that warmed her heart at last.

They barely saw Clint or Natasha for the rest of the battle, since the cameras were more interested in the flashier actions of the iconic heroes, but now and then an exploding arrow or blur of red hair could be seen.

Even the kids went quiet when Iron Man steered the nuclear bomb into the portal and Laura suddenly regretted every nasty thought she'd had about Tony Stark.

But finally it was over, and after the celebrations of victory faded away, silence fell over the city. Well, except for the sirens and rescue efforts and collapses of damaged architecture. But the news crews apparently knew the "good part" was done and cut back to the studio for analysis.

Laura's nerves didn't completely relax, though, until a few hours later when the private phone rang one more time and Clint's very weary voice wrapped around her like a hug.

And Laura finally was able to sleep again.

OOO

It took a few days more for everything to be resolved enough that Clint could come home. The kids were beyond excited to see Daddy the Hero and it had taken all Laura could do to keep them from telling everyone they met that their dad was one of the Heroes of New York.

Still, when the quinjet landed on their property, she could barely keep herself from racing across the lawn behind the little ones. Clint bent to scoop both kids in his arms, holding them as long as their enthusiastic energy would tolerate before redirecting them to Natasha.

He stood as she walked over, lip quirking up in a shamefaced smile. "Am I in trouble for scaring you?"

"Shut up." She pulled him in for a kiss, relenting only to breathe, but still holding him close.

"Missed you too, baby," he murmured into her neck. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," she whispered back. It felt so good to have him in front of her, with even fewer visible injuries than he usually got out of a routine mission.

Over his shoulder she caught Natasha's eyes and mouthed, 'Thank you.' Natasha just nodded back.

As relieved as she was, Laura could still feel something was off with Clint. He felt a little too tense in her arms, like he was holding something back. "You okay?" she whispered as they separated.

"Much better now," he said with a crooked smile.

"Do I need to have a word with Fury for putting you in that position?" she said faux-sternly, hands on her hips.

"I'd love to see that, but considering how much vacation he just gave me, maybe I'll call it even for a while."

"Oh, cool!"

They turned to see both kids hurrying toward them, each holding something small and dark with excitement gleaming in our eyes.

"Look what Auntie Nat gave us!"

"She said they're real alien teeth, from New York! That she punched out herself!"

"Wow. That's definitely…unique," Laura managed, giving Natasha a look.

"I haven't had much time for souvenir shopping," she shrugged. "I had to make do."

As they headed inside, Lila and Cooper dragged Clint toward the living room. "Come on, come on!" Lila crooned. "We drew you guys fighting the aliens."

"We'll be there in just a second," Laura said, catching Natasha's arm subtly.

Clint froze briefly, giving Natasha an almost scared look.

"I'll be right here," she assured, soothingly. "I can see you."

He nodded, putting a grin back on and focusing on the kids.

Laura frowned once the kids weren't watching. Clint had never been afraid in their own home. If he wouldn't even let Natasha out of his sight…

"If this is about the teeth, they're replicas," Natasha said. "S.H.I.E.L.D.'s trying to restrict any alien remnants until they know they're safe. There's a street vendor making a killing by throwing those 'genuine artifacts' together."

"No, that's fine." Laura shifted slightly, folding her arms. "How's he doing?"

"He's shaken, even if he won't show it," Natasha answered solemnly. "But he's strong and being with family will do him good. Being around S.H.I.E.L.D. was hard since we lost Coulson."

"Coulson died?!" Laura whispered, shocked. She had never met the man, but knew he had been a trusted handler and friend for both Clint and Natasha.

"He didn't tell you that? I'll tell you all about it later if he doesn't. It's…been a rough week."

"No kidding. Anything I should watch out for or do for Clint now that he's home?"

Natasha shrugged. "Wait and see how he reacts, I guess. He got to shoot Loki, so that helped. I'm trying not to bring it up too much, but he might want to later. Mind control's…a difficult thing to make peace with."

"Right." Laura watched him interacting with the kids, to all appearances his normal self. "You okay?"

Natasha gave her an odd look. "Yeah, all I got were a few bruises in the battle."

Laura meant more how it felt watching someone she cared about go through the same brainwashing she had endured herself growing up, not to mention losing one of the few friends she had on top of it, but it was neither the time nor the setting to press the issue.

"He asked if I would stay for a while," Natasha continued. "Is that all right or…?"

"Of course! Your room's always ready for you." To be honest, she was kind of relieved Natasha would be there too. She really wasn't sure what it was, but the difference in Clint was just obvious enough to make her glad to have someone more experienced with his type of recovery on hand.

They headed into the living room to look at the children's drawings. Laura noted that Natasha took a place standing right behind Clint.

"There's you and Hulk, and Cooper drew Auntie Nat saving Iron Man," Lila was explaining.

"Nice creative liberty," Natasha nodded.

"It felt right," Cooper shrugged.

"And I did this one of Loki!"

Laura and Natasha froze, seeing Clint's arm tense as Lila held up her drawing. Laura wasn't sure what to do if he reacted badly. Natasha seemed to be braced for whatever might happen too.

"I drew stink lines around him 'cause he's a butt."

Clint busted out laughing then, pulling his daughter in for a tight hug. "I'll tell you, I was right there beside him and I can say that's an accurate drawing."

Laura relaxed then. If he could joke about it, then he'd be okay.

As she smiled over at him, she noticed Natasha had her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. Though she didn't want to admit it, the sense of unease in Laura's stomach rose, just slightly.

OOO

The rest of the day went surprisingly normally. With the kids eager to have time with their dad, there wasn't much chance to have a private chat. She noticed Clint seemed to want it that way, initiating busy activities where he didn't have to talk too much, Natasha his constant shadow. Laura knew getting fully back to normal would take time, but having Clint be distant at all was a worrying change.

Later that night, as she was getting the kids' supplies ready for bathtime, she heard Clint's voice coming from Natasha's room. She glanced down the hallway to see her door partially closed. Clint and Nat talking privately was nothing new, but having the door closed, even partway, was.

Through the open wedge, she could see Natasha watching Clint pace irritably.

"This was a mistake," he growled, one hand scrubbing through his hair. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Every time I'm alone with Laura or the kids, I just keep expecting to…" He clenched both fists shakily.

"You won't," Natasha soothed. "It's over."

"How do we know? We didn't know there was a so-called god who could do mind control in the first place. How can we know it's completely broken?"

"Thor has him and the tesseract contained."

Clint snorted. "Yeah, 'cause Thor did such a good job keeping Loki in line to begin with."

"S.H.I.E.L.D. gave you the all-clear. Nothing's going to happen—"

"You don't know that!" Clint snapped furiously, whirling at her.

Faster than Laura's eye could even follow, Natasha flashed into motion and had Clint on his knees, arms held behind his back painfully. Laura felt like she should do something, but shock prevented her body from moving any more than Clint could.

Natasha put her mouth right next to his ear as she hissed, "Even if I genuinely thought you were a threat, do you really think I'd let you hurt anyone in this house?"

He grunted something that sounded like "No."

Natasha loosened her grip, letting him relax, and slid in front of him, her demeanor immediately back to calm concern. She kept one hand on the back of his neck, making him look at her, but massaging gently.

"I know, after something like that it's going to take a long time before you trust your own thoughts, before you're certain nothing's manipulating you anymore. But it will get better."

She sighed. "Look, I'm with you, whatever you need to do. If you want to get out of here, go somewhere just the two of us for a while, we'll do it." She moved her hands to either side of his face, focusing him. "But you have to talk to Laura."

Clint closed his eyes, then nodded wearily, raising a hand to rest on her extended arm. "Yeah. I know."

Natasha's eyes flicked toward the door then and Laura found herself jerking back out of sight. She should have figured a gifted spy would know when she was being watched, but how much had she realized Laura heard?

When no one came immediately to ask her about it, Laura made herself get back to setting up the bath with a slightly sick feeling in her stomach. Not just because Clint was still obviously suffering over his ordeal, but for the doubt and suspicion she hated herself for feeling.

Was it really unreasonable, though? Clint and Natasha would never cheat; she knew that in her core. But trauma changed people. She had heard how many marriages fell apart when soldiers returned home with PTSD. What if she and Clint became distanced over this? Natasha could relate to him so much better. Even if they didn't intend to, how much would it take for him to feel more comfortable with her than at home?

Laura shook herself. There was no point freaking out until she had confirmed reason to. "What if" fears helped no one and Lila needed her right now.

She got the kids bathed and settled, giving no indication it was anything but a normal evening, then checked in on Natasha. If the other woman had truly caught her eavesdropping, she said nothing about it. Laura wasn't sure if that made her more or less nervous.

Clint had been saying goodnight to the kids when Laura went to brush her teeth and change. Given his state of mind, she had to wonder if he would be joining her tonight of if he would feel better sleeping downstairs. Or in Natasha's room, a bitter part of her mind whispered.

But when she walked out of the bathroom in her nightgown, she found Clint at the foot of the bed, pulling his shirt off. With his back to her, she could see the new scrapes and bruises layered over the faded scars she knew by heart. He looked over at her, managing a lopsided grin that almost passed as his usual sheepish expression if you didn't look at his eyes.

"I can, uh, shower if you want or…"

"You could be covered in manure for all I care," Laura smiled. "As long as you're safe."

"Yeah? Maybe I should get captured more often."

The attempted joke fell flat and they both felt it drop, lead-bound, between them. Please don't, Laura thought, but managed not to voice her plea.

Clint cleared his throat. "You mind if we sleep with the door open tonight?"

"Yeah, no, whatever you need."

"Thanks."

She climbed into bed as he finished undressing down to his boxers. He slid into his side of the bed, sighing as he relaxed into the familiar mattress. She noted, though, he stayed precisely on his side of the invisible line between them.

"No more work trips for a while," he murmured, nestling into the blankets.

Laura took that as a good sign. "Anytime you want to talk about it—"

"I know." He reached out and threaded his fingers through hers. "And I will. But not tonight?"

"Not tonight," she agreed.

They fell asleep, each on their separate sides, but facing each other with their hands linked between them. Laura relished the calloused warmth of his hand, holding hers with a neediness he was otherwise holding back.

Still, Laura couldn't shake the feeling she would look up in the night to see Natasha's shadow in the doorway.

OOO

The next morning, Laura woke up before Clint. Nightmares had woken them both several times during the night, so if he was finally getting some restful sleep, she had no intention of disturbing him.

The kids were off school for the weekend, so she headed quietly downstairs in the cool grey of morning. A few birds had started their day too and their songs drifted through the silent house.

As did the smell of coffee.

Laura supposed she shouldn't have been surprised to find Natasha already awake and sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee, reading on her S.H.I.E.L.D. tablet.

She looked up. "Started coffee. Hope you don't mind."

"Not if you share." Laura got out a mug and poured her own. "Working this early?"

"Couldn't sleep."

Laura looked over, brow raised at the admission. "Yeah?" She settled at the table across from Natasha. "Which part's getting to you?"

Natasha raised a sardonic eyebrow of her own. "Hm, tough choice. There's having an old friend killed by a Norse god, almost being torn apart by a teammate in Hulk form, the world almost being destroyed by aliens…Oh, and my best friend being possessed and trying to kill me." The dry tone of her voice faded as she shrugged, picking up her mug. "It wasn't the worst mission I've been on, by far. Shouldn't be a big deal."

"So why is it?" Laura asked knowingly.

Natasha was quiet a moment, eyes distant and thoughtful, hands gripping her cup as if she needed the warmth. Laura sipped patiently, giving her time to work through her feelings.

"It's not just the parts that hit too close to home; I was prepared for that," Natasha said gradually. "In every job I've done, I knew what I was up against. Dictators and murderers and the worst evils politics can create. But I knew they were human and I could handle them. Since Stark, since New Mexico, and now alien portals and gods and men who turn into monsters… The scale of the battle's changed."

Laura watched her, struck again by how much Natasha left the Black Widow at the door when she was here. The angle of the rising sunlight made the shadows under her eyes more prominent, the bruises on her arm and shoulder starker. Without her uniform, in just an oversized tank top and pajama bottoms, a touch of bedhead folding some of her hair, she looked like she should be pulling an all-nighter over college finals, not battle trauma.

"Thinking it's a sign to step back for a change?" she asked gently.

Natasha's eyes snapped to hers, focused, and Laura saw a flash of the Widow again. "Thinking I've got more work to do now than ever before."

Laura found herself a bit intimidated by the force of conviction behind that stare and flicked her gaze away unconsciously. She looked down at the tablet, frowning slightly. Rather than S.H.I.E.L.D. datafiles or communications, the screen showed news reports detailing the recovery efforts in New York; the damage costs, the mortality rates.

Natasha shut the screen off before Laura could ask anything more. "So, how's Clint?"

Laura blinked, but accepted the change of topic. "Not bad, all things considered. A few nightmares, but he reached out to me, so that was encouraging."

"Good. Good." Natasha nodded. "He needs you, Laura."

Laura looked up, not wanting to show how much that would mean to her right now. "You think so?"

"Absolutely. No matter what he says, being home here with his family is essential for him to get better. As long as he stayed at work, he was going to keep pretending he was fine. There are things I know he's not telling me. I can protect him and you physically, but he needs you, Laura." Natasha held her eyes firmly. "He needs his wife."

There was something in Natasha's expression that made Laura pause and really consider why Natasha was telling her this. She had always been incredibly perceptive. Even if she hadn't caught Laura overhearing her conversation with Clint, Laura suspected she would have been aware of the odd dynamics their family situation created. Maybe Natasha had her own mixed feelings about her role amidst the married couple.

Whatever the exact reason, Laura appreciated the other woman in Clint's life making the effort to reassure her.

"I wonder if he knows how lucky he is to have both of us?" she commented, smiling.

"He knows." Laura jumped as Clint walked into the dining room behind her. "Still trying to figure out what I did to deserve it."

"As long as you don't forget it," Natasha smirked, getting up. "I'm going to step out to give Fury his update." She held up the phone. "Should be in his office by now, Eastern time."

"On the porch?" Clint asked, that slight tension in his voice again.

"Right outside the door. Sit. Relax. Unless you'd rather be the one to risk calling Fury before his first coffee?"

Clint's nose wrinkled. "I'll play the convalescent card. He likes you better anyway."

Natasha snorted, heading out.

The kitchen fell silent again as the door closed, the awkwardness Natasha had been buffering settling in once more.

"There's coffee on the counter," Laura offered.

"Oh yeah? Thanks, hon."

She considered correcting him that Natasha had made it, but didn't bother.

The mug clinked as he took it out of the dish drainer and poured. She heard a familiar "Aww…" and was oddly comforted to see that Clint's gifted hands that could put an arrow through a fly at two hundred yards still couldn't fill a coffee mug without spilling some.

"Didn't mean to wake you so early," she said as he sat across from her, back to the door to the porch.

"You didn't."

Laura wondered if he'd had another nightmare after she got up and felt bad at the idea of him waking in fear alone.

Setting down her mug, she caught his eyes and signed, 'How are you doing?'

He looked confused at her language switch, then followed her glance behind him to where Natasha's conversation with Fury was faintly audible through the windows. Accepting that she was giving him a bit of privacy, he shrugged. 'I'm fine.'

She wanted to press for more, but wasn't sure if he would vent in ASL. Besides, Natasha might rejoin them any time, so she tabled the conversation until they had a longer time alone. "What do you want for breakfast?"

His face brightened then, the shadows visibly receding. "That's right, home-cooked food again. Nothing from the NASA food court or any of that healthy New York stuff Stark had."

"Fresh eggs?"

"Lots of eggs. And bacon. Do we have bacon?"

Laura gave him a slightly scornful look. "I knew you were coming. Of course I stocked up on bacon."

His face split into a huge grin. "See? I don't deserve you."

He had unconsciously squeezed her hand warmly and suddenly hesitated, pulling back with a glance toward the door. Laura's heart tightened that he was so scared of hurting her that he feared even touching her. She caught his hand as it receded, bringing it to her lips to kiss his knuckles. "Yes, you do."

He relaxed slightly, squeezing her fingers again in return, then gently got up. "Well, the least I can do is cook you breakfast then."

She smiled, accepting his effort at normalcy. "I won't complain about that."

"Complain about what?" Natasha asked, walking back in.

"Clint cooking for us."

"Oh, I could get used to that," Natasha said, retrieving her coffee mug.

"I'd wait on that until we see how these turn out," Clint said dubiously, fishing some bits of eggshell out of the pan.

"It has to be better than that time you cooked breakfast on the hood of our jeep in Burma." She made a face at Laura. "He tried to convince me the bugs were pepper."

"Hey, protein is protein," he argued, waving a spatula toward her. "Did Fury want anything?"

"Probably for the World Security Council to disappear, but that's nothing new. We're still cleared for indefinite leave. He has Stark fielding most of the press and government fallout from New York, so probably best we stay away for a while anyway."

"I don't know. That sounds like a circus that might be worth seeing."

"I'd rather watch it from your living room with a warm breakfast if it's all the same to you."

"You're getting soft, Romanoff…"

Laura sat back, sipping her coffee as the familiar banter flowed around her. Maybe they could put all the fear and stress on hold and just pretend it was a normal weekend visit, even if it only lasted as long as breakfast.

OOO

The rest of the day alternated between moments of easy friendliness and awkward reminders of the underlying tension between them. Clint still avoided alone time with any one family member, getting nervous whenever Natasha was too far away. Natasha, for her part, had started making it a point to ignore him, ostensibly reading or talking to Laura, but Laura saw the watchful eye she kept on him regardless. She seemed to be gauging him, but for what Laura couldn't be sure.

Later that evening as Laura started looking through the refrigerator for dinner options, Natasha brushed beside her, grabbing the keys to the truck off their hook by the door. "Don't plan for me or the kids. I'm taking them to town for dinner and a movie."

"You're what?" she blurted, surprised.

"Since when?" Clint asked from the table, setting down his bow.

"Since Cooper and Lila have been going on all day about that new science-fiction film."

"The one that's PG-13?" Laura asked reflexively, her maternal side still intact despite her confusion.

"Don't worry, I read the reviews online. Nothing in it they haven't already seen me or Clint do."

"Hold on, you're taking our kids out without even asking us?" Clint demanded.

"Most parents are thrilled to have the house to themselves for the evening. A quiet meal, time to just talk…" Natasha gave Laura a significant look and Laura felt new regret for every doubt she had had about her over the last few days.

"Well, when you put it that way… Thanks, Nat," she said, moving to rest her hand on Clint's shoulder. "We really appreciate it."

"But," Clint floundered, panic slightly coloring his voice, "what if something happens?"

"I have my phone on me. I'll keep it on, even during the movie."

"That's all the way in town," Clint protested, his voice dropping low. "If I—"

"Clint." Natasha's light voice went firm, expression shifting to one that brooked no argument. "You haven't shown any sign of problems since we broke Loki's hold."

"But what if he's waiting till I'm alone?"

"We're not going to prove that wrong if I'm glued to your side. At some point, you have to fly solo." A bit of mischief sparkled in her eye. "But if you want, I'll take your bow with me."

His hand closed quickly on the bow and Laura nearly laughed at his expression, so like Cooper's when he was asked to share his toys.

Laura squeezed his shoulder subtly. "Just tell your very thoughtful partner thank you, Clint."

His fingers loosened on his bow, muscles still tense, but expression resigned. "Thanks, Nat."

"No problem. I'll put them to bed when we get back too, so don't wait up for us."

There was a thunder of running feet as the kids in question bounded down the stairs. "Ready, Auntie Nat!"

Laura stared. Lila was dressed in all black with her hair pulled tightly back in a ponytail. Cooper was looking serious in the suit he always complained about wearing for family photos. And both…

"It's almost sunset. Why are you wearing sunglasses?"

"We're being spies!" Lila enthused, beaming excitedly. "So we can sneak into a PG-13 movie!"

"Lila!" Cooper growled, exasperated. "You can't tell everybody that!"

Somewhere between baffled and amused, Laura turned to find Natasha putting on her own sunglasses, fully back in Agent Romanoff mode.

"She's right. They've agreed to go on a covert mission and protecting your identity is a high priority." She turned back to the kids. "But the number one priority is to blend in. You might be a bit overdressed for our plans, but it'll work. The key is behaving so you won't stand out. So during dinner and the movie, you need to act like grown-ups. Sit quietly like they do, don't fight with each other, be as mature as you can be."

"And then they'll think we're over thirteen?" Lila asked, eyes wide.

"Do it well enough, you can probably even order off the adult menu."

That got a renewed flurry of excitement. The kids were a bustle of activity as they hugged Clint and Laura goodbye and were herded out the door.

"Can I drive?" Cooper asked.

"Senior agent drives; it's the rules."

With the kids out, Natasha paused in the doorway, raising her sunglasses to give Laura and Clint a self-satisfied smirk and wink before closing the door behind her.

Laura stared in silence, jaw slack. "Why didn't I ever think of that?"

"Best secret agent in the business." Clint shook his head admiringly.

Best friend too, Laura mused. She turned to Clint, determined to make the most of this gift they had been given. "Well, Mr. Barton," she said coyly as she sidled over, "it appears we have the house to ourselves."

She saw him consciously swallow his nervousness and return an attempt at a playful grin. "So we do. What shall we do about that?"

"Well, since we're grown-ups too, I guess the question is whether we want to have dessert before dinner," Laura said breathily, sliding her arms around his neck.

His smile faltered and he pulled back a bit, eyes shadowed again. "Would I be in trouble if I asked to build up to dessert?"

Her optimism sank, but she backed off immediately. "Of course not! Whatever you want, we'll do."

She squeezed his arm and headed back to the kitchen, getting salad fixings out of the fridge.

When she looked up, Clint was rubbing the bridge of his nose, agitated. "Laura, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Laura asked, fear rising in her stomach.

"For…how I've been since I got home. You're so amazing and I'm just…not myself."

"Sweetheart, you have nothing to apologize for," Laura said, closing the fridge and walking back to the other side of the counter he leaned on. "You've been through something horrible, that I can only imagine. Nobody can blame you for needing some recovery time."

"I know, but I just don't want you to think it's changed how much I love you." Laura's heart swelled to hear him say it. "I adore you and I count my blessings every day you put up with me. It's just–"

"You don't want to hurt us," she finished. "Me and the kids."

"Yeah." His eyes were pained. "Loki made me kill S.H.I.E.L.D. agents."

Laura felt a chill. She had known he had done some bad things under the god's influence, but she hadn't heard absolute confirmation that it involved friendly fire.

"Nat won't tell me how many or which ones 'cause she says it's not my fault, but…" He paused. "I get flashes of it here and there. Like somebody else is working my hands, but I see it through my own eyes. I know I'm doing it and I can't stop. I just could never live with myself if I did anything to you."

"I know," Laura said. "But Nat's right, and not just about blaming yourself. You can take some time alone away from home if it makes you feel better, but you'd just be putting off the real test. You'll never feel better until you see it's safe to be around us. And maybe it's selfish, but, frankly, I want that time with you."

He looked up, worry still wrinkling his brow. "I just want to be myself for you again."

Laura put her hand over his. "Clint, what did our vows say?"

He frowned with confusion now. "Love, honor, and, emphasis in my case on 'obey'?

"That too, but I was thinking of 'for better or worse'. We both knew going into this we'd have good times and bad. I accepted all of your past and you accepted all of mine. I'm not expecting you to be perfect Clint, or to spring back immediately. I just love you. No matter what time you need, we'll do it. If you need a chaperone around, that's okay. If there are some things you don't feel comfortable doing, either for a while or never again, we'll work with it."

She stood and leaned over to kiss the stress from his forehead. "I just want to be with you."

She straightened and turned back toward the table. Her heart leapt suddenly with a slight thrill of fear as Clint's hand shot out and grabbed her arm, but when she looked back into his eyes, all she saw was pure, ardent love.

He gently pulled her back and drew her in for a passionate, desperate kiss. In his pressure and warmth she felt all the love, gratitude, relief, and longing he had been trying to hold back since arriving at the house. She wrapped her arms around his neck, reveling in the familiarity of having her husband, her Clint, truly home at last.

Gradually, they moved to the living room, dinner forgotten. It was warm and emotional, a time of reassurance and reconnecting with each other, relearning the scars and feel of his muscle and softness of his hair, as he retraced the lines and curves and stretchmarks of her own body with a type of reverence.

Ultimately, Clint stopped himself before they went too far and she respected his reluctance to feel out of control even for a few moments. They wound up on the couch, wrapped around each other in peaceful silence. The gentle rise and fall of Clint's chest under her head lulled Laura into a contented doze as his fingers played in her hair.

"I want to stay like this forever," he murmured.

She smiled. "Remind me to send the director a thank you card for giving you time off."

His hand around her ribs tightened slightly. "I don't think I want to go back."

"Well, you've got a while till then, right?"

"Laura. I mean ever."

The drowsy haze faded and Laura looked up to find him staring at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You're serious?"

"Agent May—Coulson's partner, who went through hell in Bahrain?—after that she switched to a desk position. Maybe she had the right idea."

Laura shifted to watch him easier. "You in a desk job?"

"I know, it's just…I have you and the kids to think about. The world's changing," he said grimly. "Monsters and gods and aliens… I'm a guy with a bow and arrow. I've got a wife and kids. I wanted to finish that business with Loki, but it did get me thinking about how bad things could have gone."

"Your job's always been dangerous," Laura said. "You've known that since before we married."

"I know. This just drove home how much I have to lose. And I'm not thinking retirement, just…scaling back. Not so much field time; more home time."

"Well, I wouldn't complain about that." Laura rested her head against Clint's shoulder. "If you think it would make you happy."

"Maybe." He sighed heavily. "I just don't know how to tell Nat."

"You know she'll support you whatever you choose."

"I know. I just know she's not in the same place I am. You should've seen her with the Avengers. It's like it brought something out of her. We've always been the 'knife in the shadows' kind of people, but she was diving in right beside the others like fighting aliens hand-to-hand was nothing." He shook his head. "She says he didn't, but I swear Loki got in her head somehow too."

Laura looked up, startled. "What makes you say that?"

"Ah, the way she was talking before New York. She was spoiling for a fight, talking like a soldier."

"Well, she had just seen her best friend messed with by the enemy, and another friend killed," Laura pointed out. "Makes it personal."

"Maybe." He frowned, trying to put his finger on something. "She mentioned her ledger."

"Her what?"

"It's, uh, the way she describes this mental account she keeps of her life," he explained, gesturing vaguely. "All the bad things she did, what she's done to make up for it. Repaying debts. When she first joined S.H.I.E.L.D., I think it gave her a way to come to terms with her past and how to move forward. But she hadn't mentioned it in years. I thought she'd made peace that her work with S.H.I.E.L.D. was doing some good, but maybe not."

Laura thought back to the articles she had seen Natasha reading about the fallout from the Battle of New York and the determination in her eyes, and she suspected the ledger had just gotten longer. "It's hard to feel like you've ever completely made amends for your past. We both know that."

"Yeah." He held her tighter. "But there's no way Nat would switch to a desk job, especially if she's on a crusade for redemption again. She's never worked with anyone else at S.H.I.E.L.D, not the way we did. She'll hate me if I abandon her."

Laura rubbed his arm. "So what are you going to do?"

"I need to talk to Nick." He rolled over, kissing her. "But for tonight, I'd love to just forget the whole thing and have a home-cooked meal with my wife."

"That I can do."

OOO

They wound up leaving a mess in the kitchen and dining room to settle in early and just watch mindless TV in the bedroom. Clint dozed off before ten, so Laura turned out the light and slipped out to check on the rest of the house.

She saw Natasha upstairs closing Cooper's door and smiled as the other woman caught her eye and headed down to greet her.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"Pretty well," Natasha nodded. "They're good kids to begin with. The plan backfired a bit when some drunk businessmen at the restaurant started getting rowdy, though, and they still tried to 'blend in'."

"Oh no." Laura covered her mouth.

"Yeah. Lila knows a dirty joke now and Cooper called the waitress 'toots', but I corrected them. How were things here?"

"It went really, really well. I think it was just what Clint needed."

"Good." Natasha smiled. "I hope he'll relax a bit now."

Careful what you wish for, Laura mused as Natasha continued on to the kitchen to get a drink. If Clint did go through with his semi-retirement, Natasha's life was about to change dramatically. Laura briefly worried what that loss of security might do to her if her mind was already troubled with guilt and self-loathing. As much as Natasha maintained a light, teasing air while she was there, Laura had glimpsed how deep her emotions for Clint and his family ran too many times over the years to be fooled.

On a whim, Laura walked over and wrapped Natasha in a hug.

"What's this for?" Natasha asked, surprised but not resisting.

"Everything," Laura said, face still hidden in Natasha's hair. "The last few weeks have been so bad and I don't know what I would've done without you. I don't know how to repay you for it."

"You don't have to," Natasha shrugged as Laura let go. "You take care of the people you care about."

Laura bit her lip as Natasha finished getting a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed back upstairs, hoping whatever Clint decided didn't ruin the peace they had been so fortunate to nurture here. But she couldn't shake the feeling that as one storm calmed, another was building just offshore.

OOO

It went about as well as Laura had expected. She let Clint handle the conversation by himself, since it was his choice and his partnership, but she lingered outside the room out of sight in case it went badly.

"So, Nat, how long were you thinking about staying out here?" he asked as they cooled down from that day's workout.

She shrugged, gulping a bottle of water. "However long you want. Up to you."

"What if I'm thinking about an indefinite amount of time?"

"Then we'll do whatever you need."

"I mean a long time out of the field, Nat."

"So?" she grinned. "You gave me months out here when I was shot. Least I can do is return the favor."

She wasn't going to make this any easier, Laura thought, seeing the guilt tighten Clint's shoulders.

"I know, and it means a lot to me that you've got my back, always. But I'm talking about a really long time. Kind of like…retirement."

Natasha stopped now, supportive smile giving way to a confused frown. "Clint, I know this shook you, but are you sure you should make a decision that big without thinking about it—?"

"I know. I'm not talking about total retirement. I'd still go on Avengers business and any missions that required you and me specifically, but all the time in between, I was thinking I could start working remotely from home."

"Huh." Natasha wiped her neck with a towel. "I know you see better from a distance, but that's a hell of a commute."

"Well, I'm hoping not to get called in that often."

Laura could see the conflicted feelings sneak into Natasha's carefully flat expression. "You think Fury'll go for that, with everything going on right now?"

"He already has."

Now Natasha's eyes sharpened, going cold. "You already talked to him?"

"Yeah. I had to know what my options were. And he was pretty understanding actually. Apparently he's been trying to find a good partner for Captain America anyway and since you'd be free—"

"You talked to Fury about this before you talked to me?!"

Her tone stopped his optimistic sales pitch. "I had to know what choices we had before I brought it up. Make sure you'd be taken care of—"

"And you didn't think I'd want a say in my own future? What if I'd rather stay your partner?"

"You can, always," he assured, holding his hands up. "It's just, I'm not going to be doing much and I can't ask you to just hang around here forever."

"We're partners, that's what you do for each other."

"I didn't want you to! I just need some time with my family!"

He didn't mean it like that. Laura knew he didn't. Still, she could almost feel the knife in Natasha's heart from there.

Clint must have too because his voice was instantly softer. "Nat—"

"No, you're right. You're right." There wasn't even anger in her voice anymore, just a certain quiet sadness and embarrassment. "You should have quality time with your family. So I'll get out of your way."

"Nat, I—" he tried, but she picked up her water and brushed past him without stopping.

"Glad you're feeling so much more confident, Clint."

Laura stayed back out of sight as Natasha made tracks back to her room. She stepped forward when Clint walked to the doorframe, grief in his eyes.

"I messed that up."

"She's not going to leave before she can say goodbye to the kids. You have time to fix things."

"Yeah." He rubbed his face roughly. "I knew this was going to hurt her. She's been so amazing about this all and I betray her in return."

"You did not betray her," Laura scolded. "She's a big girl. She'll be okay once you explain yourself better."

He grunted noncommittally, eyes focusing on the far wall. "Do you know what scared me most when Loki's magic made me want to kill Nat?"

Laura's blood chilled slightly. "What?"

"That I was relieved. He was in my mind. He could have sent me after you and the kids, but he didn't and I was grateful. I was glad he chose her."

"You don't have to feel guilty about that," Laura said gently. "You're a husband and father. That should be your priority."

"I know, but…I've never had to choose before. You never made me pick and it just scares me how fast the answer came."

"Putting your family first doesn't mean you don't love her too," Laura said firmly, striding up to him. "You know that's exactly the choice she would have wanted you to make. Going after her kept you away from civilians and gave her the chance to save you instead of some random S.H.I.E.L.D. agent putting you down without a thought. Who else would be skilled enough to stop you in that state without hurting you…too much?"

He smiled slightly, bittersweetly. "Best partner in the world."

Laura put a hand on the side of his face, making him look at her. "Then show her that. If you don't make it right before she leaves, you're never going to be able to rest."

"Yes, ma'am," he nodded, holding her hand to his cheek for a moment. "I just wish I knew how. Shame I can't solve every problem with a bow and arrow."

His eyes brightened thoughtfully.

"Got an idea?" Laura asked.

"Yeah. It's probably silly, but it might work. I'm going to have to stop at the mall when I pick the kids up from school."

Laura smiled to see him reinvigorated with a mission. "I'll hold down the fort."

He kissed her. "You always do. I may need your opinion. Maybe Lila will know, but I should probably ask you—"

"Just text me. I'll be here, covering for you. Now go clean up your mess."

OOO

Natasha kept to herself most of the afternoon, burying herself in S.H.I.E.L.D. updates. If she noticed Clint's absence, she didn't comment on it. Laura gave her space, not wanting to interfere with whatever Clint had planned.

Laura was beginning to think she should start taking up work as a spy, or at least a voyeur, as she settled in once again to watch her husband and best friend talk from a distance.

"Hey," Clint said softly, knocking on the doorframe to Natasha's room. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"It's your house," Natasha said emotionlessly, setting another shirt in her travel bag on the bed.

Ouch.

Clint grimaced, but stepped into the room. "So, you know I'm an idiot."

"I've noted it," she agreed, not looking up from her packing.

"Right. Well, I wanted to apologize. No matter what I was thinking about, I shouldn't have gone to Fury behind your back before talking to you about it. You're my partner."

"Am I still?" she snapped, sparing him a glare out of the side of her eyes, although her undertone suggested the question was genuine.

"Always. As long as you'll have me. No one could ever ask for a better friend than you. Everything you've done for me, for the family… I don't want you to think I don't appreciate it all."

"I'm not looking for your gratitude, Clint."

"No, but you deserve it. And I know I messed up and I understand if you don't forgive me, but I at least wanted to give you this," he said, holding out a tiny wrapped box with a stick-on ribbon on top.

Natasha eyed it dubiously. "Are you trying to buy your way out of this?"

"Just open it and I'll explain."

She hesitated, then sighed, accepted the box, and unwrapped it with mild irritation. As she opened the jewelry box within, she arched an eyebrow at Clint. "An arrow necklace."

"There's a story to it. This job has kept me away from home a lot and that hasn't just been hard on Laura. As the kids got old enough, they started getting upset that I was gone so much, that Daddy wasn't there for them. So a few years ago, I bought each of them an arrow like that. Well, not exactly like that. Cooper's is a keychain and Lila's has diamonds or cubic zirconias or something—"

"Clint," Natasha prodded.

"Right. Anyway, it's a promise. That no matter how far away I am or what's going on, I'm always thinking of them and I will be there for them. Because I always keep track of where my arrows land."

Laura smiled softly.

Natasha watched him silently for a moment, then shook her head. "You're a sentimental idiot."

Clint slumped, letting his head drop in defeat. "Yeah. Sorry, I'll—"

He reached out to take the box back, but Natasha pulled it back out of reach. "Didn't say that was a bad thing."

He perked up hopefully. "Yeah?"

Natasha sighed, turning to sit on the bed, eyes on the box in her hands. "I didn't mean to be selfish, Clint."

"When have you ever been selfish?" he asked, mirroring Laura's own confusion.

Natasha shook her head. "I let myself get too comfortable, overstepped the boundaries with your family—"

"Hey!" He crouched in front of her, putting his hands over hers. "That's not true. This is your home too, Nat. You're family. That's what the arrow means."

"But not family you want around right now."

Her voice didn't quiver or crack, but the question itself was as close to a sign of vulnerability as Laura knew the woman would allow in this kind of situation. A plea for explanation of what she had done wrong.

"Nat…" Clint moved to sit beside her on the bed and she didn't move away. "No matter what I said while being an idiot, that's not why I asked Fury about reassigning you while I'm out. I'm so grateful you're willing to stick around while I'm getting myself back together and prioritizing my home life, but I know how you feel when you don't have a mission. You get stir-crazy and no amount of computer work would fill that urge to do more. Even if you didn't mean to and even if you denied it to yourself, you'd resent me eventually. And I would feel horrible for holding you back."

She started to protest, but Clint held up his hand. "I'm not looking for flattery or anything like that. I saw you during the battle, Nat. You were amazing. We were up against enemies like we've never seen before and you dove in like you were born for it."

"So did you," she countered.

"I followed you. I wanted a piece of Loki and did what I could to hurt him, but you… You didn't just go back for revenge. We could have left the fight to the big guns, the heroes, but you were already one of them. You weren't a spy that day, Nat. You were an Avenger."

She didn't seem to know what to say to that, but Clint was continuing anyway. "Not using those gifts of yours would be a crime, especially with how crazy the world's getting now. And you deserve to be out there using them, getting a chance to shine with the big leagues. I mean, Fury thinks you're an equal match for Captain America, for god's sake. You don't need an old archer with a bad knee slowing you down."

She avoided his eyes, rubbing her thumb over the jewelry box. "I don't know what I'm going to do with all that extra time," she said at last. "Not having to save your ass constantly."

A relieved grin crept across his face. "Oh, I'm sure Captain Rogers will find plenty of ways to keep you occupied."

She glared at him. "Funny."

"Hey, you two were pretty sympatico in New York. This could be a match made in heaven."

He seemed to be expecting her to smack him for that, but instead she gave him an odd look. "You were watching me that much during the battle?"

"Well yeah." He looked surprised at the question. "You know I'm always watching your six, no matter what."

Natasha's lips curved then in her familiar half-smile and she gave a slight nod. "All right, you gonna help me put this thing on or what?"

"My pleasure."

She turned, holding her hair out of the way so he could help fasten the necklace's clasp behind her neck, then straightened again, adjusting it into a comfortable position. "It's a good length," she said, fingering the silver arrow that came to rest at the base of her throat. "Laura help pick it out?"

"She gave final approval, but the kids helped too. The length was actually Cooper's instinct. Less likely to get caught and choke you in a fight."

Now her eyes brightened, genuinely touched. "He did listen to my lessons."

"Oh yeah, the kids listen to you better than they do me."

"Well, if they get out of hand while I'm gone, just give me a call. I'll back you up."

Clint squeezed her shoulder, eyes going sincere again. "Same for you. Anything happens, you need anything, don't hesitate. I'll be there."

"I know," she smiled. She lifted the pendant, curiously. "So, what does Laura's arrow look like?"

The color went out of his face a bit. "I never got her one…"

Natasha's face went stern. "You gave me an arrow before your wife?!"

"It was supposed to be a thing for the kids, but then—" he gestured to her as Laura tried not to laugh down the hall.

"Well that's your first project while I'm gone, you understand?"

"Yeah." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'll do that."

"Hey," Natasha said, softer. "And thank you."

He smiled back. "You're welcome, Nat."

"Did she like it?"

Laura jumped as Lila's voice yelled down the hall. Laura turned to see the kids peering out of Cooper's doorway behind her, revealing all of their hiding spots.

Fortunately, Natasha looked more amused than angry at being watched.

"I think she did," Clint called back, patiently.

"Did you tell her I picked it out?" Cooper yelled.

"I heard," Natasha said, standing up. "Now come give me a hug so I can thank you both."

As Natasha knelt to gather the kids, Laura met Clint's eyes over their heads. He mimed wiping relieved sweat off his brow and she smiled. In spite of it all, they had weathered the storm and survived with remarkably little damage.

OOO

Natasha stayed another week, taking advantage of her approved time off, before figuring she had better get back to S.H.I.E.L.D. and start getting her new affairs sorted out.

"Please, take more of these leftovers with you," Laura said as Clint helped Natasha bring her bags down the stairs. "They'll just go to waste here."

"I already have a whole cooler of just food," Natasha laughed. "I'm supposed to get back to my work regimen and diet when I'm on the job again."

"Forgive me, Italian mom complex here." Laura threw on an exaggerated accent. "You're so skinny! You should eat more!"

"You sure you've got everything you need?" Clint joined in. "Enough ammo clips? Plenty of fuel in the quinjet?"

"Yes, dad," Natasha said, rolling her eyes.

"Mock if you must, but at least let me feel like I've looked out for my partner one more time."

"I can't forget you're watching out for me, remember?" She held up the arrow hanging at her throat. "You do realize this thing is only going to add fuel to the rumor we're a couple?"

"Hey, that rumor's served us well over the years."

It had, Laura mused. Everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. who assumed something was going on between the two of them didn't press further and risk discovering Clint's hidden family. It could have been an issue if Natasha had really wanted to date someone, but so far that hadn't come up.

"Wonder what they'll say now that I'm working with Rogers?"

"I can't believe you're gonna work with Captain America!" Cooper raved. "He's like a real superhero!"

"Well, somebody's got to break him in, superpowers or not," Natasha shrugged.

"Hey," Clint said seriously. "I know you can handle yourself with anyone, but Rogers is an old-fashioned guy. If he treats you bad because you're a woman, don't hesitate to teach him respect just 'cause he's Captain America. If I hear he's not taking care of my partner, I might see how that supersoldier serum holds up against an arrow to the knee."

Natasha rolled her eyes, looking pointedly at Lila. "You see this? This is what he's gonna be like when you start dating."

"He's just scared you'll like Cap more than him," Cooper commented distractedly.

From the mouths of babes. Laura glanced at Clint to see the stiffness he tried to hide beneath a nonchalant attitude.

"Are you kidding?" Natasha snorted. "No way a seventy-year-old soldier's going to be as much fun as your dad."

Clint relaxed slightly, putting a joking tone in his voice. "Yeah, guess you'll have to start breaking some of our old partner habits, huh? I'm betting Cap won't be as cool about you borrowing his clothes and stuff."

"Probably true. That's why I swiped some of yours while packing."

His grin faded slightly. "Wait. Which-?"

Laura shook her head, stepping up between them to talk to Natasha. "You have our number. Don't hesitate to call, even if it's just to say hi. Your room is here for you any time. And I know you're going to be busy with your thrilling Avenger life, but you better still come see us for holidays or dinner."

"Yes, ma'am," Natasha smiled.

"And my birthday!" Lila piped up.

"Mine too!" Cooper added.

"I'll do my best," she promised. She straightened, taking a deep breath. "All right, I hate drawing these things out, so I'm just gonna get on with it, okay?"

The kids hugged her goodbye with requests for Cap's autograph and pictures.

Laura gave her a warm hug, trying to put all of her gratitude into the gesture. "Thank you, for so many things. Don't be a stranger."

"I won't. And make sure Clint gets you that arrow."

Laura laughed, fingering her wedding ring as she pulled back. "Oh, I think he's given me enough symbolic jewelry already."

"Fair point. Make him do it anyway."

She turned to Clint to find him holding the door and her bag. "Walk you to your car?"

Once the door closed, the kids headed back upstairs to play. Laura glanced out the window as Clint and Natasha walked to the quinjet. They paused outside the ship, talking quietly. Whatever words the two partners had for each other were for their ears only.

Finally, Clint pulled her in for a hug and they stood, holding onto each other, for a long moment. At length, Natasha pulled gently away, picking up her bag and heading into the quinjet.

Clint stood back as she took off, but stayed there, watching her flying solo, until the ship was out of sight.

Laura stepped out onto the porch, leaning on the railing as Clint walked back up.

He sniffled once, cleared his throat, then put on a smile, taking her hand. "Well. Shall we?"

Laura hugged his arm against her side and walked beside her husband back into their new normal life.


	4. Winter Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my "final pass" edit where I was frustrated with how this chapter was ending resulted in me adding an entire new, elaborate scene onto the end of this chapter and it's turned out to be the longest one yet. But I think it made it better. (It was definitely fun to write!)
> 
> So, without further ado, the aftereffects of The Winter Soldier.

When S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, Clint and Laura were glued to the news, stunned and horrified. She had held his arm, feeling his muscles go rigid as he watched his former place of business collapse into wreckage by the Potomac, not just one, but three helicarriers crashing down beside it. No one in the media had remotely enough answers to the questions she knew blazed in both of their minds.

Laura had watched as Clint paced helplessly, repeatedly calling and texting the same numbers on his private phone over and over, but to no response. She knew with certainty which one was upsetting him most.

"I told her to call," he vented after another hour of continued silence. "If she was ever in trouble, she knew she could call me."

Laura had few words of reassurance for him. If she was unable to get to a phone, did that mean she was in hiding, engaged in the fight, held prisoner, or already injured or dead? There was no good explanation for it that would give him any peace until he could see or hear her for himself.

It didn't help that no one from S.H.I.E.L.D. was answering him, through private or public lines. Despite his years working for them, Clint was completely cut off, having to learn about the attack and the fate of his friends through the news like a civilian.

Into this tempest of fear and frustration had come the revelation of HYDRA's infiltration. She had seen the betrayal, the pure fury in his eyes as it was reported that they had all been played for fools, HYDRA poisoning the good work they had tried to do for decades. And Laura knew he now also had to wonder who among the people he thought were friends had just shot them all in the back.

But the television and internet just kept regurgitating the same unsatisfying factoids as no one had anything new yet to add. The same images replayed over and over. The reporters swarmed, the pundits yelled, the public panicked, and the Triskelion burned.

And still they heard nothing.

Laura had had to stop Clint from going to DC personally, to help, to avenge, or just to physically dig through the mess until he found the people he cared about. She knew he meant well, but they still didn't know what he would be walking into. It wasn't entirely clear which side had won, given the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s command center. The media were still trying to figure out death tolls and hospitalizations, though the numbers were surprisingly low for the extent of the destruction. Detainments were being made of all survivors the military and police could get their hands on in an "arrest now, sort it out later" type of damage control. If he arrived on scene, who was to say the overworked officers would even recognize him as a retired Avenger, or that that meant anything anymore if HYDRA could be everywhere?

What did make him pause was when they heard the news that, amidst the chaos, all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files had been dumped anonymously onto the internet. Decades of classified intel at all levels of restriction were laid bare for the world to see, the new biggest intelligence leak in US history.

Laura's blood had run cold then as Clint put down his quiver and hurried to the computer. Fury had promised their home was secret, but what level of secret had he considered safe enough? Even if somehow his home address escaped note, Clint's role in S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers was completely on record, and now visible to anyone who took an interest.

As Clint scoured the internet to see how bad the damage ran, Laura went upstairs to reassure the kids, who didn't know what was going on, but knew it was bad. And as she held them, she thanked every force in the heavens that Clint had taken the semi-retirement when he did, and prayed for those still in the field, cut off and betrayed.

When the kids seemed more at ease, Laura headed back downstairs to see Clint on his way up, looking slightly puzzled.

"We're safe."

"What?"

"Nick kept his word. There's nothing about you, the kids, or the farm in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files."

Laura sagged slightly in relief. One less fear on her mind. "Thank god."

"Yeah." He still sounded distracted. "What's weird is my file's gone."

"Your file?"

"I searched everything dumped and there's mention of an agent codenamed 'Hawkeye' in the Avengers stuff and a few mission records, but my personnel file is gone. No personal information got out."

Laura almost wanted to cry at that bit of good fortune. Someone seemed to be watching over their little family. "Maybe not all the files actually got leaked. Did you see anyone else's held back?"

"I didn't look too deep. I was just checking on our own."

She heard the solemn tone in his voice and her hand clenched the railing. "Nat?"

"Everything," he said grimly, eyes dark. "Her entire file, everything she ever did before and with S.H.I.E.L.D.. Every alias, all her safehouses and contacts, it's out there. Even—" He swallowed. "Even if she made it, she's completely exposed."

Laura reached out to put her hand on his and he pulled her into a tight hug, holding her with the ferocity of fear he didn't want to give into yet. They both knew the danger when a spy's cover was blown. With Natasha's record, she would be wanted by the KGB, the Brazilian government, many criminal organizations across the globe, even branches of America's own government as her past crimes came to light. Without S.H.I.E.L.D.'s protection, she was out in the cold, and possibly even at risk of being accused of collaboration with HYDRA.

They both jumped, Laura gasping, as Clint's phone buzzed. He pulled back, scrambling to get it out of his pocket, both barely daring to breathe.

"Unknown number," he said, looking at the screen.

As he read the text, she saw the tension melt off of him, a bow strung but no longer drawn. "Is it her?" she asked softly.

"Yeah." He turned the phone for her to read with a slight smile. "At least for the moment, she's okay."

A simple text message read: "Checking in from the mess in DC. Grandpa's in the hospital, but doing okay. Got some paperwork to take care of, but looking forward to family dinner soon. – Auntie"

OOO

Clean up and damage control wound up taking another few weeks. During that time, response to the exposure of HYDRA and the information leak had had time to fester into a righteous anger that the American pundits, government, and scared populace were eager to unleash on someone.

Somehow, with Fury gone, Pierce executed, and most of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s upper ranks in tatters, Natasha had become a spokesman for what remained of the agency, in addition to answering for her own role in it.

Laura and Clint had watched the televised proceedings with interest, partly for how the decisions made there would affect his community, partly for their first glimpse of Natasha since before the collapse. She looked surprisingly good, Laura thought, the chaos of the last few weeks not showing in her face or demeanor. Wherever she was staying, she had access to a good wardrobe, makeup, and hair straighteners, so she must not have been too badly on the run or imprisoned.

Once assured that Natasha was well, Laura found it interesting to watch the proceedings. She had barely ever seen Natasha "at work" and the perfectly collected, professional woman addressing the Congressional committee held little resemblance to the mischievous woman Laura had seen chasing her kids through the house on numerous occasions.

"Why haven't we yet heard from Captain Rogers?" one of the committee members asked.

"I don't know what's left for him to say," Natasha commented neutrally, but with just an edge of her familiar sarcasm in her voice. "I think the wreck in the middle of the Potomac made his point fairly eloquently."

Laura couldn't help but smile. Despite how precarious the situation was, Natasha wasn't going to show any sign of fear or intimidation in the face of governmental appraisal.

"Is Auntie Nat on TV?" Lila asked as the kids followed her voice into the room.

"Yep. She's fighting some big, mean politicians," Clint answered dryly.

"Cool." Cooper hopped onto the couch beside Laura as Lila climbed into her lap.

One of the military members of the panel was leaning forward, addressing Natasha firmly. "Agent, you should know that there are some on this committee that feel, given your service record, both for this country and against it, that you belong in a penitentiary, not mouthing off on Capitol Hill."

Laura winced a bit.

"Yeah, I'll bet same goes for you, buddy," Clint muttered under his breath.

Natasha hesitated and Laura thought she was genuinely considering the outcomes that could result depending on how she responded. With the unblinking eyes of the media absorbing and preparing to analyze every microexpression of her face, the futures of herself and Captain Rogers could depend on what words she chose next.

But then her expression hardened with unwavering resolve. "You're not going to put me in a prison. You're not going to put any of us in a prison. You know why?"

The committee seemed just as surprised at her sudden brazenness as Laura was. "Do enlighten us," the military officer said sardonically.

"Because you need us. Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we help make it that way, but we're also the ones best qualified to defend it. So if you want to arrest me, arrest me," she challenged, never breaking eye contact. "You'll know where to find me."

The committee members stared at her, but none seemed able to muster any reply.

Without waiting for official dismissal, Natasha stood from her chair and walked out through the swarm of reporters, as stone-faced as Laura had ever seen her. In that moment, Laura deeply understood why the Black Widow could make governments tremble and world leaders curse her name.

The proud smirk on Clint's face made her wonder how many times he had seen her take control of a room that way and put the fear of god into overconfident brass. She wished she could see footage of their missions. If this was any indication, they were quite a sight when in action.

"Well, that was certainly an unexpected turn of events," the news anchor's voice commented as the channel cut back to the studio. "For anyone just turning in, that was S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Natasha Romanoff walking out of a hearing with the Congressional committee assigned to investigate the recent destruction of one of America's largest intelligence agencies. Agent Romanoff, also known as the Black Widow, was one of the highest ranking agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and was personally responsible for the release of classified files to the public. The questionable service referred to is Romanoff's previous allegiance to the Soviet Union. As the declassified files reveal, Romanoff was formerly a Soviet assassin, responsible for the deaths of—"

The TV turned off abruptly. Laura looked over to see Clint holding the remote, his eyes dark and muscles tense. "That's about enough of that."

"What were they talking about?" Cooper asked, confusion colored with worry. "Did they say Aunt Nat killed someone?"

Laura watched Clint silently. They had agreed when the day came, he would field any questions about Natasha until she had a chance to do so herself.

Clint set the remote down, making his voice casual even if his body language remained rigid and carefully restraining his anger. "It's a long story. When your Aunt Nat was younger, the people who raised her forced her to do some bad things. Things she still feels bad about to this day. But none of it was her choice, not that anybody in the news cares to look at what she was put through back then."

"Jerks," Lila muttered.

The corner of Clint's mouth quirked up. "That's my girl." He consciously relaxed, putting a bigger smile on his face. "Look, how about we get some ice cream and get that bad taste out of our mouths?"

Lila cheered excitedly for that, dragging Laura off the couch to get ready. Cooper followed, but she could see he was still troubled. Laura worried about that, but Clint didn't seem ready to continue that conversation yet, so she decided to leave it alone until she knew how much her husband and near-sister were prepared for the kids to know.

OOO

Laura was sitting on the porch reading the paper as Clint put new screens on the window when they both heard the distant roar of a motor growing closer. She looked up, seeing Clint freeze and knew why. They knew the sound of the mail truck and any neighbors would call before just showing up. This was very clearly a motorcycle engine.

Laura moved toward the door, at once grateful and scared that the kids were at school and far from there. Clint had already scooped up his bow and quiver, coming over to position himself in front of her. Carefully she assumed one of the sparring stances Natasha had taught her.

The motorcycle came into view around the grove of trees beside the road up to the house, kicking up a cloud of dust behind it. Despite the haze, Laura could see one small, helmeted rider and no backup. Could it be…?

The bike pulled up to the house, parking casually and putting down the kickstand. When she reached up to take her helmet off, though, it revealed black hair and an unfamiliar face.

Clint had his bow drawn and up in an instant. The woman flinched back, hands up.

"Whoa! Clint, it's me!" Keeping one hand up, the woman peeled off her face with the other, at last revealing very welcome features.

"Nat," Clint breathed, immediately lowering the bow as the tension flowed out of his body. "Jesus, don't scare us like that."

"Sorry. I couldn't call ahead in case I'm still being tapped and I had to travel incognito." She nodded at the bow. "Glad to see your reaction time hasn't slipped too badly."

"Still the best shot in the boonies," he smirked coming over to hug her warmly. "It's about time you showed up."

"You know how it is, chaos at the office." Her voice stayed light too, the familiar banter as reassuring as the hug. "Lots of changes lately," she added, embracing Laura.

"I'll say," Clint commented, admiring the motorcycle. "When did you get this baby?"

"About six hours ago two states over. Which reminds me, I need to give its owner a place to come pick it up in a day or so."

"Shame. It's nice."

"Well I'm more concerned about where you got that face!" Laura exclaimed, gesturing to the clear, now-blank mask.

"Oh, spy tech's gotten a lot better since I started," Natasha said, holding it up calmly. "Last bit of S.H.I.E.L.D. tech I held onto."

The friendly ease ended at the reminder of their circumstances.

"You okay?" Clint asked softly.

"Got out better than most." She shrugged, though Laura saw her left shoulder jerked a bit stiffly.

"Guess so. Come on in," Clint jerked his head toward the house. "Tell us all about it."

Laura thought she saw something flicker through Natasha's eyes, one of those ghosts of expression that told her something else was going on beneath her current demeanor, but it was hidden again faster than Laura could identify it.

"Thanks," Natasha said, giving no sign of whatever she was thinking. "Mind if I stash the bike in the barn? Last thing we need is police seeing a 'borrowed' vehicle on your property."

"No prob. Just don't scratch my pretty tractor."

She snorted, walking the bike off to the side of the house. As she left, Laura noted the handgun tucked into her waistband at the small of her back and remembered the risk she had been in lately.

Clint and Laura headed in so he could put away his bow. Laura got a few beers out of the fridge, popping the tops off with the bottle opener.

A moment later, Natasha came back in, travel bag slung over her right shoulder. "Okay, I'll give you credit, the tractor actually does have a few areas you haven't scratched up yourself."

"See?"

"So I don't get to meet Captain America this visit?" Laura asked, slightly disappointed.

"Figured this place wasn't my secret to share. Besides, Steve's got a mission of his own now."

"'Steve'?" Clint asked, eyebrows rising.

She met his gaze evenly, inviting commentary. "Jealous, Barton?"

"No, just… It was over a year before you called me by first name," he pouted.

"She's been partnered with him for almost two years," Laura supplied as she handed him his beer.

"Really?" He frowned. "That can't be right."

"Good to know time flies without me here," she quipped, reaching for the bottle Laura passed her. This time Laura very distinctly saw the catch of damaged muscle and ligament in her movement.

Clint caught it too. "Hey, what happened?"

Natasha tried to shrug it off, sipping her beer as she set down her bag. "Oh, just got another piercing. No big deal."

Laura winced, know a 'piercing' in Clint and Natasha's work parlance meant a through-and-through gunshot wound. Given how bad her last one had been… "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's mostly healed now." Natasha rolled her eyes slightly as Clint approached, but shifted the collar of her shirt so he could see for himself. Laura saw the familiar red, puckered circle below her collarbone and was grateful this one at least looked less severe than the one in her stomach.

"Anyone we know?" Clint asked, expression dark with protective vengeance and the guilt of not having been there.

Natasha took a deep breath, swirling her beer in a rare tell of nerves. "Believe it or not, the same artist as my last one."

Clint froze, drawing back slowly in shock to look at her. Laura felt the same chill. "The Winter Soldier?"

"Not a ghost, though closer than we thought."

"He's HYDRA?" Clint asked, eyes intense. "Did you get him? Is he in custody? Tell me I get to shoot him."

"Easy, manhunter," Natasha soothed drily. "It's okay."

"Hell it is. Bastard shot you twice! I figure we're both owed a piece of him."

"Clint," she said evenly, "the 'bastard' is James 'Bucky' Barnes. As in Cap's best friend from the Howling Commandos."

That threw him, his mouth shutting in confusion. Laura tracked her memory back to the exhibit at the Smithsonian they had taken the kids to the previous year. She vaguely remembered a boyish soldier, his face etched on glass like a phantom as if to emphasize his listing as killed in action, younger even than Natasha was now at his documented time of death.

"Apparently he was captured, not killed," Natasha explained. "Tortured and brainwashed by HYDRA, maybe the KGB too, for 70 years. Sent on assassination missions the rare times they stopped, frozen in between. Makes sense why we couldn't get a trail on him."

Clint huffed grumpily. "Well, Cap's ex from the old days or not, guy's still a threat."

"Less without HYDRA pulling his strings," Natasha sipped her beer. "He bothered to save Steve in the Potomac before going into the wind. He's a loose cannon, definitely, but not my biggest concern right now. I'll leave it to Steve and Sam."

"Sam?" Laura asked.

"Falcon. The guy with the wings?" Natasha started to mime them, but opted not to strain her shoulder.

"You're really not itching to make him pay?" Clint asked, frowning.

"If he's still a threat off HYDRA's leash, then we'll take him down." She met Clint's eyes significantly. "But I tend to be more forgiving about things done while brainwashed."

Clint looked away, jaw clenching. Even two years later, she knew Loki's possession still haunted him. More than that, she suspected his mind was travelling back to the deadly young Soviet assassin he had seen something good in. It was a tribute to both of them that Natasha could now turn around and extend that mercy to someone who had hurt her repeatedly, if not knowingly. If Natasha could see the lost American soldier in the ghost, Clint would follow her choice.

"Nat?" Laura said, inserting her voice into the brittle silence. "You've gotta be hungry from travelling. Do you want to go out for dinner in town tonight? We can get a sitter."

She relaxed a bit, giving Laura a tired smile. "Actually, if it's not a problem, I'd rather just have a meal home with everyone, no masks or media or looking over my shoulder. I can cook and everything, I just…could use a little familiar right now."

Laura smiled back. "Home works just fine."

"Yeah, sounds like we've got plenty to catch up on." Clint gestured to her with his beer as he headed toward the kitchen.

Natasha wrinkled her nose. "I think I've already talked more about the last few weeks than I ever want to again."

"Hey, who said it was all about you?" Clint teased, mock offended. "You think interesting things don't happen out here just because we're on a farm? Cooper got stuck on the roof of the barn last month."

"Really?" A genuine grin brightened Natasha's face.

"Oh yeah, but I should probably let him tell that one. I invented a boomerang arrow."

"A boomerang arrow?" she said dubiously.

"Hey, don't mock the boomerang arrow. It's cool. Oh, and the weather's been bizarre this year. I'm thinking its aliens again, but anyway. So, the snow was gone by, what…?" He looked to Laura.

"End of February, easy."

"Right, bizarre. So that was great, but it's been wild the rest of the year. Drought, fire last month—"

"And then that freak storm last week," Laura added, leaning against a chair back.

"Right. Hail, huh—?"

Laura barely processed the sound of Natasha's beer hitting the ground as the other woman jerked back, the gun from her waistband suddenly up and pointed straight at Clint. Terror flooded her, freezing her body in place, too stunned to even think of a reaction beyond shock.

"Nat, what the hell?" Clint snapped, baffled. He had his hands out so she could see all he held was his own beer bottle.

"What did you say?" she demanded. Her voice shook slightly, drawing Laura out of her paralysis enough to look closer and realize Natasha was staring at Clint in absolute horror and what looked like denial. Her hands, usually steady as a rock on any weapon, trembled more than her voice had.

"I don't know. I was rambling about the weather." Clint had noticed her bizarre demeanor too and spoke softer. "Nat, what—"

"What did you say, exactly?" she pressed.

"I don't remember. Uh, something about the hail?"

Natasha's hand flinched slightly on the gun and Laura's heart nearly stopped.

"It was an ice storm," she explained quickly, desperate to defuse whatever was happening. She tried to remember the right Russian words. "Um, liven'...l'ot. Chunks of ice the size of golf balls in the middle of April."

Natasha glanced between them, lowering the gun just a hair. Her breathing was slightly fast, her eyes shimmering a bit with moisture. "You weren't saying 'Hail HYDRA'?"

"Why the hell would I say that?!" Clint exclaimed, almost angry.

Natasha sagged, all the tension draining from her as she sank into a chair, the gun now hanging loosely in her hand. "Slava Bogu."

Understanding hit Laura like the ice she had just mentioned. "Honey, you were worried we were sleeper agents too?"

"It could have been anyone," Natasha said, voice exhausted as she set down the gun to rest her head in her still-shaky hands. "They fooled all of us. They fooled Nick, got into all levels of S.H.I.E.L.D. I was raised for espionage and infiltration and I didn't even see it. If I was that wrong…" She swallowed. "Soviet agents have been assigned to live as families for cover before. It was possible…"

The defeat in her voice made Laura's heart ache. Since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., Natasha had been poised, professional, carrying on and cleaning up the mess and being steady and unflappable to any who questioned her. She probably hadn't had an opportunity to just stop and let herself grieve the betrayal and loss she had suffered. With Clint home, she had had no one, not even Captain America, that she was close enough to to let herself break down and truly feel the effects of the last few weeks.

Clint knelt in front of her, cautious but resting a hand on her knee. "Nat, I swear to you, I'm not HYDRA. I'm not anything but me. I don't know what could prove it, but everything we've had, everything here has been real. I promise."

"Same here," Laura added, perching on the edge of the couch beside her. "We've never lied to you about anything here."

Natasha lowered one hand to catch Clint's, squeezing gratefully. When she looked up, her eyes were still reddened with tears not yet shed and more vulnerable than even Laura was used to seeing from her. "I know. Thank you."

She started pulling herself together, though her voice was still a bit rough. She sniffed slightly, looking down at her hands. "Sorry about that. It's been a bad month."

Clint gathered her against his chest, hugging hard with residual fear that hadn't gotten to release until he saw her safe and well. "Don't apologize. I should have been there."

"No." She pulled back slightly, sounding steadier. "I'm glad I knew you were safe, out of the field."

"So safe I even escaped the fallout of the intelligence dump," he said, trying to cheer her up.

"Yeah," Natasha said, rubbing her eyes clear. "I made sure of that, at least."

Clint's hands tightened on her arms, staring at her sharply. "You erased my files?"

"Not the Hawkeye references, but everything with your real name and identification, yes."

Laura was speechless, Clint only slightly better off.

"They why the hell didn't you delete yours too?!" he demanded.

"There wasn't time. For all I know, Pierce saw me doing the little bit of editing I did, not that it matters now. Besides, I was too visible in the battle. It would be too conspicuous if the files about the agent who dumped the files were gone. And it wouldn't be fair to Steve or Hill." She shrugged. "We all go down together."

"Except me," Clint pointed out.

"You have a family to protect," Natasha pointed out. "We don't."

"Yes you do, and you did," Laura said, wrapping her arms around Natasha's shoulders.

Natasha squirmed a bit uncomfortably under the affection. "All right, it wasn't that big a deal."

"Nat, your covers are all blown." Clint was still worked up, as if trying to get through to her what she had done. "Everything's public. You don't even have safehouses left!"

Natasha snorted, giving him a withering look that was much more herself. "Please, that's not all my safehouses. You don't even know all my safehouses. You never put everything on record."

Clint relented a bit, sitting back. "Of course you have backup plans."

"There was always a chance things with S.H.I.E.L.D. would go south. A change in leadership, a new war with Russia, piss off the wrong person." She shrugged again. "I have a lot of rebuilding to do, but I'm not without resources." She smirked. "I am the Black goddamn Widow."

Clint huffed a laugh. "Well, I can't argue with that."

"Well, you're home now," Laura said firmly, "so how about letting the Widow take a break while Natasha has dinner with the family?"

A sincere, slightly tired smile quirked Natasha's lips. "I'm game for that. Mind if I shower and change first? I've been on that bike all day."

"No problem." Laura gestured around them. "You know where everything is."

Natasha got up and started up the stairs, but paused a few steps up. "Oh, one other thing you should know. Nick's not dead."

Laura could about see Clint's heart leap. He desperately needed some good news. "Really?"

"He faked his death for the public eye, but he's actually chasing HYDRA bases in Europe."

"How many of us are in the know?" he asked.

"You, me, Steve, Sam Wilson, Hill, maybe a few others. Just wanted you to know." She got a bitter shadow in her eyes again, despite keeping her expression casual. "I was left out of the loop initially, so didn't want you to have to go through that too."

As Natasha disappeared up to her room, Laura let out a heavy sigh. "Should've figured who our guardian angel was."

Clint reached down to pick up Natasha's gun, thumbing the safety back on. His jaw was tight. "I still wish I could've shot a few of them. Remind me to send Cap a Thank You card. If she'd been alone or in the field when this went down…"

Laura looked at the gun. "I don't think I've ever seen her scared like that."

Clint frowned, tucking the gun into his own waistband. "She's playing it off now, but this had to hit her hard. She doesn't trust easily. To find out you've been lied to this long after giving up everything to try to be with the 'good guys'?" He tapped his knuckles on the arm of the chair irritably. "Nick left her out of the loop?"

Laura remembered the terror in Natasha's eyes at the thought Clint had deceived her. The pain. She had lost one home already this month, realized her relationships with the people there weren't as secure as she'd thought. Laura determined to make sure this one remained rock solid for her.

By the time Natasha had cleaned up, the ghosts of her breakdown were hidden firmly away again behind her casual, teasing attitude. Clint fired up the grill outside, getting an amused head shake from her by using one of his pyro arrows. While he got hamburgers and hotdogs going, Natasha and Laura threw together sides, chatting amiably about the kids' antics and new projects they were working on around the farm. Over the chatter and normalcy, Laura saw Natasha's good mood become more genuine rather than feeling put on for company.

When the kids got home from school, they brought with them a whirlwind of excitement and joy at Natasha's surprise visit and how different her hair looked and could Lila dye her hair too and what was Captain America like and did she get to use his shield until finally the food was ready and the questions died down.

As they enjoyed a proper family meal in the coziness of the dining room where they had shared so many such meals over the years, Laura soaked in the sense of peace and familiarity. She could still see occasional glimpses of the shadows in Natasha's eyes, but at least for tonight, they could pretend all wasn't going to hell in the rest of the world.

Laura had questioned many times what she was doing out here, hiding in the countryside while her loved ones risked their lives and people less fortunate struggled and suffered. But looking at her healthy family, happy children who hadn't had to experience the world's darker side yet, her husband animatedly telling an elaborate story from his childhood in the circus, and a woman who had survived nightmares darker than Laura could imagine playing with her daughter's hair while listening with fond amusement, Laura couldn't help but feel like maybe she was doing something right.

And if any one of those threats tried to destroy their little sphere of peace, she would show them every trick those dangerous people she loved had taught her.

OOO

In the winter, the blizzards of their area could choke the roadways and bury their property until they were housebound. In summer, the humidity and bugs could make being outdoors nearly intolerable. But on days like this, squarely in the middle of spring, the weather was absolutely perfect.

Laura sat out on the porch, playing with her watercolors to capture some of the wildflowers on the fields, as Natasha and Lila danced in the driveway. Lila had started ballet the autumn before and was excited to show Natasha her progress.

"And then we go like this," Lila said as she straightened and extended her leg in the air. Her supporting leg shook and she wobbled, but the look on her face was pure pride and concentration.

Natasha stabilized her as she started to slip, helping angle her leg slightly higher. "Hang on, hold that position. What's next?"

"Then," Lila said, voice slightly strained, "we pull in and twirl around…" She did so, only staggering a little as she shifted position. Finishing her spin with a slow flourish of her arms, then lowering back onto both feet, relaxing. "And then I don't remember what's next."

"Was it something like this?" Natasha shifted so she was en pointe, arcing her leg, spinning, and bending into a short series of pliés and pirouettes. It never failed to amaze Laura that Natasha could break out what were probably flawless ballet moves on a moment's notice.

"Yeah!" Lila exclaimed, clapping excitedly. "That was awesome!"

Natasha relaxed back into her usual stance. "It's a useful move too."

"It is?"

"Mm-hm, and not just for the muscle strength you build doing ballet or Tai Chi. If someone was messing with you, you could turn that twirl into a spin kick, grab their arm or neck, and when you bend like that, drag them off their feet and flip them. If you catch their arm right, you can break their elbow on the way down too."

"Really?" Lila's eyes were huge.

"Really. Here, say I'm trying to grab you. Do it again, but faster."

They repeated the move with Lila grabbing Natasha's wrist. Natasha let Lila pull her forward, tumbling to the grass. Laura didn't even flinch, long accustomed to lessons like these.

"Wow!"

"See?" Natasha propped herself on her elbow on the ground. "And nobody would expect a little girl to know these moves, so use that to your advantage."

"Right."

"Now, once I'm down, you'd better have a follow-up move. 'Cause if you don't pin me, I can come up and do this."

Natasha twisted on the ground, lightly kicking Lila's ankle to put her off-balance as she sprang up, slid behind Lila, and lightly put her arms around Lila's neck and head.

If Laura hadn't been watching, she would have thought Lila had hit her back, but the girl hadn't even reacted before It happened. Natasha suddenly threw herself back away from Lila with a gasp unlike any sound she'd made before.

"Auntie Nat?" Lila turned, confused.

Laura dropped her brush, not caring that she knocked over her water container, as Natasha scrambled backward, her knees pulling up to her chest, one arm around them, the other covering her face.

"Aunt Nat! Mom!" Lila yelled, but Laura was already sprinting across the lawn. "I think I hurt her," she said as Laura arrived.

"No, you didn't, honey. Go inside and help your dad get some iced tea for us all, okay? It's okay."

"What happened?"

"I'll explain later. Just help Daddy."

Lila looked reluctantly back at Natasha, but started running to the house.

Laura knelt slowly in front of Natasha, being careful not to touch her. There was no telling how she might react in this state. Up close, Laura could see her shaking again, but this time cold sweat shone on her skin in the previously-warm sunlight. Her breathing was coming in gasps, but it sounded like it wasn't full-on hyperventilation. Laura couldn't see her face, but she suspected she wouldn't be aware of the world even if her eyes were open.

She should have expected something like this after everything over the last few weeks, but it still caught her off-guard, making her sick to her stomach. She pushed that aside, though, relaxing so her own anxiety didn't make things worse.

"Nat?" Laura said gently. "It's Laura. You're okay. You're home in America. It's 2014. We're just playing in the yard." She decided not to mention Lila in case that made it worse. "Feel the grass on your feet? How itchy it is? Can you grab some of the grass for me? Just feel it?"

For a moment, she thought it wasn't working and her words weren't getting through to Natasha's mind, but then she saw her free hand, clenched into a fist by her side, start twitching. Slowly, almost spasmodically, her fingers unfolded partway, catching rough blades of grass as they tightened once more.

Good.

"Can you smell the fresh spring air?" Laura took a deep, slow breath, releasing it in a gentle gust. "Just breathe with me, Nat. You're safe. Safe at home."

She murmured soothing phrases like that for a few more moments before she heard Natasha's breathing begin to level out, her muscles relaxing a bit. Laura stopped talking, letting her focus shift to the grass as Natasha started lifting her head cautiously. She didn't want to stare and embarrass her friend further.

"Hey," Laura said softly, looking up out of the corner of her eyes. "You okay?"

Natasha looked pale and shaky, her eyes still hollow, but focused on reality once more. "Yeah," she muttered, voice hoarser than usual. "Sorry."

"Don't. Everything's okay. You did nothing wrong."

Fear lit somewhere deep in Natasha's eyes. "Lila?"

"She's fine," Laura assured. "Just scared for you. She'll feel better when she sees you're all right."

Natasha gave a bitter choking sound that might have been a laugh, scrubbing a hand over her face.

Laura let the commentary about how 'all right' she was pass. "Lila's bringing iced tea out in a bit," she said casually, stretching out her legs and leaning back, braced by her arms, trying not to let her worry show. "Rehydrating should help you feel better too."

Natasha exhaled deeply, starting to look more herself again. "Sorry. Breaking down like this isn't a usual habit for me."

"I know." It troubled her too.

"How'd you know what to do?"

"A friend of mine in college used to get panic attacks. This was a little different though, huh?"

"Yeah." Natasha looked down, legs still held close to her chest. Laura noticed she was still gripping a handful of grass. "Flashback."

Laura thought of the nightmares that jerked Clint awake in the still of the night, his hand flying for his bow, eyes wild. And she thought of Natasha's drastic reaction to mishearing Clint earlier. Given the lives she and Clint had lived, Laura was surprised that she didn't see them in this state more often.

"I'm sorry. Anything trigger it that I can fix?"

Natasha shifted uncomfortably, looking at her fingers curled tightly in the grass. "No. No, it's…" She seemed to brace herself. "You've seen my file by now."

"I haven't read it."

Natasha frowned at her, puzzled. "It's been all over the internet. The news has been dissecting it for weeks."

"I know," Laura said calmly, but seriously. "But I don't care. Who you were before S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't who you are now."

Natasha's jaw clenched, looking down again. "Maybe. But it still…affects me. The committee hearing and the few news interviews that have been televised are the only times I've spoken publicly about what happened in D.C. But I have been questioned more times than I've responded to recently. And since my file is now public, for the last few weeks reporters have been shouting parts of my past at me everywhere I go. So things are…fresher lately than they have been for years."

Laura's heart tightened. Well, no wonder she was having anxiety reactions.

"You can probably assume most of my work history," Natasha continued. "But what just happened now…is older. Back to my training." She inhaled. "I wasn't the only subject of the Red Room program. I'm just the only survivor."

Laura barely dared breathe. In all the years she had known Natasha, they had rarely talked about her childhood. The scant comments now and then alluded to a harsh, violent training program, but she had never given more detail and Clint didn't feel it was his right to share what he knew. For Natasha to volunteer detail on the depths of her past when she was already feeling this vulnerable was a profound gesture of trust.

"There were twenty-eight of us when I started. Some of the girls didn't make it through training," Natasha continued, face blank. "Our handlers didn't pull any punches and those who couldn't withstand it…broke. A few were accidents, just random bad luck during live ammunition training or bad reactions to the medical enhancements. But sometimes, when they wanted to eliminate a weaker candidate while making a point or have one of us prove our…commitment…"

Cold understanding washed through Laura as she remembered how quickly Natasha had reacted as soon as her arms went around Lila's neck. Her heart tore between terror, grief, and relief at Natasha's self-control.

It shouldn't have surprised her. Everything she knew about the Red Room implied brutality toward the children they were hardening into assassins, so she shouldn't have thought there was any line they wouldn't cross. But somehow hearing that Natasha had had to kill her young peers…

Natasha's eyes flashed up to hers, naked fear unhidden in them as she took Laura's silent shock the wrong way. "I would never hurt Lila. Or Cooper. I swear that to you. But if you don't think I should be around them anymore, I understand completely—"

"No." Laura shook her head, images of Lila dancing blending with a red-haired Russian girl she could almost see in Natasha's eyes. "We trust you, Natasha, this doesn't change that. If anything, it proved you could protect Lila in spite of your trauma."

"But the things I've done—"

"Don't define you," Laura said firmly. "It's about what you do now that you know better."

Natasha knew that tone of voice meant Laura would hear no further argument on the matter, but she still looked unconvinced.

Tit for tat, a confidence for a confidence. Laura leaned forward, mirroring Natasha's position. "How much have I told you about my family, before Clint?"

Natasha frowned, surprised by the change of topic. "Not much. You weren't on good terms with your parents. I didn't press for more."

Laura felt that odd mix of chill and amusement that she felt whenever Natasha implied if she had wanted to know more she could have gotten it. "Well, there's a reason I was content to move to the middle of nowhere and live in secrecy."

She shifted slightly, taking her own steadying breath against the shadows of the past. She hadn't spoken about this to anyone in years. "Did you know my maiden name was Michellini?"

Natasha started shaking her head, then Laura saw the recognition set in. "As in the crime family the Michellinis?"

"That's us," Laura nodded. "Smugglers, embezzlers, killers, you name it. Nothing as organized as the Mafia, per se, but I'm not sure there were many members of my family who had clean hands. If they weren't actively committing crimes, they were providing fronts or dealing below the table to support the rest. And my father was the brains running the business. He was the one who decided they could get ahead of other families if they got involved with some of the more…specialized crime lords out there. The kind S.H.I.E.L.D. has an eye on.

"That's actually how Clint and I met," she said, though she could see Natasha was putting the pieces together herself. "He was sent undercover in the business to take my father down. It was one of his first missions for S.H.I.E.L.D., when he was still proving he was more than just a really good archer. I started seeing him at all kinds of family functions and I'm not sure if being a flirt was part of his cover or who he was back then, but…" She smiled at the memory of the cocky young man who had brought some much needed fun into her far too serious world.

"We hadn't planned on finding love along the way, but life has a sense of humor. As the daughter of the head of the family, my destiny was probably an arranged marriage for some kind of alliance or power grab. My father would have hated Clint just for being a nobody even before he realized what was really going on. I didn't fall for him because it would piss off my dad, but I'll admit that didn't exactly hurt the thrill of it," she grinned.

It eased her concern to see Natasha almost smile at that.

"When Clint dropped S.H.I.E.L.D. on them, it was my ticket out," she concluded. "I turned evidence on them and was given witness protection. Turns out S.H.I.E.L.D.'s version beats the government's any day."

"I didn't know," Natasha said quietly, the new information having successfully pulled her focus from her own memories. "I knew Clint had met you while on an assignment, but he never said exactly how involved you were. You didn't hate Clint for going after your family?"

"My mom died when I was young, long before any of that went down. My dad was…not a good person and my brothers were competing to be just like him." She shrugged it off with old casualness. "Seeing them arrested didn't break my heart. But I'm telling you about this for two reasons. First: there are members of the family who know I ratted and would take revenge if they knew how to find me, so don't think you're bringing any more danger into my kids' lives than Clint or I am.

"Second," she continued despite Natasha's startled look, "when I was little, my dad included me in some of his work. It was like a game. Distract a guard by seeming lost or needing help so my dad's people could rob a place. Drop off a box or envelope to someone in places he couldn't be seen himself. I had a doll that was hollow and they'd hide drugs and other contraband in it without me knowing so we could smuggle stuff around the country. He didn't have me do as much once I got older and more noticeable, but I've been an accomplice in more felony crimes than I can remember."

"You were a kid," Natasha said, frowning sympathetically. "None of that was your choice."

"Right. I did what my dad told me to because it was all I knew. Just like you did for your trainers. I know it's not exactly the same," she said when Natasha started to argue. "And I can't imagine everything you've been through. But if my father had put a gun in my hands at six years old and told me to shoot someone or he would beat me, I'm not sure I would have said no."

That seemed to get through to Natasha, stopping any further debate. Laura reached out, taking her hand. "Kids can be used and manipulated. They don't have a say and can't stand up to the adults who control them. As two grown women who have freedom and more understanding of our actions' consequences, what matters is how we choose to live now and who we decide to be."

Natasha didn't respond, but her eyes were thoughtful rather than haunted.

Laura gave her hand one more squeeze, sitting back as she saw Clint approaching in her peripheral vision. He gave her a worried, questioning look, but since he wasn't running, she figured he had watched from a distance long enough to see she had things under control.

"Hey," he said softly, crouching down beside them. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just a flashback," Natasha said. Her voice still sounded tired, but it was much closer to normal now.

"You haven't had one that bad in ages," Clint frowned. Laura had a new flash of gratitude that Clint and Natasha had had each other while away at work.

"Well, it's been a difficult few weeks," Natasha said with a rueful smirk. "Things are a little stirred up."

"No kidding. You want to go inside?" he asked, glancing back toward the house.

Laura saw the flicker of hesitation in Natasha's eyes, the exhaustion in her posture from the near panic attack. "It's a nice day out. How about you guys find some shade and I'll help Lila bring the tea out."

Laura got up and headed into the house, knowing Natasha would allow Clint to help her if she stumbled, but would try to put on a strong front if she had an audience. Laura figured she could keep Lila distracted long enough to let them have some privacy.

Lila looked up from stirring sugar into the pitcher of tea as Laura entered the kitchen. "Is Auntie Nat okay?" she asked, fear in every line of a face too young to have to be aware of trauma.

Laura hugged her tightly, wishing her as long a childhood as possible. "She's fine now."

"What happened to her?"

Laura sighed, trying to decide how to explain. "Sometimes people who have been through bad things suddenly relive them in their minds. Like having a nightmare while you're awake."

Lila gripped her tighter, voice shaking. "Did I make her have that?"

"No, sweetie." Laura hugged her again. "You didn't. In fact, I think you're good for her. Having good times with you kids helps." It had certainly helped restore her own faith in humanity and the innocence of youth.

Laura glanced out the window to see Clint had helped Natasha to a chair on the porch. She still looked worn out as they talked softly, but her normal color was back. "Here, why don't you take Daddy and Aunt Natasha some tea while I find where your brother's gotten to? Then maybe we can all go out for dinner tonight."

Lila looked out the door nervously, but nodded. "Okay. Cooper's on his computer."

"What else is new?"

As Laura headed to the stairs, she paused, looking out the window again. Natasha was beaming and pulling Lila into a reassuring hug, any trace of her flashback hidden once more. Smiling slightly, Laura continued upstairs to find her son.

OOO

That night, after they had settled back in from a meal at a fast food place in town where no one questioned strangers passing through, Laura was folding and putting away yet another endless round of laundry in Lila's bedroom when she heard a hesitant knocking sound down the hall. Peeping out of the doorframe curiously, she saw Natasha look up from her seat on her bed at Cooper, who stood in the open doorway to her room.

"What's up?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, twisting his hands nervously.

"Sure," Natasha said, setting her book aside. "What about?"

He hesitated, brow furrowing. "I read the files about you online."

Laura dropped the shirt she was holding in shock.

No.

She debated intervening to stop the conversation, regretting that she and Clint hadn't followed up on Cooper's concerns before Natasha got there, but part of her knew stepping in now wouldn't put the cat back in the bag and at least she was nearby if things got bad. Cooper was a smart, curious boy who was old enough to question things and maybe deserved more answers than he had when he was younger. But why did he have to bring it up today?

Natasha's face was a frozen mask, only the whitening knuckles of her twined hands betraying her distress. "Ah. And…?"

"And a lot of it's really nasty stuff," he said, looking at his own hands rather than her. "And I couldn't picture you doing it, but everybody on TV's talking about how you were a bad guy once."

Laura's heart broke as Natasha's eyes took on a sad resignation. Clearly she had been expecting this day to come too, and fearing it. "I was, yes," she said simply, without excuse or evasion.

"But Dad says the people who raised you made you do it, so I looked deeper and read your medical files."

Mortification rushed through Laura, as well as horror over what he may have seen. They were going to have to have a serious talk later about boundaries and what he was doing online.

"I didn't understand most of it," Cooper continued, face still hard to read, "but I know those people hurt you. A lot."

Natasha didn't seem to know what to say anymore, just letting him speak his piece.

Cooper paused, apparently thinking deeply. "There's this kid at school who picks on me," he said at last. "He's mean to everybody and fights a lot and everybody's scared of him. But when we had Parent-Teacher Night, his dad was even bigger and meaner than him. When the teacher told his dad what he did, the bully came into school the next day with bruises all over that he tried to hide from the teacher."

Cooper swallowed, looking up at Natasha now. "Mom said that when people grow up with violence, sometimes that's all they know how to do. But ever since Dad brought you here, you've always been nice to us. So you must've been a really good person to not turn out mean."

Natasha jerked slightly as if struck by an unexpected hit. Laura couldn't see her exact expression due to the moisture in her own eyes and the pride glowing in her heart, but she could imagine it.

Cooper didn't seem to notice her reaction, clenching his hands in frustration. "But all the news people talk about is the bad stuff. They never talk about all the good stuff you and Dad did for work or how you helped save the world from aliens or anything! It's not fair! You're heroes!"

Natasha reached out a hand to him, finding her voice again. "But I did do those bad things. And no matter how much good I do, I still have to pay for them somehow."

"But that was forever ago!" he argued. "I'd hate if people got mad at me for stupid stuff I did when I was little."

She saw Natasha try to hide a glimmer of amusement. "I know. But you don't just become a good person or a bad person. You have to prove it every day, especially if there's no way to apologize to the people you've hurt in the past."

Cooper sighed, moving to plop down beside her on the bed. "I guess. It still sucks."

Natasha smiled slightly, putting an arm around him. "Yeah, sometimes."

He looked up. "Want me to hack the news feeds so they have to say nice things about you?"

Laura had a moment of concern over whether he was joking or not.

Now Natasha beamed as she pulled him closer to her side. "Nah, the only people whose opinion I care about already know me. The rest don't matter."

Assured that all was well, at least for now, Laura went back to putting away Lila's clothes, immensely proud of the children she and Clint had raised.

OOO

After everything that had happened recently, it didn't surprise Laura a bit when Lila woke with a bad dream the next night. Laura had assured her again that Natasha was still fine and everything was okay, then stayed with her, talking, cuddling, and humming lullabies until Lila fell back asleep.

Laura was walking back down the stairs, debating how much more sleep she'd be able to get before both kids were up for the day, when she heard voices in the dining room. She paused, breath shortening as she listened.

Natasha was talking to someone.

Laura crept further down the stairs. She would pass the dining room before getting to her bedroom, so waking Clint for backup was out of the question. Not that Natasha sounded threatened, but still, any strangeness in her home right now was unnerving.

She carefully extracted a handgun from one of Natasha's hidden stashes and snuck toward the dining room. She nearly jumped seeing the dark-haired woman sitting at her table before remembering Natasha's incognito dye job.

The man's voice she heard, however, drew her attention. It was strangely familiar, like she should have been able to place it, though not in her house. Was that…

Tony Stark?

Laura shifted her angle of view and saw the holoscreen on the table in front of Natasha. Above it was projected the instantly recognizable face of the Iron Man himself, slightly less smarmy-looking in washed out green light.

Laura was briefly surprised anyone was awake yet to be chatting at this hour, but saw the first glow of dawn on the horizon and realized it was already morning on the east coast.

"Look, I'm not trying to be creepy here," Stark was saying as Laura started tuning into the conversation itself.

"You rarely need to try," Natasha commented dryly, her voice back in what Laura recognized as the Black Widow's.

"I'm not joking. This is a genuine offer. I'm honestly inviting you to move in with me. Do you know how many women would leap at an opportunity like that?"

Natasha leaned back, appearing to bite back a sarcastic reply. She eyed him for a moment, gauging him somehow. "Is Pepper there?"

"Yeah, she's right here." His eyebrows arched. "Is that the incentive you need? 'Cause she's taken, but if that's what you're into I can—"

"Put Pepper on the line," Natasha interrupted coldly, unamused.

"All right. Okay." Stark held up his hands, scooting out of view of the screen. "Pep, she wants you. Well, not wants you, but—"

His voice trailed off as a light-haired woman sat down at her side of the screen, giving the unseen man a threateningly restrained look worthy of Natasha herself. "When this is over, we will be discussing at length exactly what you were about to offer her in place of me."

"I will be thinking of a response."

Pepper pointedly turned back to the screen, a more genuine smile spreading across her face. She was naturally elegant and composed, every bit the once-CEO and dedicated personal assistant Laura would have pictured. Laura had seen her once or twice before on the news, although she never really paid much attention to business matters. But she mostly knew Pepper from the stories Natasha had told her after her time embedded at Stark Tech. Anyone Natasha considered the sole high point of her time at the company earned her good marks in Laura's book.

"Hello, Natasha," Pepper greeted her smoothly, sounding sincere. "I like your new look."

"Thanks." Natasha's voice shifted as well, going slightly warmer. More Agent Romanoff than the full Black Widow. "Things going all right there?"

"About as well as can be expected with the current chaos. Are you all right? It looks like at least you aren't on the street."

"I'm fine, yes." Natasha glanced at the backdrop of kitchen behind her. "I'm at one of my safe houses."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it."

"So, you're aware of the invitation Stark just made me?"

"I am, and although I'd completely understand if you say no, I actually whole-heartedly support this one," Pepper said.

Natasha arched an eyebrow. "Really? So this isn't just an overboard seduction attempt?"

"No. Believe it or not, this is actually Tony trying to be kind. Both of us felt bad that we haven't been able to help since S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. Captain Rogers hasn't been available to contact, but we have a few propositions for you both."

Pepper shifted in her chair, becoming even more business-like. "First, we know that although the Congressional hearing is over, the legal fallout from this is likely to go on for some time. Tony and I would like to offer the best lawyers on our payroll to you, Captain Rogers, Agents Barton and Hill, and anyone else you feel need the defense. As they're Tony's personal attorneys, you can imagine they are very experienced with difficult public relations cases," she added with a sly expression. "I doubt any public defender the government offers will be as good and I can vouch that they're not just in this to make a name for themselves."

Natasha seemed slightly taken aback. "Thank you. I appreciate that."

Pepper waved a hand, demurring. "We'd offer the same thing to Dr. Banner and Thor. Tony feels that since the Avengers are a team, he should be there for the rest of you. What affects one of you affects the others."

Natasha stiffened, not enough for Pepper to see, but visible enough to Laura who was well-versed in her body language. The offer was sincere and the reasons compassionate, Laura thought. She suspected Pepper didn't know the depths of guilt Natasha was swimming in right then and how her last sentence could be interpreted as wanting to prevent her from bringing shame on their team.

Fortunately, Natasha seemed willing to brush it off and not dwell on potential underlying meanings at the moment. "Well, we may take you up on that then. Tell Stark that Rogers, Barton, and I appreciate it."

"You're with both of them?" Stark's voice came from off screen. "How's that working out?"

Pepper shot him another silencing look, then turned back to Natasha. "As for the rest of our offer, let me try to explain it in a less-Tony way. You remember our tower in New York."

"Couldn't forget it."

"Well, we've been undergoing massive renovations on it, not just to repair the damage from the battle with the Chitauri. Tony had the idea that he wanted the Avengers to have their own base separate from S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and although I know he started the project for more basic reasons, given recent events, I think he made the right call. I'll send you a few of the designs for the new Avengers Tower."

Natasha glanced down at the holoscreen device as a new file appeared. "He's actually thinking about taking his name off it?"

"There are a lot of changes happening around here. If you look at the schematics, you can see in addition to all of the research and design laboratories and testing ranges, Tony devoted one floor to be available for each member of the team. Yours is highlighted, although if you see anything wrong with it there's always room for alterations to be made."

Laura couldn't see the schematics from where she stood, but Natasha was looking through them on her tabletop screen as Pepper continued talking.

"The majority of each personal floor is devoted to living quarters. You have a penthouse-style suite set up with a fully-stocked kitchen, entertainment system, spa-style bathroom, and, of course, a stunning view of downtown Manhattan, hardly any scars still visible from the Chitauri invasion."

"Pepper, it's beautiful, but—"

Pepper held up a finger. "I'm not done with the tour. It also has a personal gym and shooting range. The windows are tinted so you can see out but no one can see in, granting you complete privacy. It also contains some of the best information security and retrieval technology Tony could recreate from S.H.I.E.L.D. and improve with his own designs, a partially stocked arsenal of the weapons listed as your preferences in your file, and lots of untouched space left available for you to decide what you want to make it feel like home. And, like the other suites, the elevator can be coded to only go there with your own private key code if you decide you want more security. It's designed to function as a fully independent living space, although we would enjoy having you join us in the communal areas of the tower as much as you're willing," Pepper added, her face still glowing with pride at showing off their creation, but softer than before.

Natasha continued reviewing the documents Pepper had copied to her, but Laura suspected it was more to cover her own speechlessness than really making a strategic analysis of the property. Laura had to admit, Pepper had Natasha's number pretty well. And the idea that someone else out there had put in time, thought, and a considerable amount of money to try to make a nice home for Natasha endeared the woman, and maybe Tony himself, deep into Laura's heart.

"You make a compelling offer," Natasha managed at last, keeping her voice cool and unaffected.

"We do our best." Pepper smiled in a way that suggested she knew Natasha well enough to see through her facade.

"Stark actually thought of all this?"

"Well, a number of the details were my idea, but including private spaces for each of you was Tony's idea from the beginning. Even if he won't admit it much, I think being part of the Avengers means a lot to him and he's enjoying being able to contribute something for the whole team."

"Why wouldn't I admit it?" Stark asked off-screen. "I have the chance to build a clubhouse for my friends who are a bunch of superheroes. Ten-year-old me is having a field day!"

Now Pepper smiled fondly at the man off-screen and Laura had a sudden sense of connection to the woman. She may not officially be Stark's wife yet, but Laura recognized that look and understood she was seeing a bit of the side of Tony Stark that had made Pepper fall in love with him despite so much of what the rest of the world saw.

"It's definitely thorough," Natasha said, playing for time on her decision again. She looked up at Pepper now, brow arched. "And you're okay with this idea?"

"Honestly, the change has been fun so far. Dr. Banner moved in a while ago and he's been good for giving Tony someone else to talk to about his work rather than isolate himself in his lab. We hired Maria Hill, as you've probably heard, and we've talked about having her move into one of the more generic guest suites, but we'll see how that goes. Honestly, having some more women around here who aren't attracted to Tony is a welcome change for me. And you know I'd enjoy your company here even if we weren't outnumbered by boys."

"Miss my superior secretarial skills already?" Natasha teased, finding her composure again.

"I won't lie, it's been hard to find another personal assistant who can handle business affairs and killer robot attacks with quite your level of ability." Pepper's face sobered. "But honestly, we're not asking you to come here for a work commitment. If you want a job, we can absolutely put your talents to use, but there's no ulterior motive to our offer. I'm sure you have your situation under control already, but if you don't want to have to jump from safehouse to safehouse or worry about how to make ends meet, the apartment is here, available for you at any time, no cost. The tower is completely paparazzi-proof and we have more resources than we know what to do with. Any time you want to take advantage of it, just come over. Although, if possible, let us know you're coming so Happy doesn't have a heart attack when you suddenly appear in the tower."

Natasha smirked now, nodding slightly. "I'll strongly consider it, Pepper. Thank you."

"Hey, I have all the same sentiments too, just not worded as nicely as she did," Stark added, leaning back into view.

"Then thank you too, Stark. I'll be in touch."

"Please do," Pepper added, the businesswoman fading to just a concerned friend. "Anything we can offer, just say the word. I still owe you for keeping Tony from destroying himself the first time, much less everything you did for New York."

"You don't, but I appreciate it. I'll let you know." Natasha switched off the holoscreen a bit abruptly, her discomfort at the conversation starting to leak through.

Laura relaxed, preparing to put the handgun away and head back to bed.

"She makes a pretty good sales pitch, huh?"

Laura started, turning back to the dining room. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just heard voices."

"It's all right," Natasha said, looking her way. "I'm glad you were ready to have my back that quickly."

Laura took Natasha's initial question as a sign she wanted to talk about what had just happened. She gladly set the unused handgun down on the counter and walked over to sit across the table. "That was quite a generous offer."

"Mm." Natasha's eyes were staring at the deactivated holoscreen on the table, but her gaze was internal. "If the government does decide to pursue legal action, I'll definitely take them up on the lawyers."

Laura nodded, watching Natasha carefully. She was evading the second part of the offer and Laura decided to clear up any side doubts she may have about her decision. "I didn't see much of the floorplan she was talking about, but sounds like they've built an incredible place in the tower."

"Stark spares no expense when he gets a project in mind. And Pepper has good taste. She knows how to put the human touch on Stark's technical ideas."

Laura smiled a bit. "You like her, don't you?"

Natasha looked up now in surprise, eyes more focused. "Sure. She's unflappable, dedicated, a talented businesswoman and boss—"

"Right, but I mean you like her as a person. There's not many people you compliment that much and you approved of her way back when you were undercover at Stark Tech. Have you stayed in touch since then?"

Natasha shifted, slightly embarrassed now if Laura was reading her correctly. She was no better at admitting emotion about new people than Stark apparently was. "We do talk fairly often. At first it was for work follow-up, but then she started inviting me for lunch or coffee and it became a semi-regular thing. It gives her a chance to vent and talk to someone outside of work, and I…" She paused, then proceeded. "I enjoy her company."

Laura tried to control her smile so she wasn't full-out beaming. The idea that Natasha had another friend out there while she was away on duty was profoundly reassuring. "Well, between her and Captain Rogers, it sounds like you haven't been as alone as we feared since Clint retired."

"She isn't replacing you," Natasha added quickly. "We're work friends, I guess, but that's not the same as what we—"

"I know!" Laura laughed. "Nat, relax. I'm not jealous you have other friends out there! I'm thrilled for you! It's good to have multiple people in your life you can count on or just have fun with."

"All right. Good." Natasha nodded, almost blushing awkwardly.

Laura watched her a moment, seeing the indecision still written in her face. "I think you should do it."

Natasha looked up sharply. "What?"

"Their offer for you to move in? If you think you can stand living that close to Tony Stark, I think you should go for it."

"Do you?"

"I do. Look, we both know you're not going to stay here forever. That's not a shot at you," she added quickly. "You're too much in the public eye right now and I know you're going to move on before you draw attention our way. You have plenty of safehouses, I'm sure, but think seriously about what they're offering. You can be alone or you can have familiar faces around you and get to know your new teammates better. I know Clint would have more peace of mind if he knew you were surrounded by people who had your back again, especially until this whole HYDRA mess blows over."

Natasha mulled this over, pursing her lips with mild stubbornness. "Maybe. I'll think about it."

"Good. This will always be your home, but there's no reason to turn down a sweet apartment in the city too." Laura laughed slightly. "You're a lucky woman, Nat. There's not many people who have multiple people begging them to move in."

Natasha scoffed briefly, looking down at her hands. For a moment, Laura thought she became neither the Black Widow nor Agent Romanoff, nor even Natasha, and thought maybe she caught a glimpse of the little red-haired girl who had been thrown into a cold world years ago. "I'm an assassin and a spy," Natasha said, even her voice smaller. "How did I get here?"

Laura reached over and put her hand over Natasha's joined ones. "Because you're more than an assassin and a spy. Everyone around you knows it, so maybe you should start trusting their insight."

Natasha looked at their hands, then gave Laura a sideways look, the corner of her mouth quirked slightly. "You know, you make a damn good sales pitch too."

"I know." Laura sat back a bit, mimicking Pepper's self-satisfied smile. "If your friend there's ever hiring, you can give her my resume."

"Oh, if you're ever free to come out of hiding, I think I definitely need to have you two meet."

"It's a date. And you can show me your swinging New York City apartment."

"Once I've confirmed that Stark doesn't have any hidden cameras in it," Natasha said, probably only half joking.

Laura smiled, then spoke seriously again. "You know, as sleazy as he can be, at least he's upfront about it. I think you can trust these people, Nat, and after everything that's happened in the last few weeks, having a smaller team of people you can get to know personally would probably do you some good."

The nervousness came back again. "Maybe. It's been a while since I've let new people get to know me that well."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I think this group will understand your situation. From the way you've described Stark, he probably read your file already, maybe before it was ever even released to the public. And he's still making the offer. That counts for something."

Natasha's jaw shifted thoughtfully. "True. It does."

"What's Stark offering you?" Clint asked, rubbing his eyes groggily as he walked in.

"He wants me to move in with him," Natasha answered, sounding more at ease with the idea.

"Yeah? You gonna go kick his ass for that?"

"No, he invited you too."

"Oh, sweet." He perked up. "When do we get to check the place out?"

"I don't know when you want to go." Natasha looked up, meeting Laura's eyes with an expression of confidence that hadn't been there since she arrived. "But I guess I'm heading up in a few days to take the tour."

Laura nodded approvingly.

"Great!" Clint started sorting through the cupboards for a bowl and a box of cereal. "So, did he actually give us separate quarters or does he think we need a honeymoon suite?"

"Well actually, now he thinks you, Steve, and I are a threesome."

Clint spilled cereal across the counter, glancing back with a wince. "I know he's a great guy and all, but I'm not sure I'm onboard to follow through on that rumor."

As they teased each other, Laura leaned over the table, glancing at the blueprints still on Natasha's screen. The luxury high-rise was beautiful, and Laura was a bit jealous she wouldn't get to go with Clint to see his property there. Well, if all really did work out well with this new team they were building, she was going to insist on getting to meet the other woman who was opening her home to Natasha. In the meantime, maybe she'd have a huge bouquet of flowers sent her way. Particularly when she noticed the private elevator set up to connect just Natasha's floor and Clint's, so they could visit privately. Whether intended for romantic liaisons or not, Laura knew having Clint so close at hand would help put Natasha at ease quickly. Especially if these flashbacks lingered for a while.

Getting used to a new team would take a while, Laura was sure, and potentially having someone outside the Bartons witness Natasha's moments of weakness was going to be tough. But if they all were sincere about making it work, this Avengers thing might be the best thing to happen to any of them in a long time.


	5. Nathaniel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This one took forever, but it did wind up being the longest chapter yet, so hopefully worth the wait. I was originally just going to do scenes before and after the movie, like the past chapters, but since Laura's actually in Age of Ultron and a lot of readers wanted her to interact with the Avengers, I wound up weaving it in and around all her scenes in AoU too. Retconning/interpreting that to make sense of everyone's actions and keep them in character was no small feat, but I'm fairly pleased with how it worked out.
> 
> Oh, if anyone is squeamish about pregnancy stuff, you may want to skip a few scenes. This chapter's structured around Laura's pregnancy with Nathaniel and Natasha's reaction to it.

Once Natasha had moved to Avengers Tower, Clint began spending more time there as well, since his semi-retirement was a bit harder to explain when all the rest of the Avengers were moving in. Apparently Tony was very persuasive, or at least obnoxiously persistent, and wanted his whole team to bond and share their "clubhouse". Laura found his enthusiasm almost boyishly charming and hoped the man had just enough charm to keep Clint and Natasha from killing him after living with him for extended periods.

Although Clint made it clear he had business of his own he needed to deal with and that he was not back full-time, it was harder for Natasha to get away unless she wanted to deal with insinuations about romantic getaways with Clint. Laura accepted this change back to the old ways, although she regretted it. She had gotten spoiled having her husband home more consistently for the last few years.

Clint wasn't thrilled with the arrangement either, especially since he barely knew most of the people he was now working with, but she saw him warm up over the weeks as his home visits went on. He liked Dr. Banner pretty well and once Captain Rogers— _Steve_ —moved in too, he enjoyed having someone else who got along with Natasha as well as he did. Thor came and went, making it clear that he was only remaining on Earth long enough to retrieve Loki's staff and preferred to spend as much of that time as he could with the woman he loved. They all still maintained their own lives to a fair extent, but spent time training as a team whenever they had the majority of them present and tried to bond in their downtime. Clint's stories of movie nights, group dinners, and one ill-fated but hilarious game night made Laura wish she could be a fly on the wall in the tower.

Clint's attitude improved dramatically after he came home with a beautifully-crafted bow and set of high-tech arrows that Tony had designed for him. Apparently during their training, Stark kept getting ideas of how to improve on everyone's technology and was gradually gifting his teammates with whatever he came up with. His new toy had Clint practically walking on air as he tested it and showed off around the farm. Until Natasha revealed the new stun batons Stark had built for her and Clint got slightly pouty and nervous at her eagerness to test them.

All in all, it was an exciting time for the family. The kids loved the stories Clint and Natasha came back with. Clint, for all that he had relished his retirement, seemed to perk up a bit having something to do again that didn't involve being on the front lines constantly. And since his time home was more limited, they made the most of his newfound energy whenever he was back.

Which probably explained how Laura's third pregnancy happened.

It hadn't been planned. They were happy with the two children they had and, especially since the kids were getting older, they hadn't intended to have another who was so much younger than them. But things happen in life. A night of passion after Clint had been away for a particularly long stretch had defied the odds and while Clint's defenses were down, so to speak, fate found a weakness in her own reinforcements, and their family got a bit larger.

Since Natasha was only coming back with Clint occasionally those days, she wasn't home when they found out. Clint and Laura decided to hold off telling her for a few months, until they were more certain it was going to happen. Laura was a little bit older than she had been with the first two, after all, and although she was in good health, she still held her breath a bit through the first trimester.

But the morning sickness eased and the first few checkups went by with no red flags, so by the time Laura was able to see the visible swell of their baby starting to show, they decided it was probably safe to share the news.

The biggest question was how to tell her. Revealing it by satellite phone seemed so impersonal, especially with what else they were discussing telling her. So, when Laura was in her fourth month, they arranged for Natasha to come home with Clint for a longer visit.

Despite their debate over how to break the news, they realized they needn't have bothered. Natasha had barely stepped through the front door before her sharp eyes locked on Laura, eyes flicking up and down as absorbed every change that was apparently clear enough to her despite the baggy sweater Laura wore. She glanced to Clint almost comedically, who was grinning as confirmation.

Her first response was to punch him in the arm for not telling her, then to hug Laura in congratulations. The feel of the slight bump between them seemed to unnerve her a little and Laura saved her from being unsure what to say or do next by getting out their sonogram picture to show off as Clint put her bags away in her room.

Gradually the visit moved to the kitchen table to have a hot drink and be able to talk. Having gotten the hows and whens out of the way, Laura looked at Clint to see if he was ready to broach the other topic they were thinking about. He nodded, letting her take the lead.

"Actually," she said, slightly nervously, "we're really glad you were able to visit because there's something else we wanted to ask you."

Natasha set her mug down warily, eyes confused. "Go ahead."

Laura gripped her coffee, leaning forward slightly. "Well, it's still very early and they can't tell much about the baby yet, but I've just had the strongest impression it's another girl. And, well, if it is…" She glanced at Clint again, then back. "We'd like to name her Natasha."

Laura had anticipated the unconcealed shock on Natasha's face, the abrupt stiffening of her posture, and her eyes darting for confirmation. The sudden wariness was a bit of a surprise. "Why?" she asked, a little sharply.

"Well, lots of reasons," Laura stammered, resuming her prepared words as if she had gotten the reaction she had expected. "We owe you so much. You saved Clint from Loki and brought him home safe. When S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, you erased our information rather than protecting yourself. Our family's whole and safe because of you."

"And it doesn't have to be 'Natasha'," Clint added when she stayed silent, stunned. "It can be Natalia or Natalie or we can try Alianovna if she doesn't mind everybody misspelling it around here…"

"No," she cut him off.

They both paused, Laura's heart sinking that this idea wasn't going over as well as she had hoped. "If you're not comfortable with it, don't worry about it. It was just a thought."

"No." Natasha looked up, eyes focusing again. "I just meant 'Natasha' is fine. I, um…I don't know what to say."

"But you're okay with the idea?" Clint asked.

The corner of Natasha's mouth quirked slightly, even if her eyes still looked uncertain. "It's an honor. One I don't know how to accept."

One she didn't think she deserved, Laura mused, reading her reaction. They would have to change that over the coming months.

"Well, how about with a toast?" Clint suggested, raising his mug.

That seemed to help break the tension a bit as they clinked their cups together and sipped quietly.

Natasha sat back in her chair, swirling her glass thoughtfully. "So, Natasha Barton, huh?"

"Natasha Barton," Clint agreed, resting his hand over Laura's stomach. She felt a warm glow at having an official identity for the baby she was just beginning to feel.

Natasha laughed briefly. "Poor kid."

"I think it's pretty," Clint protested.

"I meant the 'Barton' part," Natasha smirked.

"Careful, I'm a Barton too," Laura teased back, glad to see their friendly ease returning. "And so are the kids."

"And you practically are," Clint added, "so don't throw stones."

"Now, the most important thing we have to decide is what nickname we're going to call her," Laura added. "We can't have two Nats or it's going to get confusing."

"There's Tasha, but I've used that for you too," Clint said. "Tash… Little Nat… What are baby spiders called?"

"Nothing a little girl probably wants to be called," Natasha said, eyebrow raised dubiously.

"Well, we've still got five months until we meet her," Laura said, rubbing her stomach. "We'll see what fits her then."

As Laura sipped her cocoa, she noticed Natasha's eyes settling on her abdomen with that uncertain expression again. Yes, they would definitely need to spend some time making sure she was comfortable with their new family situation.

OOO

Living in Avengers Tower complicated the ease of their visits, since any time one or both slipped away from the small population, it was noticed. Clint had already established that he didn't want to be at the Tower full-time, so he was able to be home through Laura's pregnancy as much as possible. Natasha, though, had fewer excuses unless she wanted to flat-out support the team's lingering suspicions that she and Clint were a couple.

Still, despite not being able to come home with Clint as often, Natasha called frequently to check in and almost always sent something for Clint to pass on to Laura, whether it was a bag of her favorite candy, a link to a website she had read on prenatal health tips, or vitamins that were supposed to be good for the baby. Neither of the veteran parents had the heart to tell her that since they had already been through this twice before, they already knew what to do. Gathering information and researching seemed to be how Natasha got a handle on situations she felt unprepared to deal with, and Laura didn't want to discourage her.

By the time Natasha was finally able to visit in person, Laura was well into her sixth month and there was no concealing the presence of the pregnancy. As much as Natasha had been preparing herself, Laura could tell that actually seeing her friend with a prominently rounded belly was still a strange experience. Laura wondered a bit sadly whether Natasha had ever been around pregnant women at all throughout her previous life, or if the idea of creating life was a forbidden image in a world that only prepared children for violent death.

Natasha was still warm and friendly as she always was to Laura, but also immediately tried to make herself useful, offering to do everything for her. It pretty quickly became obvious Natasha was going to be even more of a nervous spouse than Clint had been since her first pregnancy. She repeatedly shooed Natasha away from helping in the kitchen, insisting she was still able to care for two rambunctious kids even without Clint or Natasha present, so she could surely manage to get drinks out of the fridge or reach items in the pantry without hurting herself or the baby. She made a mental note to take full advantage of this situation by the time she was into the last trimester, though.

Aside from becoming extra protective, Laura noticed that Natasha was trying to hide a certain amount of curiosity too. Her eyes kept darting to Laura's belly when she thought she wouldn't be noticed. When Laura did direct attention to the baby, running a hand across her stomach, Natasha's eyes followed her every moment. Unspoken questions and thoughts Laura couldn't quite read hung in the air every time, but Natasha never gave them voice. It reminded Laura of Cooper's reaction when she was pregnant with Lila, except kids never hesitated to ask whatever was on their minds.

Clearly Laura was going to have to take matters into her own hands to break the ice.

When Clint left to pick the kids up from school, Laura and Natasha were sitting on the couch, chatting and idly watching TV, and the perfect opportunity presented itself. The baby woke up and stretched strongly enough to surprise Laura.

Natasha, attuned to Laura's every movement, was instantly alert to her shift. "You okay?"

Laura grinned, imagining Natasha was suddenly worried she would have to drive Laura to the delivery room. "Yeah," she said, rubbing the spot on her belly. "She's just kicking."

After the original ultrasound to confirm everything was off to a good start, they had yet to drive all the way back to town for an ultrasound confirming the sex of the baby, but they had been calling it 'she' since Natasha agreed to the naming offer.

"Ah." Natasha accepted her explanation, seeming unsure what else to say. But again Laura caught the dart of her eyes toward her stomach, followed by the careful schooling of her features and that slight solemn edge that Laura couldn't quite figure out.

The baby stirred again and Laura went for it.

"Would you like to feel it?"

The sudden flash of almost comedic terror and embarrassment on Natasha's face was worth the question a thousand times over. "Uh, that's all right."

"Come on, she's your namesake. She should start getting to know you."

"She hasn't been born yet," Natasha retorted, brow furrowing.

"No, but she can sense things. She can feel us as much as I can feel her. Here, look."

Laura caught Natasha's wrist and gently but firmly put her hand against her belly. Natasha froze, barely breathing as she went rigid in Laura's grip, like a rabbit ready to bolt. Laura pretended she didn't notice, maintaining the air of normality about this whole thing.

They waited. And of course, with that awareness every child seems to have of when people are watching, nothing happened.

"She stopped?" Natasha asked finally, voice a bit tight.

Laura snorted. "Happens every time. As soon as you get out the camera or—"

The baby kicked, as if indignant at the accusation, and Natasha nearly leapt out of her own skin. Her eyes snapped to Laura's laughing ones. "That was her?"

"Yep," Laura grinned, trying not to laugh too much at her poor, scared friend.

Natasha looked back at her hand. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Nah, not yet. It's a little uncomfortable when she aims at my ribs or bladder, but she's still pretty small yet. It won't get too bad until she starts running out of room and my skin runs out of stretch."

"I'd heard of babies kicking, but I didn't know you could feel it that…strong." Natasha looked a bit embarrassed, her hand still rigid against Laura's stomach.

"Wait till she's due. Every movement looks more dramatic." Laura leaned back slightly, looking down fondly. "It's easy to forget they're doing stuff in there before they're born. Like you imagine them just kind of sleeping, but they kick and turn around and apparently suck their thumbs, though I can't feel anything like that. Cooper used to get hiccups a lot, though."

"You can feel hiccups?" Natasha asked, incredulous.

"Yeah, it was weird. And they can feel us back too." She let go of Natasha's hand and started pressing in on the other side of her belly, trying to encourage the baby to move again.

Natasha was still slightly pink, but her hand stayed in place without being told now. She watched Laura search for where would get the baby's attention. "I always thought everything felt…hard," she commented as Laura's fingers dented into the soft skin around the baby.

Laura smiled, glad Natasha was starting to relax and open up about the pregnancy. "It will feel firmer later on, once she's almost ready to be born. I'm only about two thirds of the way through now, so she's still got room to grow."

The idle pattern she started tapping on her skin finally got a reaction and the baby extended what was probably her leg to meet it. Natasha visibly squirmed back as she saw Laura's skin stretch and distort around the movement through the thin material of her shirt.

Laura felt a pang of regret at herself. "Sorry. I forgot this freaks people out sometimes."

"No," Natasha assured her, calming slightly. "I just… I didn't know you could see it like that." She looked away, the tension coming back again. "Pregnancy…wasn't really included in my training."

"I bet," Laura said sadly. Now it was her turn to feel awkward, touching on the dark shadows of Natasha's past. She decided not to address it directly, just offering what she could.

"Well, anything you think of you want to know, please feel free to ask. I'm not squeamish about stuff like this and, well, she's kind of the big project I've got going on right now," she added, with an exaggeratedly pointed expression. "Artists always like talking about their creative process. We're kind of needy that way."

Natasha smiled slightly then, amused. "Thanks. Just…let me know if I'm doing something wrong."

"You don't need to worry. Just keep being you and relax. You're doing great." She nodded at her belly. "I think she likes you, too."

Now Natasha gave her a dry look. "You're projecting that to make me feel better."

Laura laughed. "Okay, I am a bit, but she does know you're there and that counts for something. They think hearing parents' voices while in the womb helps with bonding too."

"I've heard. You really think she's listening to us?" Natasha asked, the curiosity starting to return.

"Well, I don't think she understands any of it or could even make much out, since she's basically underwater, but they can supposedly recognize different voices. Clint talks to her a lot. Even sings sometimes."

"You're kidding." Natasha's eyebrow raised and Laura had a sense she was filing that bit of information away for later teasing use.

"I'm not. It's…'cute' I think is the safest word to use." Laura stifled a yawn, feeling the after-lunch drowsiness starting to set in. The tiredness was one of the more annoying non-pain-related parts of pregnancy for her. "I think I might relax for a bit here, so feel free to go for it if you want," she said, leaning back on the couch and shifting to get comfortable. "Probably good for her to start learning your voice."

"What am I supposed to say?" Natasha asked dubiously.

Laura shrugged, resting her head on the back of the couch and closing her eyes. "Doesn't matter. She won't understand it yet anyway."

Letting out a relaxing breath, Laura allowed herself to drift, trying to let Natasha feel like she wasn't paying attention. She nearly had fallen asleep when she felt a tentative touch on her stomach. She was careful not to react, giving Natasha this time between her and the baby.

Natasha said something quietly in what Laura slowly recognized as Russian. Although Laura knew a reasonable amount of the language by now, she suspected it gave Natasha the illusion of a bit more privacy. The words started out hesitant, as cautious as the fingertips on her belly. The touch recoiled when the baby moved against her hand, and Laura was glad the baby was responding directly to her.

She almost thought that was the end of it for the day, but to her pleasant surprise, Natasha's hand returned with more resolve. The baby stretched out again and this time Natasha pressed back against the bump, rubbing whatever part of the baby it was with one finger as she said something in a warmer voice. Laura felt Natasha move her hand to another area on her stomach and the baby met her touch there too. Natasha laughed slightly, then moved her hand around a few more times, seeing if the baby could find her from different angles. Each time her touch was rewarded with a kick or nudge, Natasha commented in the same tone Laura recognized from whenever she would praise Cooper or Lila for doing well.

Laura realized she was beaming despite trying not to react. Natasha was already teaching and playing with the baby.

Gradually, the baby's responses slowed as she either got tired, frustrated, or bored with the game. Natasha's hand slowed too, then slowly retreated.

"Laura?"

Laura opened her eyes, seeing Natasha still watching her belly with a pensive expression. "Yeah?"

"Do you…like being pregnant?"

Laura stretched, waking up further. "I prefer the result. It'd be nice to be able to get the kid without the nausea and pain and childbirth, but it's still a pretty magical time, yeah."

Natasha had a bit of an odd look on her face. "Were you ever…scared of it?"

"The first time, definitely," Laura said, pondering that expression. "Neither Clint or I had any real experience with kids and I hadn't really been around pregnant women either, so it was all unknown territory. And the first months are always scary because you don't know if anything's wrong and you might lose the baby or do something wrong before you realize you're pregnant. And the labor, for sure. Not the pain, so much, but at that point it's real, you know? Suddenly the baby's really there and you're responsible for it. So yeah, it can be, but there's good with the scary. It's definitely worth it."

Natasha made a 'hm' sound, still staring quietly.

Laura cocked her head, something dawning on her mind. "Nat, are you thinking about having kids?"

Natasha startled slightly, giving a slight bitter laugh as she sat back. "My life doesn't really allow for having kids."

"Maybe," Laura said, taking in this new development. "But S.H.I.E.L.D.'s gone, mostly, and your work with the Avengers doesn't have to be all-consuming. There are six of you, so I'm sure they can afford to let some of you take time off now and then. If you're really thinking about kids or a relationship or something outside of work, now might be the best time to start exploring that option."

Natasha was quiet for a moment and Laura finally recognized that odd solemn expression as a sort of wistfulness. Then she shook her head slightly with her usual wry smile. "I'm already aunt to the best kids in the world. Shouldn't be greedy."

Laura's brow furrowed a little, wondering why she was so quick to write off the possibility. "Well, I can't argue with that, but—"

She never got to finish because at that moment Clint came in the front door with the children, who became a whirlwind of excitement to see their favorite aunt, and they didn't have another quiet moment to broach the topic again before Natasha had to head back to New York. But the conversation lingered in Laura's mind frequently over the coming months.

OOO

The further her pregnancy advanced, the more Laura became convinced that the Avengers were trying to put Clint and Natasha in harm's way. More "raiding parties", more skirmishes with remnants of HYDRA, more time for her mind to play out worst case scenarios of being left a single mother if something went wrong. Maybe it was her own hormones making her resent their work more, but when the team was called to Eastern Europe to raid a HYDRA compound during her eighth month, Laura couldn't hide her annoyance at the nerve-wracking timing.

Clint seemed pained and apologetic too and offered to stay home, but if Nick Fury and now-Director Coulson were breaking their fake-death covers to call the whole team, it had to be a big deal. So Laura dealt with it and reassured him that she was still very capable and had the kids to help out and wished him a safe trip. She promised to call him if she felt anything like a contraction and he in return was to check in frequently so she didn't have to worry more than necessary.

And so she did what she always did after sending him off and put it to the back of her mind, focusing on the kids and the house, both of which seemed to have never ending lists of needs and work. Being in the moment kept her focus off the 'what if's and the increased nerves that pregnancy seemed to bring out of her.

It did _not_ help that his first call home was to let her know that he was okay despite being hit with an energy weapon. No amount of the words 'regeneration' and 'just like new' put her mind at ease and all she wanted was to have Clint home again, safe and sound.

She had no idea that wish would be granted sooner than she expected.

Laura had been working on another round of tidying up after shooing the kids upstairs when she heard the front door open and close. She considered the nearest weapon stash in the house, but she knew it had been locked, so whoever came in had a key, which could only mean two people.

But her suspicions couldn't prepare her for coming into her living room to see the entire Avengers team standing there in varying states of disarray. In a quick glance, she found Clint, who was giving her an apologetic smile, then darted worriedly until she located Natasha. Both were whole and showed no signs of obvious blood or injury, but Natasha's eyes were a bit glazed, her whole posture odd, and the smile she offered Laura faded almost instantly to something that spoke of trauma. Her inability to maintain her mask at all spoke frightening volumes.

Laura searched Clint's eyes for explanation or a cue as to how he wanted her to handle this, but didn't have time to convey much yet. So she kept her face still, trying not to react too dramatically until Clint explained what was going on and why he'd dared to reveal their home to every member of their team.

Clearly, the team were just as baffled to see her.

"This is an agent of some kind," Stark commented, trying to fit this world into the little he knew about Clint's life.

She should have been amused, but Laura was still troubled how much Natasha was skulking near the team like a beaten dog, although trying to pull her persona together again. The rest in general seemed subdued from what she knew of them, but that in particular scared her. What had happened?

"Guys, this is Laura," Clint introduced, making her focus her attention on the full team again.

She gave them a slight smile, realizing the awkwardness of the situation and beginning to take in the fact that Captain America and Thor and all the others were standing in her house. "I know all of your names."

Then the stampede of excited feet down the stairs heralded the arrival of their children. As much as her heart always warmed to see Clint with the kids, maternal fear flickered in Laura about revealing them to the Avengers.

To their credit, Stark just kept his comments to a joke as he attempted to process this too. "These are…smaller agents."

Normally the kids would have loved having Iron Man call them agents, but to Laura's surprise, having their family back home was a bigger priority to the kids than the team of superheroes in the house. Which, considering who their father was, maybe did make this just like having their parents' work friends over for dinner. Or maybe their lifestyle up to this point just made them that much warier of any unexpected visitors.

"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" Lila asked, eagerly.

Laura almost started to cut in to buy Natasha time if she wasn't up for company, but as ever, the effect of the children was profound. Lila's voice was like a light switch, cutting through the haze around Natasha, and suddenly Auntie Nat was there in full swing, swooping in to scoop up her adopted niece with a teasing, "Why don't you hug me and find out?"

Laura caught a sense of how forced her cheer was as she walked over and made a mental note to investigate it further when she could. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cooper watching and glancing up at Clint too. Their son had always been so observant and perceptive. Had he caught the lapse in Natasha's mask too?

As the initial shock seemed to be broken, Captain—Steve started to take some kind of charge again. "Sorry for barging in on you."

"Yeah," Stark added, "we could have called ahead but we were busy having no idea that you existed."

"Yeah, well, Fury helped me set this up when I joined." Clint gave Cooper a bit of a reassuring look before adding pointedly, "Uh, kept it off S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files. Like to keep it that way. Figured it's a good place to lay low."

Laura very distinctly intended to have a conversation with him later about all of this, but he was making their concerns clear, so she left it at that. If he chose to trust them, she would play the hostess.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Natasha flick a guilty look at Dr. Banner, then avoid his somewhat stern gaze. Another mental note to address that further soon too.

Since Clint seemed to have a handle on getting the team introduced and settled, Laura focused on finally getting to greet Natasha. She didn't like how much she was almost cringing around her friends. Where was the cocky super spy who controlled every room she entered? She knew Natasha wouldn't discuss anything remotely vulnerable in front of her team, but Laura still needed to do something to try to comfort her friend.

"Honey…" she said softly, catching her attention.

Natasha gave her an almost-right smile, seeming to be able to be herself more when she was focused on Laura or the kids. "I've missed you," she said, her friendly tone failing to hide her tension. "How's little Natasha, hm?"

It shocked the hell out of Laura that Natasha reached out to touch her belly without needing an invitation, especially in front of her team. She briefly wondered if it was another grounding effort, like she had used so long ago to come back from her PTSD flashbacks, but then the question itself sank in.

This was absolutely _not_ the scenario in which she had wanted to break the news of her recent ultrasound to Natasha, but she had no choice now but to answer. "She's…Nathaniel," she said, apologizing with every ounce of her expression.

Natasha's smile faded and Laura tried to guess how many emotions were no doubt twisting behind her eyes, fearing this little disappointment might be what finally broke the fragile charade holding Natasha together at that moment.

But the mask won out again and Natasha just bent slightly to address the baby and give it a dry accusation of "Traitor," but nothing more.

"So, things went bad, huh?" Laura asked, keeping her voice gently casual.

"Yeah, might not want to watch the news for a while," Clint answered.

"We, uh, damaged our public image," Dr. Banner commented, avoiding her eyes. "And a lot more."

Natasha gave him a concerned look that lingered a bit longer than Laura would have expected. She _definitely_ filed that away for later.

"Wasn't anybody's fault," Clint said firmly, hugging Laura and Cooper a bit tighter. "Nobody was in their right mind."

Laura wondered what that meant, but she was distracted as she saw Natasha jerk slightly, as if startled. Instinctively, Laura reached out to put a hand on Natasha's arm, hoping it wouldn't surprise her into a defensive strike.

Instead, Natasha seemed to relish the contact, gripping Laura's arm in return with fingers that belied her distress. Grounding again. Steadying. Her expression began looking closer to her Agent Romanoff self with the contact, so Laura maintained her hold on Natasha's bicep, giving the impression the touch was solely from her initiation.

When Thor abruptly walked out of the room, Steve on his heels, Laura realized how long they had kept their visitors lingering in the entryway.

"Clint, why don't you and the kids start showing our guests where they can clean up and settle in?" she suggested.

"Yeah. Here, we've got some spare rooms," he said, indicating with his head as he led Stark and Banner out of the living room.

"I'll say," Stark said. "You afford this place on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s budget or mine? Because if I funded some of this you _could_ name a room after me. You know, just a thought…"

"Nat, would you give me a hand getting some drinks?" Laura asked before Natasha could follow them.

Natasha shot a last look after Dr. Banner, who didn't even glance back, then nodded. "Sure. No problem."

With the rest of the team out of the room, things felt back to normal again. It was just her and Natasha in the kitchen like any other visit, getting a few drinks together. Granted they were preparing those drinks for people like Thor and the Hulk and Captain America, but still, for the moment, it could feel like a regular day.

If she didn't consider how shaky Natasha's movements were.

"We so rarely have any kind of company, I'm not even sure I have enough glasses for everyone," Laura commented, trying to draw out a normal conversation.

"I don't think they'll mind if anything matches. Just give Tony one of the kids' cups."

It reassured her that Natasha could joke. Taking that as a good sign, Laura stepped forward slightly, lowering her voice. "Just so you know, that wasn't how I wanted to tell you about…the baby."

Natasha stiffened, but shook her head, staying casual. "It's all right. Don't worry about it."

"He's still honoring you and he'll know that's where his name came from. But I'm sorry. I shouldn't have proposed the idea until we were sure—"

"Laura," Natasha interrupted. "It's really fine. It's not like it's something you could control." She reached for a glass in the dish drainer and suddenly jerked back with a sharp gasp, the glass dropping from her hand.

"Nat!" Laura caught the glass before it fell off the counter, but hesitated in front of Natasha, knowing not to touch her while her eyes were glazed and distant like that. She was right. Whatever happened out there had triggered Natasha's flashbacks again. Laura scanned the area Natasha had been looking and saw nothing out of the ordinary except a few knives lying in the stainless steel sink waiting to be cleaned. Could those have done it? If so, she didn't want to think about what memory they conjured.

Beside her, she saw Natasha begin to pull herself back to the present. "Hey," Laura said, raising her hand to loosely catch Natasha's, in case she chose to accept the support. "You're safe. You're home."

Weakly, Natasha's fingers squeezed hers back, her eyes clearing but still haunted. "Sorry."

"No 'sorry's. Let me get you some water, okay?" Laura turned to pick up a cup without pulling her other hand out of Natasha's.

"I'm fine. Really." Natasha steadied herself, letting go of Laura's hand and straightening up.

"You know whenever you want to talk about what happened out there, I'm right here," Laura said, filling the cup.

"I know." Natasha accepted the water, drinking less than she probably should. "The flashes, they're just…Red Room again."

Laura watched her patiently, trying not to let too much pity blend with the sympathy in her eyes. And she really tried not to think about the knives in the sink. "I'm sorry."

Natasha shook her head. "Nothing new. They're just…harder these days."

Laura realized Natasha's gaze had settled on one of Lila's drawings on the fridge and her heart tightened. The sound of water from the pipes upstairs reminded her they wouldn't have much time alone and Natasha probably wouldn't be willing to talk more than that with the team this close. Not knowing what else to offer in such a short window of opportunity, Laura just touched Natasha's arm, then gently pulled her in for a hug.

Her belly got there first and Natasha jerked suddenly, squirming out of Laura's reach. "I, uh, think I'm going to get cleaned up," she said, avoiding Laura's eyes oddly. "Everything still…?"

"Yeah, you know where it is," Laura nodded, accepting the sudden distance even if she regretted it. "Not sure which showers are claimed already."

"It's fine." Natasha hesitated briefly at the kitchen door to say, "Thanks." Then she was moving quickly away.

Worried and disturbed, Laura watched Natasha make a beeline back to the staircase, barely acknowledging Steve as he came back in the front door. Steve paused, watching her pass with an expression that told Laura he was concerned about Natasha's demeanor too.

Then he noticed her and switched back to being the polite captain of the Avengers. "Thor decided to take care of some things on his own, so one less of us to impose upon you."

"Oh. Okay." Her brain shifted gears, trying to move from her worry about Natasha through the brief disappointment that she wouldn't get to talk to the actual Norse god of thunder to the new realization that she was talking to Captain America himself. "You guys aren't an imposition, don't worry."

Steve gave her a politely charming smile that confirmed for her why he had such a winning effect on people. "Thank you, but I know we brought a lot of unexpected trouble into your life all of a sudden and I'm sorry."

"I'm married to Clint. Trust me, him bringing home interesting people is nothing new to me," Laura said dryly.

"I guess so." Steve glanced back the direction Natasha had left and Laura knew he had a ton of questions building in his mind. But he seemed to shake it off, returning his attention to her. "I'm sure the bathrooms are going to be full for a while yet, so is there anything I can do to help out around here in the meantime?"

Laura waved him off. "You're a guest, you don't need to do anything."

"Really, anything you need done, I'm more than happy to help," he insisted.

Laura almost turned him down again, but then she noticed the uncomfortable way he was standing, the awkward energy around him. And she recognized that he was needing something to keep him busy instead of sitting still. Everyone had their own way of coping.

"Well, if you're really looking for something to do… You ever chopped wood before?"

He perked up a bit with a new task in front of him. "Yes, ma'am. I've done a bit of that in my time."

"Good. The nights get a bit chilly here and that's a chore I don't really want to do anymore this far along," she said, touching the side of her stomach pointedly.

Steve nodded knowingly. "Glad to help out. Just show me the way."

"Thanks." She started to direct him toward the door, then paused. "Oh, before things get busy again, I just wanted to thank you for being there for Natasha when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell."

The sudden shift in topics caught him off guard. "She had my back as much as I had hers."

"I believe it, but I meant…emotionally too. You've probably noticed she doesn't have a lot of people close to her and with Clint retired…she could have been left on her own against HYDRA. It means a lot to us that she had you."

Steve shook his head slightly. "It wasn't a big deal. We just were able to trust each other and worked well together. I'm not sure what else I did to deserve credit."

"With her, that is a big deal apparently," Laura said, smiling. "She talks very highly of you and you know she doesn't do that for a lot of people." She winced. "Although maybe don't tell her I told you that."

Steve smiled now. "I won't. But…thanks."

"Thank _you_. It gives me more peace of mind knowing both Natasha and Clint have teammates like you making sure they get to come home safe."

Something flickered through Steve's eyes and any hint of his smile disappeared abruptly. He shifted uncomfortably again, trying to hide his agitation and failing just as much as before. "Well, I should probably get to the firewood before night falls. You said right over here?"

"Yeah. The axe is in the garage…"

She directed him, then stood in the doorway watching as he walked away. So Natasha wasn't the only one triggered by what had happened today. She thought about the subdued air of the team earlier, the odd awkwardness that went beyond simply being out of place in a stranger's house. What had gone on today? And how many of them had scars that were torn open again?

Perhaps sensing her stress, Nathaniel gave a few kicks against her skin. Laura stroked the area soothingly. "Shhh. It's okay. I think it's about time to go and find your father, hm?"

Leaving Steve to his work, she headed upstairs. The hallway bathroom was occupied and she could see Natasha sitting on the bed in her usual room, likely waiting for her turn at that one. The kids were in Cooper's room talking excitedly in hushed tones. Today was likely to be one that would be remembered for a long time.

Laura continued on to their bedroom and found the door closed. She knocked. "Just me."

"It's okay. I'm decent anyway."

"Oh, I could probably argue that," she said, opening the door to step in.

She stopped as she saw him changed out of his uniform, pulling a clean shirt over his head. Her eyes were glued to his side, the area he had admitted by phone was badly injured in their raid on the HYDRA base. Badly enough to need tissue regeneration.

"Well, I wouldn't be able to come up with much of a defense." He paused, seeing her focus. Glancing down, he pulled the shirt the rest of the way on, lifting the hem so she could still see the healed area. "Hey, told you they patched me up good, huh?"

Laura closed the door behind her, coming over to judge for herself. "You said it was a laser blast?"

"Some kind of energy weapon thing, yeah. If they'd had the decency to use good old honest arrows, wouldn't have even slowed me down."

"Uh-huh," she commented skeptically, but knew he was trying to keep from upsetting her further. She examined the skin with both eyes and fingers, searching for any sign of lingering problems or burns. Despite an eye very used to seeing scarring of all kinds on Clint's body, she had to admit it was a pretty spotless repair. "Well, I guess I give your doctor credit."

"See? You worried for nothing. Can't even feel the difference, can you?"

She wasn't ready to let go of the issue that easily. He had still needed extensive burn repair in the first place, which didn't sit well with her, but she knew he wanted her to know he was okay and she didn't want to have an argument right now anyway, so she changed the subject.

"If they're sleeping here, some of them are gonna have to double up." Her voice wasn't quite casual, but it was the best she could manage at the moment.

Clint laughed as he finished dressing. "Yeah, that's not gonna sell."

Laura paced around, absently picking up his jacket as another memory surfaced. "What about Nat and Dr. Banner? How long has that been going on?"

Now Clint stopped, giving her a puzzled look. "Has what?"

Genuine amusement rose through her cloud of worry. Oh, Clint, her incredible marksman, the man codenamed Hawkeye for his visual acuity and ability to spot a target from remarkable distances… And he was just as blind to certain personal details as he had ever been.

"You are so cute," she teased, although she found it absolutely true at the moment.

Clint looked completely baffled, disbelieving something that big could slip past his notice. "Nat and Banner?" he pressed incredulously.

"I'll explain when you're older, _Hawkeye_."

He still looked doubtful, but shrugged it off. "Well, okay."

Laura's teasing mood faded as she remembered Natasha's flashback in the kitchen. "It's bad, right?" she asked, walking over to Clint. "Nat seems really shaken."

Clint sighed, seeming to think through his words. "Ultron has these allies, these, uh, kids. They're punks, really, but they carry a big damn stick. And Nat took a serious hit."

Laura's mind swirled at his explanation. What the hell did that mean? Clint had told her in an earlier call about the escape of this Ultron robot, but now the robot had kids working for him? _Literal_ kids or-? And what was the stick? What did they do to Natasha?

But before she could ask for more details, she heard footsteps in the hallway outside, passing and heading down the stairs. There was no true privacy in the house right then. Too many ears in too close of quarters. Clearly he wasn't willing to get into a deep conversation right now.

She almost started switching to sign language, but he continued in an exaggeratedly friendly voice, almost the same tone he used when talking to Lila, "Someone's gonna have to teach them some manners."

Laura didn't appreciate his patronizing tone after everything she had been through with him already and was about to say as much when abruptly it hit her. Clint was just as shaken as the rest were. Seeing Natasha like that, watching his whole team get taken down and then ending up on the run from the people they had wanted to help… He wanted a chance to collapse too, but he was the only one who was still holding it together, so he didn't have that luxury yet.

He had to be the dad.

"That someone being you," she said, understanding, but the whole situation that was piling up at her doorstep was starting to sit uncomfortably with her.

"You know I totally support your avenging," she said, following him as he moved to sit by the window, looking out. "I couldn't be prouder. But I see those guys… Those gods…"

She rubbed his shoulder as they watched Stark walk over to Steve and start chopping wood with him.

"You don't think they need me," Clint commented, voicing what she knew was an old concern since joining the team.

"I think they do. Which is a lot scarier." She watched the men the world knew as Iron Man and Captain America working around each other tensely, not even synchronized enough to avoid trying to pick up the same logs or take turns with the axe. "They're a mess."

Clint sighed. "Yeah. I guess they're my mess."

Laura stroked his hair, savoring the feeling of knowing he was home, mostly whole, and safe in their little bubble of peace once more. Because she knew it wasn't going to last long before they were off again to face the enemies who had already hurt them this bad.

"You need to be sure," she said, allowing herself one of the rare times she let herself voice her concerns about his chosen lifestyle. "That this team is really a team and they have your back."

To her relief—and, frankly, Clint's continued good health—he didn't try to argue her worries or point out that her hormones were making her edgier about everything. He just stood up, wrapped her in his arms, and let her vent.

"Things are changing for us," she said as she let herself lean into his strong, intimately familiar presence. "In a few months' time you and me are gonna be outnumbered," she added, feeling the mass of her belly between them, Nathaniel shifting at the added pressure of their hug. "I need…"

She didn't even know how to voice every concern, every worst case scenario, every doubt and fear and desire to keep their family together and protected and alive.

"Just be sure."

Clint smiled back, radiating calm confidence and love to soothe the anxiousness in her heart. "Yes, ma'am."

It was promise enough, words that held as much meaning for the two of them as the vows they had spoken years before. And their kiss conveyed the rest of the commitment and reassurance he couldn't put into words. For now, it was enough.

They continued to hold onto each other for a moment longer, not yet ready to tackle the emotions and troubles of the rest of the world. Laura longed for the simplicity of the past times Clint had come home, Natasha at his side. Their partnership made sense and fit with their family. This time, throwing so many wounded people together at once, with threats on the horizon and tension between the teammates, with Natasha barely speaking to them and Clint having to be the rock at the center of the group, with Laura's own body itself insisting change was coming and she had to prepare for it…

Laura's hand ran along the regenerated skin on Clint's side, so deceptively similar, but unable to erase the damage they could both remember.

"I can feel the difference."

OOO

They only allowed themselves another moment before Cooper was knocking on the door saying Lila needed a bathroom and they pulled themselves back into the real world. Then Dr. Banner needed a room where he could meditate for a while undisturbed and Laura tried not to laugh as she watched Clint size him up when he wasn't looking, clearly searching for whatever cues Laura had picked up on that he hadn't, though all she was getting off him now was stress and self-loathing, not much different from the rest of the Avengers.

With the team occupied, Clint decided to tackle more of the household projects, roping the kids into coming with him to fix the railing on the porch. Laura, finding herself alone for the moment, decided to figure out how she was going to feed all of these people tonight.

She was doing the math to triple a recipe when there was a quiet knock at the back door. Thinking Stark or Steve had gotten locked out, she walked over and opened it.

"You know, it might be wise these days to look before opening your doors."

Laura jumped, realizing it was Nick Fury. "What are you doing here?" she snapped, stress answering before she remembered who she was talking to.

Fury seemed unfazed, though. "Maria Hill filled me in on what's going on. Came to have a word with the team."

Laura nodded. "Well, most of them are out front so if you want to just follow the porch around—"

"Actually, I was thinking I'd see if I could talk to Stark first before I announce myself to the rest. You mind if I speak to him privately somewhere?"

"No." Laura thought, not sure where Banner or Natasha were in the house at this point. "The barn's pretty guaranteed to be empty. I presume you want me to keep it quiet that he's going to see you?"

"If it's not too much trouble."

"No, no problem." She had lived with spies for more than ten years. She was used to their quirks and habits. If Nick Fury wanted to have a covert meeting and use subterfuge to lure Tony Stark into her barn, it wasn't the weirdest thing she'd ever had to do.

"Oh, Director?" she called as he started walking away.

"Just Nick now."

"Sure, fine. Is anybody else coming out here today?"

"I hope not."

"Me too," she said, closing the door and going back to recalculate her dinner plans.

OOO

One of the advantages of coming from a large Italian family was that Laura knew how to feed a lot of hungry mouths on short notice. Since pasta could stretch a long way and satisfy pretty big households of grown men, she decided spaghetti was a safe bet for even superpowered housefuls of men.

Whether it was because they were superheroes, guests, or just gentlemen in general, Laura found that not one of the team was willing to just sit back and have a pregnant woman do all the work cooking for them. And so she wound up with the unique experience of directing the Avengers themselves around her kitchen.

Laura insisted on making the sauce herself as it was a family recipe, but was more than happy to delegate the rest. Dr. Banner—Bruce—seemed happy being put in charge of the salad preparation. Steve seemed confident with cooking the noodles. Tony was initially more of a hindrance than a help, offering ideas on how he could improve the heat efficiency of their stove and dreaming up new designs for appliances he could rig up for them until Clint had the great idea to have Tony pick a wine or two for the evening, which gave him a chance to direct his energies to a topic that was more out of the way. Even Nick Fury took her instructions as he gave himself the task of setting the table.

Laura was glad to see Natasha was much more herself after a shower and some time alone. Without even being asked, she stepped in and started slicing the bread and putting it into a basket at the center of the table. To Laura's relief, Natasha picked up and handled the knife without a single indication of discomfort, and before long she was joining in the banter with the rest of the team. Clint caught Laura's eyes from where he was entertaining the kids in the living room and she saw he had noticed her improvement too.

Dinner actually wound up being a joy. Laura had expected Nick to want to talk shop, but he insisted that everyone could use a little downtime to recuperate before getting down to business. So they all piled around the table like a spontaneous Thanksgiving dinner, complete with mismatched plates and random chairs pulled in to give everyone a space.

As ever, the kids proved a blessing in terms of breaking awkward tension. While they had initially looked at the visitors with the uncertainty of meeting their father's coworkers, once they were finally given permission to ask The Avengers questions, as long as they weren't too personal or impolite, the room was quickly filled with the excited energy only kids can bring.

To their credit, the Avengers responded well, the enthusiasm warming them out of their stresses and trauma for at least a little while. While Banner was a little reserved and deferred questions about the Hulk, he was polite overall. Stark seemed initially a bit unsure how to act around the kids until Cooper's questions about the software he used for his Iron Man suit impressed the engineer enough that Laura worried she might have to separate them before Stark honestly considered recruiting her son. Steve was a natural with the kids, happy to answer all Lila's questions and listen to her stories of what Natasha had taught her. The easy banter between Steve and Natasha warmed Laura's heart too and confirmed their partnership had a solid, genuine core.

Laura had to admit, she wasn't sure how Natasha would do having to interact with both her team and the kids in the same moment. She knew as well as anyone the variety of personas Natasha adopted naturally depending on who she was with. The Black Widow whose reputation was infamous around the world was different from the Agent Romanoff who worked professionally and coolly with S.H.I.E.L.D., both of which were nearly unrecognizable from the Natasha who was a friend and sister to the Bartons, much less the Auntie Nat who the kids adored.

However, rather than seeming torn between identities here, Laura concluded Natasha had another self when she was with the Avengers. Not as cold or ruthless as the Widow, not as serious as Agent Romanoff, more playful like the Natasha she knew, but without the level of intimacy and open trust yet. With the Avengers she was Romanoff, and it spoke well of them all that she had found some kind of happy medium that she could be around them.

As the meal wore down, it became clear that the brief respite had been indulged as long as they could afford and reality loomed its shadow over their house again. Laura dismissed the kids to go play in the living room while the grownups got things picked up. With them went the easy good cheer and she could almost feel the darkness seep back into the team.

Once again, the boys helped her clean up, picking up the plates, washing dishes, and putting things away. She sensed they too wanted to delay the inevitable a bit longer, savoring the little bubble of normalcy the Barton household represented before it was back to genocidal robots and mind control and public hatred. But finally there were no more excuses and the dining room was turned into a war room once more.

Laura let herself blend into the background. Clint would speak on their family's behalf if anything the team decided threatened them. Despite her connections, she wasn't an Avenger and it wasn't really her place to insert herself in their decision-making now. So she went about her evening routine, reminding the kids that just because they had very unusual company didn't mean they got to stay up late or avoid the usual nightly chores. Cooper was reluctant, clearly wishing he could stay and eavesdrop on what the adults were talking about. She would have to make sure he hadn't planted any kind of listening devices around the house after he was back in his room.

Despite Laura's instructions not to bother the Avengers while they were talking, Lila insisted she had to do "one last thing". Before Laura could stop her, the little girl had run over and handed Natasha one of her drawings. As always, Natasha's more severe persona vanished instantly when interacting with the children, and she thanked Lila with a warm smile before dropping almost chillingly fast back to business.

"You drew something for Auntie Nat?" Laura asked as she shepherded the kids up the stairs.

"Yeah. I thought she needed it," Lila said with the seriousness of the very young.

"Is that so? What did you draw?"

"A butterfly."

"Aw, that's pretty. I'm sure she loved it."

"Hope so. I drew it because butterflies start out as just caterpillars and some people think they're bad, but when they grow up they become beautiful and help flowers grow and make the world nicer. So they make me think of Auntie Nat."

Laura stopped, stunned, on the stairs as the kids continued up. All the time she had been aware of how perceptive Cooper was, but apparently she had underestimated how much Lila was growing up too. And her heart swelled with pride for the people her kids were turning out to be.

By the time Laura had the kids settled in and headed back downstairs, the team was already in motion, talking out plans. The regret in Laura's heart was confirmed when she saw Clint back in his Hawkeye gear approaching her with an apologetic expression.

"Should've figured I wouldn't be lucky enough to have you back for even a full twelve hours," she said, a bit of her genuine disappointment seeping into her attempt to sound casual.

"I'm sorry. We figured out where Ultron's likely to go and it means our doctor friend is in danger. Can't leave her without help, especially after the patch job she did for me."

"I know," Laura said, pulling him close for a hug while she could. "Go be a hero. I've got things here."

"If we get this done now, then things can go back to normal and we can focus on getting ready for little Nate. I'm gonna finish reflooring that sunroom as soon as I get back."

"Yeah, and then you'll find another part of the house to tear apart."

"No," Clint's voice was calm, but she caught the more serious undertone instead of his usual banter back. "It's the last project. I promise."

The real meaning of that promise and the look in his eyes hit her and suddenly she couldn't contain her emotions anymore. She pulled Clint into a kiss, holding onto his face as if life would try to rip him away the instant she let go. He poured just as much emotion and regret into it, clinging to each other for one more stolen moment before the job called him back far from home.

Finally, she let him go, just as she had every previous time. And she would just have to trust him to come back safe, just as he had every previous time. Not that the previous times had included killer robots, but…

"Don't worry, we'll get him back here in one piece this time," Natasha said as she walked up, voice and demeanor fully back to her usual, mission-ready self. "He's going with me and Cap, so he should be in pretty good hands."

Laura hated to admit it but she did feel better that Clint was with the two people she trusted most out of the team. "All right," she said, drawing Natasha in for a hug too. "But he knows he'd better bring you back safe too. This kid needs to know who he was named for, right?"

"Yes, ma'am." Natasha pulled back and rested one hand against Laura's belly. " _Ne baluysya_ , Nathaniel."

"Right," Clint smiled. "You hear her, Nate? Be good for Mommy and don't go anywhere until we get back."

"Barton?"

Laura was almost amused that all three of them looked up when Steve called.

"We've got to fly," he said apologetically from the doorway. "Ma'am, thank you for everything."

Laura nodded, not fully trusting her voice at that moment.

"Sorry," Clint whispered again.

"Hey, when Captain America's calling, you'd better answer," she managed, giving him one last squeeze on the arm.

Laura watched them go from the porch, allowing herself a moment of sadness and self-pity that her husband had to constantly be away, in the face of danger. Then she took a deep breath, put it aside, and went back inside to make sure everything was taken care of and put away the guest sheets she apparently didn't need after all.

OOO

The visit from the Avengers was all the kids could talk about the next day. Laura was glad the kids had gotten such a special experience, even if she wasn't sure how to keep them from slipping up and telling their friends at school about it. Their steady stream of conversation also didn't help keep her mind off worrying about Clint, Natasha, and their friends she now had an emotional attachment to.

"I wish Thor had stuck around," Cooper was saying as they played with their action figures while Laura fixed lunch. "I wanted to see him summon lightning with his hammer." He imitated a loud crashing noise as he had one action figure slam down an imaginary Mjolnir.

"I like Captain America," Lila said, having a GI Joe talk to the doll that represented Natasha. "He's nice and called me 'Miss Barton'. And he ripped that log in half with his hands."

"You just like him best 'cause he's Aunt Nat's favorite," Cooper snorted. "Or at least he was. I think she likes Hulk best now."

Laura tried to hide her amusement that even Cooper had caught what Clint had been oblivious to.

Lila was frowning, though, toying with the doll's hair. "I don't know. I think I heard them fighting while they were here."

Laura's ears pricked up, moving quieter so she could listen in.

"When? They were all happy at dinner."

"When they first got here I had to go to the bathroom and they were all full, so I went to Auntie Nat's room to see if I could use hers and they were talking really seriously. I don't know what they were talking about, but it sounded like they were mad or sad or something."

"You spied on them?" Cooper asked, a mix of shock and impressed excitement in his voice.

"No! I didn't mean to hear anything and I didn't try to listen when I realized it was grownup stuff."

"Huh." Cooper shrugged, his interest fading when he realized there wasn't much new to learn. "Well, maybe Cap is still her favorite then."

Lila shrugged, still looking at the doll as Cooper had the GI Joe fight with the robot representing Iron Man. "Mommy?" she called. "What does 'sterilize' mean?"

Laura was still lost in thought, trying to think what Natasha and Banner might have been arguing about and the emotional state Natasha had been in to begin with. "Uh, it means when you clean something so well you get all the germs off it. Why?"

"Oh. Just 'cause when they were fighting, Auntie Nat said her trainers sterilized her."

Laura dropped the plate in her hand, which crashed against the floor.

The kids jumped.

"Mommy?"

"Are you okay? Is the baby coming?"

"I'm okay," Laura called back, putting on a fake smile. "Just slipped."

They took her at her word, going back to talking.

"I remember seeing that word when I read her files," Cooper said, puzzling through the question. "Why would the Hulk be mad about that? It means she's not sick or anything, right?"

"That word has a different meaning for grownups," Laura said a bit numbly, putting the plate back on the counter. "And it's a sensitive topic, so I wouldn't ask her about it when she comes back, okay? And I mean that, Cooper. No research either. Respect Aunt Nat's privacy on this one."

The kids nodded, confused, but went back to what they were doing. "I thought Iron Man would be your favorite now," Lila said. "You talked to him for a long time."

"He's okay. His suit is pretty cool. I bet I could make something like it…"

Since the children seemed suitably distracted again, Laura took a moment to slip down the hallway and into her bedroom.

As soon as she closed the door, she leaned back against it, one hand coming up to cover her mouth.

Natasha was sterile. Not just sterile, but _sterilized_. Forcibly. Laura knew she had been subjected to all kinds of horrible things during her training, but somehow that particular option had never crossed her mind.

Oh god. Dozens of conversations over the years flashed back through her mind. How many times had she said something and gotten that odd, awkward look in return, that pause before figuring out what to say? And now Laura's own pregnancy! The way Natasha watched her, her discomfort when Laura had prodded her to get more involved, god, she had asked her about if she was thinking about trying it herself! She had been pouring salt in a wound she hadn't realized existed for months!

A new horror swept through her as she wrapped her arm around her belly. If that was what was on Natasha's mind, part of the trauma that had been reopened by this mission… And Laura had had to tell her the baby wasn't going to be named Natasha after all. The child that was meant to be her namesake, possibly her only chance at having a legacy like that, and Laura had had to rip away that little hope away from her too, on a day when she was already suffering.

A few tears and choked back sobs of regret escaped her and she let the hormones play out, took the moment to kick herself for any pain she had caused, even if it was through ignorance. Then she drew a steadying breath and pulled herself together. She couldn't change the past or fix anything right now. All she could do was try to do better in the future, to be more sensitive about what she said, to see if she could make it up to Natasha.

But for now, the kids needed lunch, the baby needed her to feed herself, and she had to trust that Clint and Natasha were taking care of themselves out there and there would be time later to deal with everything. For now, she dried her eyes, pulled back on the aura that nothing was wrong, headed back out to the kitchen and returned to being a mom.

OOO

In the end, Clint returned home just as unannounced but welcome as he had days before. At first, Laura thought she was dreaming to see him safe and whole in the entrance to the kitchen, but when she ran to him and he wrapped her in his arms, he was solid and warm and so real she almost melted in relief.

But she felt the trembling of his muscles and the desperation in how he held her and she knew things had not gone well. And there was a reason he had come home completely alone.

"Nat?" she whispered, dreading his answer.

But he shook his head against her shoulder. "She's okay. It was bad, but…she's okay."

She took that as a blessing, but still he didn't let go. And she knew that since he was finally alone with her, he was letting himself break down and cope with whatever horrors they had experienced this time around.

So without a word, she gently led him upstairs to their room and closed out the rest of the world. Then she helped him strip off the layers of Hawkeye until he could just be Clint Barton, husband and father and, right now, a very tired and emotionally drained man. She wasn't sure what he needed most right then, but quietly, so carefully, he drew her onto the bed with him and he reassured himself that she was safe and there and that their baby was still untouched by the dangers of the world outside these four walls.

They took their time reconnecting with each other, reaffirming themselves that at least here and now, everything was as it was meant to be. He was home, she was safe, their children were well, and they could have happiness together and block out the bad times for a little while longer.

The moon was high in the sky by the time they curled peacefully around each other in the light it cast across their bed, and Clint finally felt recovered enough to tell her about the mission. About flying robots and how Natasha had been torn away from his jet while he was helpless to stop it, and how he had desperately scanned the airwaves for any sign she was still alive. About witnessing the birth of a new form of life and accepting that the punk kids who had hurt his team before were just as betrayed and messed up as his own friends. About going into a battle beyond what he should have been equipped to face, knowing he had to put the world before his own family. About cities ripped from the earth and scared twins choosing to be heroes as their home crumbled and a boy who sacrificed his life so Clint could go home to his children.

Laura had no words to comfort him. She sent a prayer of gratitude and protection for the young man who had given her back her husband and hated a life that demanded only one of the two could be allowed a happy ending. And for the young woman who was suddenly more alone in the world than she had ever been.

And her mind was drawn back to another traumatized, lost young woman Clint had taken in so long ago, and she felt a pang of worry that Natasha wasn't nestled safely in her own room down the hall.

As Clint's hand rubbed idly across her stomach, where Nathaniel was thankfully sleeping for once, Laura decided to address the subject that had been eating at her mind.

"Clint, how much do you know about Natasha's…medical history? What the Red Room did to her?"

He frowned, looking up in wary confusion. "A fair amount. I was given her whole file when we teamed up and was there for most of her original interrogations. Why?"

Laura swallowed, debating if she really wanted to have this conversation, but she needed to talk to someone about it and she was almost certain she wasn't revealing a secret he didn't already know. "Lila said she heard Nat and Dr. Banner arguing and apparently Nat mentioned she had been sterilized."

Clint sat up, eyes serious and dark. "She told him about that? Wait, they were fighting? Was he being a jerk about it or—"

"I don't know," Laura said, putting a hand on his chest before his protective anger got too far. "Lila didn't hear much detail."

Clint sank back down slightly, but his muscles were still tense under her hand. "Right. So…what did Lila say about it?"

"Not much. She didn't know what it meant. I just told her it's a grownup thing and not to ask Nat about it."

"Good. I can't believe she told Banner. The only reason I knew was because of our partnership." He glanced at Laura's expression. "You didn't know?"

"No! I don't prod into her past unless she chooses to tell me something."

"Yeah." Clint shook his head, scrubbing his eyes with his hand. "She must have really been shaken up to be venting to him."

"You said the girl, Wanda, gave everyone nightmare visions. I figured Nat's were about the Red Room from how she reacted."

"Me too. She wouldn't tell me exactly what she saw, but there's no shortage of nastiness in her past." He grimaced. "As many times as her brain's been 'adjusted' anyway, hard to know exactly what this did to her."

Laura tried not to add that bit of worry to the mess already in her mind. "So she's back at the Tower now?"

"Or one of her safehouses. I'm not sure. She wanted some time alone."

Laura hoped that didn't mean Natasha was shutting them out again. "She's not with Banner then?"

Clint snorted. "No, Banner disappeared. Bailed after the battle. She really didn't want to talk about that."

Laura frowned. "He left? So are he and Nat—?"

"I don't know!" Clint snapped. He flopped back on the bed and draped an arm across his eyes. "I don't know what the hell's going on there. Everyone keeps talking about it and I don't see it, but Nat has been acting different for a while now but I thought she was just figuring out how to interact with the team. And now I find out she's telling him all kinds of personal stuff out of the blue…"

A memory flickered through Laura's mind of her conversation with Natasha months ago about taking advantage of the quieter times. "Well, if she is thinking about starting a relationship, that would probably be something they'd have to discuss. Besides, it kind of makes sense her…condition would be on her mind lately."

"Why would that part of what they did to her be on her mind?"

Laura cleared her throat pointedly, gesturing dramatically at the mound of baby in her lap.

Clint lifted his arm to look and she saw the familiar horror of comprehension fill his eyes. He dropped his arm back on his face. "I'm an idiot."

"You? I'm the one who's been rubbing it in her face for months! I even asked if she was thinking about having her own!" Clearly she was, but not with the same perspective Laura had been imagining.

"That's not your fault," Clint protested, lowering his arm to hold her hand. "You didn't know. I have no excuse. It's just…not something she ever seemed to be worried about before. We had the job and she loved you guys and everything made sense. And now…" He frowned at the ceiling. "I feel like I barely recognize her sometimes."

Laura threaded her fingers through his, tracing the fresh bruises and scabs. "A lot's changed in the last few years."

"Ever since this Avengers business started. Part of that's on me; I left and I don't regret that choice. I'm glad she and Rogers are close and have in-jokes and stuff, but now if I missed that she was starting something with Banner…" He sighed. "I used to know her better than anyone else did. Now…"

"We're not her only family anymore," Laura finished, realizing it as she said it. "And that's not a bad thing."

Clint grunted noncommittally. "Maybe. I wanna be greedy, though."

Laura smiled, pulling him closer against her side. "I know."

Clint put his hand on her stomach, splaying his fingers across the curve of their child. Laura rested hers over his.

"What are we going to do from here?"

For once, Clint didn't make a joke like 'well, birth is a popular choice at some point'. He just stroked her skin thoughtfully. "I don't know. I guess I'll see how Nat's doing when she's up to talking again."

Regret flashed through Laura again. "I even told her that day about how he's not going to have her name after all."

"Shhh." Clint gently drew her head down onto his shoulder, resting his on top of hers. "He's still honoring her and he's going to love her just like the others do."

"Is it going to be weird when we have her over? I feel terrible asking her to babysit now or—"

"Laura. Can't think anymore. Can we just sleep now and worry more tomorrow?"

She snuggled deeper into his arms, allowing herself to embrace the security of his presence and their joined hands cradling their son. She tried not to think about falling cities or mind-manipulation or cold, lonely apartments in New York.

For a few hours, she wanted to be greedy too.

OOO

They hadn't planned to make Natasha come out for the birth. After everything that just seemed too much to ask, family or not. Besides, she was heavily involved in getting the new Avengers facility up and running out of one of Stark's previous properties. Work did her good and they hated to interrupt that.

But Nathaniel turned out to have his father's sense of timing. Laura went into labor two weeks early, while Clint was gone for one day to help consult on part of the base construction. When he arrived home, Natasha was right behind him, prepared to stay with Cooper and Lila. She refused to take no for an answer and shooed the impending parents off with instructions not to worry about anything but the birth.

Despite being early, the delivery went smoothly and Nathaniel was born healthy, if a bit under the preferred weight. He was strong, though, and already showing signs of being as stubborn as his parents and intended namesake.

They kept Laura and Nathaniel at the hospital an extra few days to make sure his lungs were strong enough before discharging them. Clint ran back to the house to check on the kids and give them the good news in person. Natasha sent back her best wishes and a beaded plastic bracelet Lila had helped her make with 'Nathaniel' spelled out beside a bead with a red hourglass on it.

When Laura did get to come home, the kids swarmed eagerly to see their new brother. Clint did a good job wrangling the flurry of excitement so that Laura could sit down and rest on the couch. Once the kids were assured their mom was fine and Clint insisted that Nathaniel needed rest too, he enlisted Lila and Cooper to help him unpack and set up everything in the nursery.

Laura leaned back on the couch, letting Nathaniel settle against her chest. The cushions felt extra soft on her still-aching body and she was peaceful enough that it made her jump slightly when a mug of tea was set on the table beside her.

"Sorry," Natasha said softly. "Is it okay for you to drink that?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, thank you." Laura pulled herself back to wakefulness as she watched Natasha settle into a chair nearby. Randomly, she remembered that it was the same chair Natasha had sat in years before when Clint had first brought her home. The bloodstain on the back was long gone, but Laura could still picture it. How times changed.

"Nat?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for watching the kids. You really didn't have to drop everything and come."

Natasha frowned. "Of course I came! Whatever you two and the kids need, you know I'm here for you."

"I know. You've just had such a rough time of it lately. All of you," she added quickly before Natasha could bristle at being shown individual pity.

"All the more reason to want time with people I care about," Natasha replied lightly, sipping her own tea.

Laura considered her for a moment. It was the first time they had really gotten to sit down together since Natasha had left with the Avengers weeks before. At the surface, she seemed the same as she had for years: smiling, warm, great with the kids, the light air of teasing ever in her voice. But Laura could feel the tinge of sadness that added extra weight to her words, keeping her tone from quite ringing true. She was good, a spy's skillful façade in play, but her mask wasn't as perfect a fit as it used to be. That or Laura had just gotten better at spotting its edges.

But whatever hurt she was dealing with, Natasha wasn't letting it affect the day or show through for the kids. She was putting it away and being in the current moment and being whatever the family needed her to be right then. Like a…well, like a mom.

"Well, you know I'm always glad to have you home for however long you can spare. Not sure how much company Clint and I will be while we're taking care of Nate here, but…"

"We're calling him Nate, huh?" she asked, her mouth quirking in a slight smile.

"That's kind of become our go-to, yeah. It works for now." Laura looked up, honest regret in her eyes. "I'm sorry he's not a Natasha for you."

Natasha waved her off, shaking her head. "Don't be. It's good he gets to have his own name. No need to give a kid any extra baggage, especially the way things are going these days."

Laura knew the discussion over the cost of the Avengers' actions was still very much a subject for debate on the news and she wondered how much that was weighing on Natasha's mind too. But that wasn't a topic for a time of celebration.

"Well, either way, he's still going to know he was named for heroes."

"Nathaniel Pietro Barton," Natasha recited, leaning over to look at the sleeping baby. "I think that's going to mean a lot to Wanda."

"You okay with being on a team with her after everything that happened?" Laura asked.

"She proved herself. Besides, it's hard for me to hold too much of a grudge against a girl who was tricked and manipulated by a bad guy, but chose to do good instead. Especially since Clint's all but adopted her."

Laura shook her head, sighing. "It's a good thing he knows how to work on houses because at this rate we're going to need a lot more rooms."

She shifted Nathaniel to free up an arm to reach for her tea, wincing as something stretched when she extended her arm.

"I can take him for a minute so you can relax," Natasha offered.

Laura arched an eyebrow, hesitant. "You sure you're okay with that?"

Natasha gave her an puzzled look. "I know it's been years since Lila was this young, but I haven't forgotten how to hold a baby."

She didn't know. Clint hadn't told her Laura knew about her sterility and that it had been on her mind. And Laura realized then that she had been over-worrying about the situation and didn't have to walk on eggshells about the baby with Natasha. Natasha was handling her past and her lingering emotions and she was willingly choosing to be part of Nathaniel's life. She had before Ultron and that decision hadn't changed. Laura would still keep an eye out for anything that seemed to make her uncomfortable, but for now she would accept how much Natasha wanted to be part of the family and stop trying to decide for her what she could and couldn't handle.

"All right. Thanks. Hey, little man," Laura cooed to Nathaniel, who fussed as she woke him up. "It's okay. You're going to meet your Auntie Nat."

Laura carefully shifted him into Natasha's arms, checking to make sure his head was supported and his arms and legs weren't caught or tangled. Despite the ages since she had last held a baby, it seemed to come back to Natasha quickly and she hushed him gently as she settled back into the chair.

"Hey… There you are. Aren't you handsome?" she said in full Auntie Nat voice. She looked up. "He's amazing, Laura."

"He's one of my finer works, I think," Laura agreed, picking up her mug. "Clint helped, you know."

"Oh, I'm sure. I forgot how tiny kids are when they're this…new."

"He didn't feel tiny a few days ago, but yeah. He's a bit early so he's a little on the small side, but he'll catch up fast now. Mark my words, in a few weeks he'll be fat and happy."

"I believe it. I put on five pounds every time I visit. You're lucky you got a mom who's a good cook, kid." She smirked when he crinkled his face up grumpily. "Okay, now he looks like Clint."

"He does, bless his heart," Laura laughed. "Good thing he smiles a lot."

"Yeah? Can I see that smile?" Natasha asked, tickling Nathaniel's stomach. His leg kicked out, coming up to meet her hand and Natasha inhaled sharply.

At first Laura thought something was wrong, that he had triggered another flashback somehow, but she realized that despite the slight sheen of tears that was forming in her eyes, Natasha was smiling in awe.

"You do remember me, don't you, _malen'kiy pauk_?" she breathed, putting her fingers against the sole of his foot as he kicked again.

And Laura suddenly remembered Natasha playing with the baby before he was born, feeling him kick while in the womb, and she felt moved tears well in her own eyes. For all the horror life had dealt them lately, she was grateful it could also give them moments like this.

The combination of the emotion and her still-elevated hormones solidified something she had been considering since before the Ultron situation ever happened and she decided to just go for it.

"Nat, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Natasha tore her gaze away from Nathaniel, curious. "Yes?"

"I've been thinking about something for a while now, but I wasn't sure when was the right time to bring it up. Then with everything that's happened and what you were going through last time you were here and for all I know this will just make things worse…"

Natasha had tensed a bit, eyes flat and wary. "What is it?"

Laura just took a breath and blurted it out. "Do they have godparents in Russia?"

That clearly wasn't what Natasha had expected. "Yes…" she answered slowly.

"Well, I haven't discussed this with Clint but I know he'd be onboard. With Nathaniel being born and everything, I wanted to ask if you'd be willing to be the kids' godmother. All of them."

Natasha blinked, taken aback. "Laura, that's an incredible honor," she managed.

"Well, I can't legally make you their aunt, but this would at least confirm your role in their lives. You know the legal aspect of being a godparent too, right?"

Natasha rubbed her forehead, still thrown. "The part about becoming legal guardian if anything happened to you two?"

"How would you feel about that? I mean, I know it's a huge ask, but it hopefully would never come up and it's just a matter of peace of mind."

Natasha gave a bitter half-laugh. "I think you'd do better to pick someone in a job with a longer life expectancy."

Laura tried to ignore how much that reality jabbed her heart. "Like I said, it hopefully will never go that far, but if the worst happened, I could rest easier knowing the kids were with someone they adored instead of in foster care or, god forbid, with my extended family."

"Let 'em try to take these kids away from me," Natasha growled so automatically that Laura knew she had made the right choice.

"Well, this way there wouldn't be a legal fight over it. You're already family; this just puts it on paper."

Natasha huffed a laugh. "Well, I'd be honored, seriously. You think a lawyer will approve Natasha Romanoff as a godparent, though?"

Laura frowned. "You think things are that bad?"

"I think my name's been a little too prominent since the S.H.I.E.L.D. leak."

"Well, we won't know unless we try. Plus, you've still got Stark's legal team on your side. Bet they'd love an easier case like this."

"It would be a refreshing change, I'm sure. Of course, he might ask to be godfather."

"Not happening."

Natasha chuckled and Laura relished seeing untainted amusement on her face. "Well, if that's what you want, I'll do my best," she said, looking down at Nathaniel, who had fallen back asleep in her arms.

"Can't imagine anyone better. And now you have extra motivation to make sure both you and Clint come home safe from missions."

Natasha made a noncommittal sound, but still looked satisfied despite herself.

"Speaking of, how long do you think you'll be able to stay before you have to rush back?"

"I can help out for a while if you want, though I'm sure you and Clint will want some time together for yourselves soon. The facility in New York is almost done, but it will still be a few weeks before the new team moves in."

"So everyone's really splitting up?" Clint had mentioned most of them considered the official mission complete with the retrieval of Loki's staff and S.H.I.E.L.D. being mostly kaput.

"Well, this last mission wasn't exactly a resounding success. Besides, Thor needs to go back home. Stark's got a lot on his mind and needs to sort things out. Banner's…"

She trailed off, jaw going tense. Laura didn't prod, sipping her tea casually to try to imply she wasn't pressing, but the unspoken questions hung in the air regardless. They were too close for this to go unaddressed.

Natasha drew a deep breath, looking at Nathaniel to avoid Laura's eyes. "I decided to try something. It didn't work out. For…a lot of reasons. And it ended badly."

"I'm sorry," Laura said softly.

Natasha shook her head. "It wouldn't have worked, not the way we were trying. This life," Natasha nodded around them, "it's perfect for you and Clint. And it's beautiful and wonderful, but…I can't do what you do. I need the work. I thought I could leave it behind, but I'm not myself unless I'm in the fight. Still got a lot on my ledger. If, one day, I figure out a way to have both, maybe it could work. But for now, getting to come here, be part of this family, part of their lives…" she said, gesturing to Nathaniel. She gave Laura a smile, with more contentment than regret. "It's enough."

Laura reached over, catching her hand and squeezing gently. "Well, we absolutely love having you here. You know you're welcome here any time you want a break from running with the heroes to hang out with the common people."

Natasha's eyes locked on hers, her face going serious and almost angry. "Laura, despite a very difficult situation, you've created a safe, comfortable home where everyone who enters it feels welcomed as part of the family. You do that while supporting your husband and a friend who have incredibly dangerous and time-consuming jobs, leaving you to handle this alone most of the time. And you're raising wonderful kids who are fed and educated and have never had to doubt in their lives that they are loved and valued. Don't you _ever_ believe you're not a hero."

Laura couldn't have been more blindsided. The tears flowed freely now, and she was sure she wouldn't have been able to control them even without her hormones running high. It wasn't that Clint or the kids had ever made her feel unappreciated, but god, she hadn't known how much she needed to hear something like that now and then.

"Nat…" She pushed herself up, ignoring the soreness, and bent to hug the woman she loved as dearly as any blood sister. "Thank you."

Natasha held her back, carefully balancing Nathaniel just out of the way. "Thank _you_ ," she answered, her own voice catching slightly.

Laura finally straightened up, wiping the tears out of her eyes. "Okay, that's about as much seriousness as I can handle right now or I'm just going to be a mess." She sat back on the couch, picking up her tea again. "So, I want to hear how things are going with the new kids."

"Ah, the next generation," Natasha nodded, her dry humor returning. "They're not bad, but they haven't really worked together before. Some are military, some completely untrained. Steve asked if I would help him whip them into shape once the new headquarters is set up."

"Uh-oh. Has he seen you train recruits before?"

"Enough to know I have a very effective make-or-break technique," she grinned, a bit of the Widow's predatory mischief showing through. "Since S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, I've got a reputation to rebuild again. May have to get Clint to start rumors around the base about how scary I am."

Laura shook her head, thinking about the woman who patiently guided Lila through ballet moves or explained computer code languages to Cooper. "Well, I hope they know how lucky they are to have you. And once that little guy's older, I'll have to see if you can teach him too," she said, looking at Nathaniel. "Because if I leave it solely to Clint, I'm going to run out of bandages in this house."

Natasha laughed. "I don't know, maybe we should be happy he turned out to be a boy. I saw the effects of Lila's indoor archery range idea."

"Yeah, Clint's supposed to patch that," Laura sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Of course, last month Cooper hacked into Stark Industries central mainframe."

Natasha looked up, eyes sharpening. "He hacked all the way in? Without getting caught?"

"Only by me as far as I can tell. You want to have a word with him?"

"I want to give him ideas so Stark can't trace them back to me," she said, her eyes gleaming at the possibilities.

Laura winced. "Please don't get my son arrested."

"Arrested? I'm more worried Stark'll try to hire him. You think Clint'd be a dangerous teacher…"

For the first time in too many months, the sound of laughter and happy conversation filled the house once more, until Nathaniel woke up needing a feeding and Lila and Cooper came bounding back downstairs eager to help or play with their new brother and wanting to hear Auntie Nat's latest stories and Clint tried to be in charge and round everybody up for lunch. And in the middle of all the chaos, Laura couldn't be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this fic after watching Age of Ultron a year ago (!), this is as far as I had planned out. I knew I wanted to get to these scenes and although the story built hugely beyond anything I expected, I think I hit all the notes I wanted to and more. And now we head into uncharted waters as we see what Civil War will bring. (Got my tickets for opening night! Yay!) I definitely plan to write further chapters following the rest of the story we learn of Clint and Natasha, but I have no idea yet what those will be. (Up until now, I had an arc I could plan around.)
> 
> I realized I did give myself a problem with this because now if they do have anything happen to Laura in the movies I'm going to be absolutely devastated instead of merely pissed if they fridge her. I really don't want to write a chapter like that, so I hope this family gets to continue with a happy life.
> 
> In addition to a post-Civil War chapter, I have a plan to write a fic from Natasha's POV during her capture by Ultron that, while working as a standalone, fits into this chapter's timeline. I also have some ideas for a little chapter/interlude I may write if CW doesn't rule it out. But for now, I'm happy to have been able to tell the story I had planned to and in a way I hope made people happy. :) Thank you all so much for reading and leaving such wonderful comments! It's meant a lot to me and I've loved talking to you all along the way!


End file.
